The War
by Rosey1118
Summary: In truth, Scorpius Malfoy didn't know if he would win. His method to gain control was starting to backfire, though he ignored that fact for as long as possible. When Albus Potter got involved, things got more and more complicated. And the war the had started within Scorpius Malfoy was about to get a lot bloodier. (Story involves self-harm and mental illness; please be cautious.)
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: This story has heavy themes involving mental illness and self-harm. If this could be triggering in any way, please don't take any chances. Also, the main relationship will not be a heterosexual one; if this offends you in any way, again, please avoid this story._

127 was Scorpius Malfoy's favorite number, as of September first. Come September second it would probably be more along the lines of one hundred and thirty or so, but as he sat in his compartment on the Hogwarts Express, it was 127. He had a reason, he wasn't crazy enough not to. Scorpius Malfoy had 127 scars on his body. Twenty-seven of them were from silly things like falling as a child, and the others were of his own creation. He remembered the first one he'd made, a thin line on his right thigh. He counted the scars every night before he went to bed. He could control them, and Scorpius loved the ability to control things.

See, that was why his favorite number wasn't 4,023. 4,023 were the scars in his mind, and he couldn't keep people or himself from creating those. Besides, he had trouble keeping track of every insult thrown his way that wedged its way into his mind.

So it was 127; that was the best number, and- "For crying out loud, Scorpius, open your ears and listen to me!"

He was jolted out of his thoughts by the shrill sound of Arabella Zabini's voice. Scorpius sat up straighter, staring at his friend with uncertain eyes. "I was listening," he stated, irritation in his voice.

"Oh really? So what was I saying?"

"Something about your intense love for James Potter?"

Arabella narrowed her eyes. "Don't be stupid. I'm over that. I was actually trying to inform you that you'll be late for your precious prefects meeting if you don't-"

Scorpius was out of the compartment before she could finish her sentence. Since he'd become a prefect in his fifth year, people had stopped teasing him so much. The limited amount of power he'd gained made people afraid, and they'd left him alone so he wouldn't put them in detention or take away house points. In all honestly he'd only given out three detentions, and yet he had somehow managed to earn a reputation for being a detention-happy, power-hungry Slytherin. He played to the stereotypes though, which didn't help matters. Scorpius arrived at the compartment to see almost every other prefect standing there. Rose Weasley, the Head Girl, glared at him as he entered. Scorpius returned the look, his eyes much colder than hers. He may not be as smart as her, but at least he could win at glaring.

He guessed he would have continued to look fairly intimidating, had Albus Potter not barreled into the room behind him and knocked him flat on his face. Albus Potter landed on top of him and Scorpius let out a pained groan, which made his pale cheeks warm immediately. "Get off me Potter!"

"It was an accident-"

"Then why are you still on me?"

This time it was Albus who went red, and he scrambled off Scorpius. "If you could understand the concept of an accident, Malfoy, maybe someone would actually like you," he said coldly.

For a moment Scorpius went deaf, and he stared at the Gryffindor boy in horror. Was it true? Did nobody actually like him? He thought Arabella liked him well enough, but- "Get off the floor, Malfoy, you're distracting everyone," Rose said, her glare still perfectly in place but a small smirk on her lips. He followed her instructions immediately and stood at the back of the compartment. "Since that is over, I'd like to welcome you all to the first meeting of the year! We'll have several of these, periodically of course, but we always start with-"

Scorpius tuned her out, having heard a similar speech twice before. His obsessive mind went back to the words of Albus Potter, and he spent much of the meeting thinking about the people he called friends. There was Arabella Zabini, the only person in the world he'd ever even considered telling about his scars. He hadn't, but she still seemed to really care about him and she willingly spent time with him. The previous year he'd grown close to Mary Finnigan, but they'd been dating. After, they'd never spoken again. There were a few people in other houses he found interesting, but they hardly ever spoke. So really it all came down to Arabella, who had better friends she'd want to spend time with. Didn't she? Didn't-He felt like he was going to be sick, all of the sudden.

He felt like his control was slipping away and that feeling always made Scorpius want to throw up. And instead of doing that instead of every prefect in the school, Scorpius chose to push his way out of the compartment, ignoring the shouts of Rose Weasley, and make his way to the nearby bathroom in about twenty seconds. He shoved a second year out of the way as he went into the stall, and put his head on the cool metal of the door. "Calm down," he whispered. "Calm down, you're alright, it's-" He promptly turned and threw up in the toilet behind him. There was hardly anything in his stomach though, so he ended up just retching.

The door to the bathroom was slammed open, and Scorpius heard the bossy voice of Rose Weasley complaining about him running off. She made one last comment about his selfish, attention-seeking behavior before saying, "Scorpius Malfoy I know you're in here, and I know you can hear me, so get out here right now!"

"Shove off, Weasley," Scorpius said, his voice shakily attempting to sound menacing. It wasn't working well, but there was always hope that the girl would take pity on the sad sound of his voice and leave him alone.

But Rose Weasley sometimes lacked compassion, so instead she said, "I don't have time for this, Malfoy, just get out here and face the consequences of your actions!"

Scorpius wiped his mouth, his fingers itching to grab the small blade in his trousers so he could gain control again. Instead he stood and exited the stall, going to the sink and washing his hands. "By actions, do you mean to say my ability to move freely?"

"You ran and disrupted my meeting," she said angrily. It was only then that Scorpius noticed Albus Potter standing beside his cousin, a curious look on his face. "You-"

"Right; realized I needed the bathroom. I don't feel too bad, honestly; your speech was incredibly boring," He felt like throwing up once again, and once again his hand reached for his blade.

"That was uncalled for," Albus said angrily.

"So is half of what you say, Potter,"

"I-"

"I expect an apology, Malfoy," Rose said. "Now,"

"I don't think you'll get one, Weasley, ever,"

The air was heavy with tension before Rose sniffed, sticking her nose high into the air and glaring at Scorpius again. "I hope you enjoy having every night patrol, Malfoy," she said before leaving the bathroom with her hair swinging behind her.

Scorpius let out a breath of relief and grabbed the edge of the sink, his knuckles turning white as he closed his eyes and tried to stop himself from retching again. It was such an unpleasant thing, and he didn't want to do it twice in one day. He was tired, now; had he been this tired before? He could have sworn he'd gotten nearly ten hours of sleep the previous night, how could he possibly be tired again? "You don't have to be so rude, you know," The blond nearly jumped out of his skin; how had he once again forgotten that Albus Potter was there?

"I wasn't rude," he protested weakly, failing to narrow his eyes at the other boy. Usually he could, but he was convinced that if he closed them even slightly he'd fall asleep. The thought infuriated him; he was losing control. "If anyone was, it was her. But you can't see past her precious last name, can you? And what's mine, huh? It's filth to you, Potter, so you assume all I do is wrong. And to think," he said slowly, hoping his words would hurt the other boy, "that I once thought you were a decent human being,"

He looked like he wanted to respond, but Albus Potter just stared at him, surprise in his eyes, before he backed out of the bathroom and shut the door quietly. Another breath of relief came from the Slytherin boy as he locked the door, pulling a blade out of his pocket and disappearing back into the stall. Scorpius unbuttoned the first few buttons of his shirt to reveal his shoulder, and he quickly positioned the cool metal over his pale skin. A near-silent voice in the back of his mind told him that this was wrong, that he should put it down and seek help, damnit, but Scorpius ignored it as per usual. As blood dripped down his arm he started to feel better, and like his control had been returned to him. This was his, no one could take it away from him, and no one could taint it. And for one fleeting moment, he felt happy.

Scorpius Malfoy's favorite number, as of three in the afternoon on September first, was 128.

* * *

In life, there were two choices: the wrong, and the right. Or at least that's what Albus had always been taught. You can go after the bad guy, or not. You can save the world, or not. You can lie, or tell the truth. The world was one of black and white. But then, Albus realized, black and white mix to make grey. Sometimes, the most beautiful grey he'd ever seen, and that thought brought him to Scorpius Malfoy's eyes. They were quite possibly the most amazing sight he'd seen in his short life, and the swirling mix of emotion and color fascinated him more than anything else in the world.

He'd spent the entirety of their meeting trying to get a glance of the blond's wonderful eyes, but he couldn't see them properly. He recognized the nervousness and confusion in them, but Scorpius seemed to be looking away from Albus as best he could.

There wasn't some weird reason as to why he liked the other boy's eyes. He just thought they were interesting.

How no one else had noticed the one part of Scorpius Malfoy that never failed to explain his emotions was beyond Albus. He remembered the betrayal and hurt that had shown there in their first year, upon Albus informing the other boy that they could never be friends. They'd been friendly on the train, but then Albus had started hearing stories and people had told him that Scorpius was bound to be evil, and Albus hadn't wanted any part in that.

He remembered the surprise and pride in them once he found out he'd gotten more O.W.L.S. than Rose, because he'd spent half the year studying for the upcoming tests. He remembered the anger, as people insulted him and his family. But as of late, all Albus could seem to remember was the empty, swirling grey color. The emotion had gone, just completely vanished, until he'd cornered the Slytherin in the bathroom with Rose. At that time, they'd been full of panic and fear. But fear of what, exactly? Albus didn't know, nor did he expect he would ever know.

"Honestly that boy just gets under my skin-How they ever made him a prefect-He's such a disgrace to the sanctity of those in our positions!" Rose hadn't stopped complaining for about an hour. Albus didn't mind, they were the best of friends and she always listened to him vent, but when she really got going her words got quite harsh. He was reminded of his aunt Hermione whenever Rose got angry; both were terrifying to see.

"You've mentioned, Rose," Hugo said in a bored voice, looking up from his notebook to observe his sister with narrowed eyes. Hugo had turned out to be quite the artist, which his parents thought was hilarious as neither of them could draw to save their lives. Hugo had been sorted into Hufflepuff, to everyone's surprise, as he'd been expected to go into Ravenclaw. He'd always been a bright kid. "About a hundred times now. Today,"

Lily, who had also chosen to sit with Albus and Rose, chuckled softly and then narrowly avoided being hit with a book Rose had chucked towards the compartment door. "Come on, Rose, if you obsess over him you're going to ruin your day even more. Isn't that right, Albus?"

"Sure," he said, turning his attention to the countryside they were rolling past. Lily's words were completely true, unless you thought of Scorpius Malfoy the way he did. Those stupid eyes could make anyone's day. Albus had been told his own, bright green eyes were pretty, though he'd never taken that as much of a compliment. However they did link him to his father, which Albus thought was a good thing.

He'd always been the closest to his father out of his three siblings. James, a decent quidditch player, had always trailed after their mother as if she were a saint. Lily was fairly similar, though her talent resided more in writing and she found a connection to their mother there, as their mother wrote for the Daily Prophet. Albus thought she was great too, but his father just seemed to get him in a way his mother never had. He was thankful for such a successful relationship; his father would always be there when he needed him.

"That's a fairly mild answer, Albus," Lily said teasingly. "Usually you have something more to add, or has he not irritated you enough today to let that fantastic temper of yours show?"

"Oh shove off, Lily," Albus muttered. So he had a temper; everyone did. His just seemed to get him in trouble more often than not. It had probably done that today, most likely with Scorpius, but Albus hoped the other boy would have forgotten the words by now. Besides, it's not like Scorpius Malfoy would care about what he said. They'd been friendly for a few hours on the train in first year, because Albus and Rose hadn't had anywhere to sit. They'd quickly started avoiding each other after rumors came out about each of them.

There was no plausible reason for Scorpius Malfoy to care about what Albus said. The other boy's parents cherished him so much he probably got a hundred letters a day telling him how great he was. Scorpius wouldn't listen to one little comment Albus had spit out in a fit of anger. "You're just like Dad. Your tempers are awful. Don't you remember that one time James tried to play an innocent prank on you?"

"Are you referring to the time he tried to poison my drink to see how long it would take Dad to notice?" Albus asked, rolling his eyes. Lily and James had thought that particular idea had been fantastic, but their parents and Albus himself hadn't agreed.

"That's the best one, isn't it? Dad was so mad; he shouted for a half an hour after you stopped choking. Reminded me of that time the Hufflepuff boy said that thing to Rose…" Lily trailed off, smiling fondly at the memories and smiling at them all happily. "Good times, right? And to think it's all almost over. You two will be leaving Hogwarts after this year, and I'll be stuck with him,"

"As if I want to be stuck with you, Lils," Hugo muttered, smiling at his cousin. Just as Albus and Rose were close, Lily and Hugo were close as well. It had pleased everyone's parents, and sparked a lot of competition between the cousins. They always tried to best each other, but it was always in good spirits.

"Think about how I feel," Albus said, smirking at Rose who was rolling her eyes. "Agreeing to live with this one after Hogwarts could possibly be the biggest mistake of my life,"

"You agreed before you saw the state of my bedroom. That's not my fault," Rose stated defensively. Albus had always preferred things to be in order, and he wholeheartedly agreed with the philosophy that everything had its place. Rose, on the other hand, lived in a world of chaos that Albus had never realized. They'd pledged to live together after Hogwarts when they were seven, and they'd never truly regretted that decision.

The friendly conversation in their compartment continued for the few more hours they were stuck on the train. Albus had never really liked the train rides, because they took far too long in his opinion. He would much rather have his father apparate him to Hogsmeade, but that apparently wasn't an option. He liked the carriage rides though, and while he knew there were creatures pulling them Albus couldn't actually see them. He tried to smile at the creatures as he approached an empty carriage.

Or at least it had seemed empty when he'd walked up to it. As Albus climbed on he was greeted with the sight of Scorpius Malfoy, laying across the bench so he wouldn't be seen from the ground.. As soon as Albus made a surprised noise, the other boy's eyes snapped open. "You-"

"You've got to be kidding me," Scorpius muttered, standing and frowning. Albus' family poked their heads out from behind him, and Albus knew they all scowled instinctively. Albus knew he should scowl too, but he couldn't get the memory of Scorpius' fearful eyes out of his head.

"Go on, Albus, climb up. It's the last carriage anyway. We might have to sit with him, but we don't have to talk to him," Lily reasoned, pushing Albus forward.

"Right, yeah, come on then," Albus said, reaching down a hand to help Rose into the carriage. For a moment the five teenagers just stared at each other, but then Scorpius shook his head.

"This is ridiculous," he muttered, quickly hopping off and turning to walk in the direction of the school.

"Malfoy what are you doing?" Albus called impulsively, frowning at the other boy. "Get back on, this is the last one-"

"I'd rather walk than spend the ride with you lot," he said, shoving his hands into the pockets of his trousers and continuing forward.

"Malfoy-"

"Potter I suggest you sit down and return to your family before they get frustrated with you,"

"But you were here first; we should walk, not you," Albus offered, prepared to face his family's irritation. Scorpius had just looked so sad, and Albus felt like it was his fault.

"Don't be stupid. There are more of you. Just sit down, shut up, and leave me alone!"

Before Albus could respond, the carriage started rolling and soon they'd passed the pale blond boy. "What were you thinking, Albus? Don't try to lure him back! If he's showing a moment of good character, you just go with it!" Rose said, rolling her eyes.

"But he'll be late-"

"Who cares? Arabella Zabini will save him some food. It's not the first time he's been late to a meal and it surely won't be the last," Lily said, shrugging.

"Spend a lot of time watching him, do you Lily?" Hugo asked, smirking.

"Oh shut up," Lily said, shoving Hugo's shoulder as the boy laughed. "Don't you all remember? Last year Arabella Zabini came around demanding to know if anyone had seen him? She seemed awful worried, and when he showed up halfway through dinner she was furious,"

"You remember the oddest of things," Rose commented, looking at Lily with confusion.

"I remember things about handsome boys," she shrugged. Albus, Rose, and Hugo all made disgusted faces, and Albus made a noise that sounded like he'd been wounded. "What? You can't deny that he's handsome, any of you. Come on, Albus, you spent that entire exchange staring at him! And Rose, you've told me before that-"

"Okay!" Rose said loudly, her face and ears quickly turning red. "Okay, that's enough. Can we talk about something else, please?"

There was a moment of hesitation before Hugo and Lily started laughing at the mortification on Rose's face. Soon enough Albus and Rose were joining them, all forgetting about the pale boy walking all alone behind them.


	2. Chapter 2

Scorpius finally saw Hogwarts after a good forty minutes of walking. He was irritated and slightly chilled, and he only wanted to go climb in bed. And sleep for a good twenty years until he didn't feel like he was going to start falling apart once again. He wasn't a fan of that particular feeling, after having it for about a year and a half before he found control.

He considered going to the great hall. They were still having dinner, he could tell because he heard loud chatter coming from the closed doors, but he didn't want to draw unnecessary attention to himself. People would stare, and probably laugh at the fact that he was shivering slightly, and he didn't need that. Arabella would be mad if she remembered to be mad, and that probably meant she'd forget. She forgot a lot; she'd seen a scar once or twice and she'd never brought it up. She was a great friend, if he could really call her that, and she was incredibly intelligent. She just forgot the simple things.

He couldn't go to his dorm, because students were advised against entering until dinner was over. House elves were trying to get rooms in order, and students just get in their way. So he decided on the bathroom closest to the Slytherin common room. Scorpius didn't really feel hungry anyway, so it wasn't like he was missing out on anything.

Scorpius felt oddly numb. All he could do was stare at the door of the stall he'd barricaded himself in. But he welcomed the numbness; when he was numb he couldn't be hurt. He'd learned that lesson a few years ago, when a few girls had tried to play with his emotions. He'd dated one and he'd thought he'd loved her-he'd been fifteen; he'd thought love was actually going to happen. But she'd taken what few secrets he'd willingly shared and told them to her friends, and then the rest of Hogwarts. It was right about the time that his mother had been in St. Mungos. The whole of Hogwarts had known about it in days.

Someone entered the bathroom, but Scorpius stayed quiet. He just sat on the toilet and pulled his knees to his chest, waiting for the mystery person to leave. He put his fingers on his wrist to check his pulse. He couldn't feel his heart beating in his chest, but he did find his pulse on his wrist. Despite telling himself he didn't want to die, Scorpius was always slightly disappointed to feel the steady beat.

His parents would be hurt if they found him dead. His father was strict and a bit cold at times, but Scorpius knew his father loved him. His mother was kind, and she didn't abide by pureblood customs like most did. She was strict as well, though less so than his father. She would look at his dead body with watering eyes, and she would break, at least for a little while. His father would get even colder, like he'd done once his own mother had passed away.

Scorpius stood suddenly. He felt like he was going to be sick; he risked death almost every day now. If he went too deep he couldn't go back. He'd cause pain to the two people who loved him unconditionally. So maybe he was the monster everyone claimed him to be.

He plunged his hand into his pocket and squeezed his blade as tightly as he could. After a moment he felt a sharp pain, and then the warm feeling of blood over his palm. When he pulled his hand out of his pocket, it was stained crimson.

He didn't feel any better. Scorpius shakily ran his hand through his hair, knowing it would turn the blond into red, but not really caring. Before he could stop himself he pulled back the shoulder of his robes and made three quick slashes.

He was shaking all over, and he couldn't stop it. There was always shaking before tears though, so at least he was aware of what was coming next. He tried to curl up when he felt his eyes grow hot and his throat start to close. A sob escaped him, and after that he lose all control.

Scorpius didn't remember falling asleep, but he woke around for in the morning, stiff, with dried blood on his hand, shoulder, and forehead. He ignored his exhaustion though, and the pain in his stomach, and cleaned himself up before leaving the castle and jogging around the perimeter. A woman on a muggle street had complimented his appearance the day before he'd left. Scorpius didn't want the compliment to be invalid.

By the time Scorpius finished running, he knew he had to get to his dormitory and shower. He hadn't bothered to clean the blood on his shoulder, but it wasn't going to feel nice if he just left it all day. Besides; if he was lucky he'd be confronted by Arabella. He could pretend she truly cared while she berated him for not coming to dinner the previous night. If that happened, it was going to happen in the common room without the other houses watching.

The boys in his dormitory were still sound asleep when he entered. That was the norm though; they all got up around the same time and then fought for the bathroom. Scorpius was used to being up earlier than them; that way he didn't have to fight. Scorpius was tired enough from what was happening in his own head; he didn't need to argue with the other boys in his dorm too. They hardly even talked to him though, so he tended to doubt that they knew he existed. All he had was a bed in their room; he was just an inconvenience to the strong friendship they had formed over the past six years.

Scorpius shook his head slightly, carefully sliding his blade out of his pocket and under his pillow. He couldn't think like that, because if he did he was going to lose control again. He was embarrassed for falling asleep in the bathroom the previous night. No one had actually seen it, at least he didn't think that was the case, but it was a lack of control he hadn't been able to make up. He would remember it, even though no one else would.

His shower was long, and warm, and it helped him to relax. The water stung on the various wounds he had on his body, but Scorpius just ignored that and the slight pink tint to the water as it first ran off him.

He wouldn't look down at his body though. He was disgusted by the scars. They weren't pleasant and he knew they were ugly. He knew, deep down, that what he was doing was wrong. He needed to get help and find a different way to deal with his problems. But he shoved the knowledge to the back of his mind, because he couldn't tell anyone. They would be as disgusted by him as he was by himself.

When he did get to the common room, he found a very frustrated Arabella Zabini sitting on the sofa. She glanced at him when he walked into the room, and when she realized it was him she stood and glared at him. "Where the _hell_ did you disappear to last night? I waited for you; I had a plate set aside for you so that you could eat. And you never showed up; you _terrified_ me. I thought you'd been killed, or injured, or something. You can't leave me like that!"

Scorpius hadn't expected that big of a reaction. He'd thought he'd get a simple question, not anger. "I gave some people the carriage I was in; I didn't want to ride with them. When I got back dinner had already started and I didn't want everyone to stare at me. I just came here and went to bed," It was sad, how easy he found it to lie to her.

"Don't lie to me," she said. "I had Benjamin check for you in your dorm; I know you weren't there. If it's as simple as a stint with some girl I'd like to know, because I don't want to think that you spent the night cold and alone, and trying to get here,"

"Arabella, I was fine. I...I had somewhere to be last night, that's it. I was fine, Arabella,"

He sent her a small smile that didn't feel natural. But Arabella sighed and accepted it, and punched his shoulder lightly. He didn't let his expression flicker despite the scars she'd just hit. "Don't do that again. I worry about you, you know. You didn't write as often this summer,"

"We took a few different vacations," Scorpius lied. "You've got other friends, Arabella. I'd have thought you would rather spend time with them than writing to me anyway,"

She glared at him, but didn't punch him again. "Let's go to breakfast," she said rather than responding to his claim. "I'm hungry and it doesn't seem like you've eaten since lunch yesterday so I know you are too,"

His stomach did hurt slightly, like it always did when he didn't eat enough. But he didn't want to eat anything else, and he didn't have a good reason as to why he felt that way. It was another thing he'd have to work on if he ever got better again. Scorpius doubted that would happen.

* * *

Albus woke and immediately stretched, so he wouldn't just lay back down. He had a problem with that particular action, and then he'd have Hugo running into his dorm five minutes before the first class of the day. It had happened far more than he'd care to admit, and Hugo always bragged about it when they went to lunch that day.

He got up and showered, like normal, and left his black hair wet and dripping on the collar of his robes. It annoyed Rose, because she prefered Albus to look fairly clean, but it made him smile. Especially because he just had to shake his head in her direction and she'd squeal and shove him away. Albus adored messing with his cousin and his siblings, even if he didn't do it as often as James did.

Albus met Hugo in the common room that morning, as the two shared a house. Albus was proud to be a Hufflepuff; he thought the house was one of the best. Then again, he was biased, so people tended to take his claim with a grain of salt. Lily loved to make fun of him for it though, because of the temper he did have. She claimed that Hufflepuffs weren't supposed to have a temper, according to her. Albus told her not to be stupid.

He met Hugo with a smile, and his younger cousin just rolled his eyes. "Rose is going to kill you this time," he said quickly, following Albus out of the common room. "It's the first day, Albus. She expects us all to look nice this time,"

"I mean it's the first day. I'm tired. Try me on the last day and we'll see how that goes, okay?" Albus said, unable to stop grinning at Hugo. Even though it was the first day, and he should be tired of going back to school like everyone else, he was excited. He was excited to get his schedule and find out how his classes would be, and he would find out what he would share with Rose. It was his last year at Hogwarts, and his schedule was going to make the year perfect.

They found themselves sitting at the Hufflepuff table for a good twenty minutes before they got their classes and joined Rose at the Ravenclaw table. She just shook her head and clicked her tongue in disapproval, and Albus grinned widely at her. His hair had dried a great deal since he'd come from the common room-he suspected Hugo had used a spell-but he was still pleased to see Rose roll her eyes. "Don't be so formal, Rose. It's school; no one cares,"

"I care," she said, glaring at him but not really looking too mad. "That should be enough for you, Albus,"

Albus just rolled his eyes and stole a sausage from Rose's plate. She didn't smack his fork away, which he took to be a good sign. If she'd actually been mad at him, then she wouldn't have let him take food from her. She was like her father that way; his uncle was content with sharing his dessert with his aunt or someone as long as he was in a good mood. It made Albus smile, seeing how alike both her parents Rose was.

Halfway through breakfast, Albus found his eyes drifting toward the Slytherin table. He wanted to make sure Scorpius Malfoy had at least gotten to a meal; he had never showed up to dinner the night before. Albus hadn't been worried, he hadn't really cared enough to worry, but he felt responsible for the blond missing the meal. He knew that meals were important, and he knew that everyone should attend them. So when he found the grey eyes staring intently at a piece of parchment, Albus was felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. If Scorpius Malfoy had been hurt on the side of the road, Albus would have been blamed and that would have been awful. Now, he didn't have to worry.

His first class of the day was his favorite. Albus figured it was a Hufflepuff stereotype to love Herbology, but he did adore the subject. Albus knew it wasn't because he got to work with plants for a large chunk of time. It was because his parents' friend, Neville Longbottom, taught the class. He was probably one of the best professors that Hogwarts had, in Albus' opinion. He was kind, and willing to work with anyone so long as they were kind as well. Rose didn't understand how he could stand to have lessons with Scorpius Malfoy-she was already complaining about having to share the class with him-but Scorpius Malfoy had always been eager to learn in that class.

Albus remembered how terrified the small, blond first year had been of Professor Longbottom. Everyone knew that their professor had fought in the war, and had significantly helped Albus' father win. Everyone had wanted to impress him. And it had also been common knowledge that Scorpius' father had never exactly been kind to their Herbology professor. Scorpius had pretty much been shaking, as far as Albus could remember, when they walked into the greenhouse. But Professor Longbottom had just smiled, and offered Scorpius Malfoy a small piece of Honeydukes chocolate like he'd done for everyone else.

He had to work hard to get to the N.E.W.T level Herbology class, but Albus was glad he'd done it. They'd all been promised that the harder class would be much more exciting, and so far the promise had been true. Albus would have it first most days of the week, and for that he was grateful. Rose would be his partner once again, and he'd have fun for an entire year. Unlike most, Albus didn't mind having class, especially in the morning. He was always awake in the morning, and when it got to be afternoon Transfiguration, he was almost asleep.

His day really was good. The professors were going a bit more strict than usual, but they did have huge finals at the end of the year so Albus understood why. He used his free periods to start on homework and extra readings, which Rose would be happy about. She didn't have free periods though, because she'd taken as many classes as her mother would allow. His aunt Hermione had tried to take too many in her later years, and Rose had wanted to do the same to prove that she was just as good. His aunt had explained that a breakdown wasn't worth proving her already apparent intelligence.

There was a meeting for prefects after dinner that night. Rose refused to waste any time in getting a schedule prepared; she'd made it during lunch that day. Albus hadn't been allowed to see it, which worried him, because she would probably put him with someone others couldn't get along with. Hufflepuffs were supposed to be agreeable and for the most part, Albus fit that mold. He was just worried about who he'd be stuck with this time; the last year, all his rounds had been spent in the presence of an irritating Gryffindor girl. She'd been nice enough, but talked nonstop about her love life.

The meeting started with Rose and the Head Boy, Jonathan Wimberly from Ravenclaw, standing at the front of the room and smiling at them all. Albus found himself searching for grey eyes-he had an obsession, really, and he needed to be stopped-though he quickly found their owner leaning against the opposite wall and looking quite bored. His face seemed a bit paler than normal, not that Albus was really paying attention.

He focused his attention back to Rose, who glanced at him and managed a small smile. She started giving out room assignments then, and Albus wasn't surprised when he was given afternoon patrols with the female Slytherin prefect in the year below him. She was a rather bubbly person, and everyone in the room looked relieved to know that they didn't have to wander around the castle with her. She offered Albus a small, nervous smile, and Albus sent her one back. She didn't seem too bad, though he would surely learn what the other's problem with her was soon enough.

"Okay," Rose said with a bright smile as she finished. "Jonathan and I have decided to try something new this year. We really want you to be a team with your partner. You'll work better that way, because there's a good chance you'll be with someone you'll like. That's usually how we work things out,"

"We're going to have you do a few team-building exercises with your partner. Before that, we'd like you to spend a few minutes getting to know one another. This will be a great year, guys, if everything goes well here," Jonathan stated. His smile was bigger than Rose's, which Albus hadn't realized was possible. Rose got incredibly eager during meetings; she tended to be overenthusiastic.

There was a bit of grumbling as they walked to find their partners. Albus, like everyone else, wanted to get back to the common room to spend some time with his friends. He looked a bit irritated when the Slytherin girl came up to him, and Albus noticed her swallow and look down at her feet for a moment. "Isabella Goyle," she said in a cheerful voice, extending her hand. "Most people call me Izzy, you know, because I like to have something to do; it makes their nickname work. Busy Izzy; that's what they call me,"

Albus saw through the cheerfulness almost at once. She was smiling, but Albus knew smiles pretty well because they were a constant in his family. Smiles that were real made the corner of eyes crinkle, and they were wide. Isabella Goyle's smile was small, and stopped at the corner of her lips. Either she was unhappy and trying to hide it, or she was trying to pretend to be happy just to catch him off guard later. He'd heard about the Goyle family; they weren't exactly a pleasant lot. "Albus Potter," Albus answered after a moment's hesitation. "Most people call me Al though, so feel free if you want to,"

He was starting to get the Busy Izzy name, if he had to be honest. Her hands were tapping against her leg, like she needed something to do with them. And she had a bag on her shoulder, and Albus could see books stuffed in it, filling the poor bag to its breaking point. "I wouldn't want to overstep," Isabella said, regaining Albus' attention.

"Really, I don't mind. If I get to call you Izzy, you can call me Al,"

"Okay," Isabella said slowly, looking unsure. "Okay, Al, it's...It'll be really nice to be your partner this year," She didn't look convinced about using his name yet, but Albus didn't mind. She seemed nice enough so far; as long as she didn't talk nonstop about her relationships, he'd be fine.


	3. Chapter 3

He was alright. He would be alright, as long as he remembered how to breathe. As long as he kept breathing, he would be perfectly fine. Because as long as he breathed, he wouldn't throw up. He felt like throwing up at the moment, because there were people laughing and pointing at him, he knew it. He'd been shaky that morning, and he'd tripped on the stairs. Of course people would laugh at him; of course they would- "Come on, up you get," a voice said gently, and Scorpius felt an arm loop around his own and try to pull him up. He came off the ground far too easily.

"Leave me al-"

"You're lying in the middle of a deserted staircase," the voice said in a dry tone. "I'd rather help you get to the hospital wing than anything else. What happened? Are you alright?"

He was shaking again, enough to get the other person to put an arm around his shoulders and hold him tightly. He was not a fan of the close contact, and finally allowed himself to open his eyes and look at who was near him. It was a Gryffindor girl, maybe in her fourth year, and she was sending him a friendly smile. "Get o-"

"My brother gets shaky too, sometimes," the girl says, ignoring him. "Then again, he has a disease that makes him shaky. I can never remember what it's called, though he doesn't mind. Do you have a disease too?"

" _No_ , I-"

"Ah, well. Maybe you're just tired. I'm not sure, I should probably get you to the hospital wing anyway. I think that's probably the best idea, because the healers in there can help you feel better,"

She'd been pulling him along as she'd talked, though Scorpius finally yanked his arm away from her. "I'm _fine_ you nosy Gryffindor. Leave me alone, okay? I don't need your help,"

"But you were just laying there. Really, I should get you to the hospital wing; they'll fix you up right away," The girl looked genuinely concerned, and Scorpius felt his heart drop into his stomach. Someone he didn't know was concerned about him-it had to be fake. The girl was probably teaming up with whoever had laughed at him when he'd fallen, and they wanted to trick him and spread it around Hogwarts.

"Mind your own business," Scorpius muttered, taking long strides to get away from the girl that had helped him up. She shouted something after him, but Scorpius' ears were ringing too much to understand what she'd said.

For a few minutes he just walked angrily, trying to get as far away from the Gryffindor as he could. Scorpius couldn't remember exactly where he'd been going when he fell down, but he didn't think it was anywhere important. They didn't have class that day; it was the first Saturday of the school year. The only important thing he had to do were patrols that night, which shouldn't be for another four hours. He checked his watch just to be sure, and was pleased when he saw that he did, in fact, have some time before he'd have to wander around the castle.

He should eat something, Scorpius knew that. He hadn't eaten very much lately and his stomach hurt, which he assumed was a bad thing. Then again, he could control his appearance. His scars proved that. If he didn't eat, he could control how thin he was, and Scorpius didn't think that would be half bad either. He had always been careful to stay thin, like his father. Now he'd just take it a step further.

It wasn't until he was halfway to the Slytherin common room that he remembered he'd been going to meet Arabella in the library. She probably wouldn't mind him missing the study session though. She'd probably found others to spend her Saturday with, and Scorpius wouldn't blame her for that. He wasn't exactly great company at the moment; he hadn't been great company for a while.

Scorpius found himself heading up the steps to his dormitory, climbing onto his four poster bed, and closing the curtains. He laid down then, one hand going under the collar of his shirt to feel the bumps of his various scars. The Gryffindor girl would probably tell all of her friends how pitiful he'd been laying on the floor in a ball. She'd tell them how she'd been a hero, and he'd begged for her forgiveness for making her be in his presence. She would tell them how ungrateful he'd been for her help, and she would tell them how hurt she'd been at his dismissal. He'd be a villain again, and people would glare at him and tell him how he should rot in Hell like they always did.

Scorpius' other free hand went under his pillow, seeking the blade he hid there. He didn't create any new scars yet, but he did carefully set the tip of the blade on his stomach. With one small push down, the red beads of blood would appear and he wouldn't worry about what the girl would say about him.

He resisted for a good two minutes, before he slowly pressed down and slid the blade to the left. There was a sharp twinge of pain, but relief flooded through him. What the girl would say didn't matter. He would be just fine. He slid the blade again, pressing a little harder. More blood pooled around the wound, and Scorpius let it sit there for a moment. Control, he realized, was one of the nicest things in the world.

Suddenly, though, he found himself fighting to keep his eyes open. He was tired; he'd barely slept four hours the previous night, and had gone running around the perimeter of the castle until breakfast. Surely that warranted him a nap? Hoping he'd wake up in time for his patrols, Scorpius closed his eyes and fought to get some rest.

He managed to get an hour before he jolted awake, a nightmare still playing before his eyes. His stomach stung when he sat up, and only then did he remember the two cuts he'd made to help himself feel better. With a quiet spell he cleaned up the blood and prevented it from bleeding anymore. And then, because he still had three hours until he had something to do, Scorpius found himself wandering to the grounds.

Usually he would avoid them until about mid-November. The students loved to sit on the grounds and study, or play ridiculous games that Scorpius had never even seen before. But for some reason, he found himself pulled outside. The sunshine did make him feel a little bit better.

He was wandering a bit too close to the Forbidden Forest when he felt a hand on his shoulder. There were fresh scars there too, but Scorpius just gritted his teeth and hoped he wouldn't cry out in pain. They were from that morning; they still hurt a great deal. When he turned around, he was looking into the tired, concerned eyes of his favorite professor.

"How are you doing, Mr. Malfoy?" Professor Longbottom asked carefully. Scorpius had only had a few Herbology lessons so far that year, but he was ready for more. He just tended to get plants, even though his grandfather told him the talent was useless. His mother always told him he'd have to help her start a garden. They never had done that.

"I'm fine, thanks, Professor," Scorpius said politely. He didn't want the kind man to look at him for very long. Scorpius didn't look well, he knew, and most people didn't care enough to notice. Professor Longbottom was an exception.

Professor Longbottom was the only one who hadn't looked at his last name and scowled in first year. He was the person that had helped Scorpius up and scolded the person who'd tripped him when he was twelve. And as much as his father disliked the man, Scorpius adored him. Professor Longbottom made him feel special, and cared for. Which was precisely why he couldn't let his appearance be studied.

"It's a nice day," Professor Longbottom commented, walking alongside Scorpius. "I don't usually see you out on nice days. Is everything okay?" Scorpius' response was a simple nod that made the professor frown. "Somehow, I find myself incapable of believing you,"

"I...I'm sorry you feel that way, Professor," Scorpius said quietly, eyes trained on the ground. Unless his mind was deceiving him, a stain was starting to appear on his shirt. Right where he'd created new scars.

"I am too, Mr. Malfoy. I heard a rather interesting story from a Gryffindor girl not too long ago,"

He immediately turned red. "She was lying, about all of it. I'm-"

"Would you like to shame your side of the story, then?" Scorpius remained silent. "Scorpius," Professor Longbottom said gently, "What's wrong? You started under performing at the end of last year, and it doesn't seem to have gotten any better. You look pale; are you not feeling well? Is it...Is it your mother again?"

His face burned out of shame. All of Hogwarts knew what had happened to her, yet the only ones to care had been Professor Longbottom and, surprisingly, Albus Potter. His mother was a good woman-no, she was an amazing one. Two years ago she'd finally gotten her wish-a second pregnancy-but a curse intended for his father had landed her in the hospital, her hopes turned to dust. She'd been to St. Mungos no less than ten times in the past six months because she'd lost her balance and tripped down the stairs.

Professor Longbottom knew because Scorpius came running to him in a panic when he'd gotten the letter. Albus Potter knew because his own father had tracked down those responsible and made sure they were punished accordingly. It was one of the few times Albus Potter had spoken to him willingly, when his mother had first gotten injured. He'd come up and easily said that he hoped she would get better. Scorpius was fairly certain that Harry Potter had asked his son to do so, because he couldn't think of another reason why Albus would have approached him.

"She's fine," Scorpius said quietly. "She's…She's doing better. She hasn't been falling as often, and Dad...I mean he's always worried about her, but they're getting back to normal,"

Professor Longbottom offered Scorpius a small smile, but Scorpius didn't return it. "That's really good. I'm really happy for all of you. But...But if it's not your mother, what is it? You're one of my favorite students; I hate to see you like this,"

"It's nothing, Professor," Scorpius lied easily. His control felt like it was slipping away the longer he talked to Professor Longbottom. Which, he knew, would probably lead to him feeling out of control all night, and more scars. "I'm just...I've done so well for so long, and I'm tired. I'll try and get back to my usual standards, okay? I promise,"

His favorite professor didn't look pleased, but he didn't say anything to contradict Scorpius. Instead, he sighed and wished him a good day before heading back to the greenhouses. Scorpius felt a wave of relief hit him; he wouldn't have to explain anything to anyone. And with that thought, he checked his watch and then ran off to meet his partner for patrols.

* * *

Albus stared at the letter in his hands, a warm feeling blossoming in his chest as he saw his father's handwriting. His father was a busy man, and he didn't always respond right away when Albus wrote him. But the simple sentence he'd scribbled on a piece of parchment, _Dad I really need to talk to you; any chance you can make it to Hogsmeade this weekend?,_ seemed to have gotten his father's attention. Because the letter he received was instruction as to how to sneak out of the castle and meet at the Three Broomsticks.

Albus was out of his common room as quickly as he could leave. He wanted to see his dad, and hear his dad's advice about what to do about Isabella.

He'd seen a group of Ravenclaws teasing her mercilessly, when they'd separated for a few minutes on their patrols. He'd come back to find her trying to grab her wand, which a freakishly tall girl was holding high about poor Isabella's head. Albus had disarmed the girl and taken the wand back before holding it out for Isabella to grab. She had, and then had run off with burning cheeks to find her friends. Albus had been furious, and had shouted at the Ravenclaws, who then cowered. Some Hufflepuff he was.

They'd only been partners for a few days, but Albus had grown quite fond of the Slytherin girl. Yes, she was bubbly, and she talked a lot more than Thomas expected. But she was kind and considerate, and her own temper was almost non-existent. Albus thought she probably made a better Hufflepuff than he did, though he'd seen her typical Slytherin nature when she'd caught some boys picking on a first year. Her warm nature had disappeared, and the coldness that had seeped into her words had surprised him.

But he hadn't expected her to be bullied herself. He hadn't been expecting to see her huff and snatch her wand away from him before she ran off with red cheeks. He hadn't expected to hear the nasty comments of the girls as she did run off. He wanted to help her, despite their differences. And his father, he thought, would be the best person to talk to because his father had fought against this type of thing. His father was a hero; he wouldn't let a sixteen year old girl be hurt.

Sneaking out of the castle was far easier than Albus thought it should be. If it was this easy to leave, wouldn't it be just as easy for some unwanted person to get in? He chose to focus on something else, because the thought of someone getting into Hogwarts was a scary thought.

It took a bit of time, but finally Albus reached Hogsmeade. He hurried through the street with his head down, though some people did look at him funny. Albus got the looks more than he would have liked, but then again he was the 'spitting image' of his father, according to nearly every adult he spent time around. The only thing he wished was to look a bit more like a Weasley. The Weasley's had a hero status like his father, but people didn't pay them as much attention. And attention was one thing that Albus Potter thought he could do without.

He entered the Three Broomsticks and looked around nervously, hoping he wouldn't see any of his professors. He knew that a few of them came to Hogsmeade on weekends to see their families, Neville Longbottom especially, though he would probably understand why Albus had come. But instead of seeing them, he found his father sitting in the corner of the crowded pub and sipping a butterbeer. After a moment he looked up, as if he could sense Albus' gaze, and smiled.

Albus hurried over as his father stood. As soon as he reached him, his father pulled him in for a tight hug. "Hey, Dad," Albus said quietly, giving his father a squeeze before he pulled away. "Thanks for coming, I...I thought maybe you'd be too busy with work,"

"My family comes first, Albus, you know that. Or need I remind you of the time when James had a ballet recital?" he said with a grin. Albus snorted, knowing James would be furious if he knew they were talking about his short time as a dancer. In James' defense, he'd heard that knowing how to be a graceful dancer would help him be more graceful when he eventually played quidditch. He'd been eight, and he was an awful dancer. Still, not one of the other children on the stage had cared as much as James. And while he may have quit after that first recital, Albus had always admired his brother's courage for at least trying something new. He hadn't been shocked when James had been sorted into Gryffindor.

"I know; you gave away the case of the year to be able to go. James was so happy you were there,"

His dad smiled at him, and Albus grinned back. They each took a seat after Albus ordered a butterbeer of his own, and as they settled in, his father started to look a bit concerned. "I'm guessing you didn't want to meet up to reminisce about James' time as a ballerina?"

Albus sighed heavily, Isabella Goyle's hurt face flashing through his mind. "Do you know how the Malfoy's get death threats?"

His father raised an eyebrow, and nodded slowly. "Of course. I can't count the number of times an angry Draco Malfoy has walked into my department and demanded that Astoria and Scorpius have full time bodyguards. But why are you worried about that?"

"I'm...I'm not, not exactly. It's, well, you're not going to love this, but I got partnered with a girl for prefect patrols, and her dad, well, he was a Death Eater too, I think. Goyle, right?" Albus asked, noticing the subtle tensing of his father's face. "Well, um, Isabella, that's her name. She's...She's really nice, actually, and-don't make that face, Dad, she-"

"I thought Rose agreed not to put you with another bad partner?"

"Dad she's not a bad partner. She's nice, like I said, she's just...She's just a bit bubbly, I guess,"

"Bubbly? Are you sure she's a Goyle?"

"Yes, Dad, I'm-"

His dad leaned back in his chair slightly, managing a small smile. "Oh I'd _love_ to see Goyle dealing with a bubbly daughter. I'd love to see him dealing with a _daughter_ , for that matter. I know it's not fun; when Lily got her-"

" _Dad_! I don't need to hear that!"

He chuckled, and said, "Trust me, I felt the same way. When you have kids of your own-"

"Not sure that's going to happen," Albus interrupted.

"Why not?" his dad asked, looking a bit concerned. "I thought you wanted a family; you've always wanted a family. Did something change?"

Albus shrugged slightly, feeling his face grow warm. "I don't know. I just… I mean, kids my age, Dad, they've all had at least one girlfriend by now. And you and Mum knew each other, and so did uncle Ron and aunt Hermione, and uncle George and aunt Angelina, and Neville and Hannah, and-"

"Albus, we grew up in a war. Of course we were more eager to look for someone; we needed some light to make the dark more bearable. You're still young, though. You'll find someone,"

"I guess. I just...It's not going to be anyone in Hogwarts. I just...I don't like most of the girls, other than Rose and she's my cousin so I don't like her _that_ way, I just-"

"You're rambling, Kiddo,"

"I know, sorry," Albus muttered. He sighed; he was definitely a solid red now.

"Why are you worried about Isabella Goyle? Has something happened to her?"

"The...The kids at school are teasing her. We split up for a while on a patrol and these Ravenclaws were playing keep-away with her wand. And I just...I haven't known her long but she really is nice, Dad. Sure she's a bit talkative, and her dad was on the wrong side of the war, but I don't think she deserves to be teased so much. And I...I need you to tell me what to do. I want to protect her; I'm a prefect and it's my job to protect the other students,"

"What about her friends? Aren't they doing anything?"

"See, the thing is, I'm...I'm not sure she _has_ any friends. I looked for her at lunch yesterday and she was alone. She was alone at dinner too, and breakfast this morning,"

"So maybe you invite her to sit with you, or you go and sit with her. Just show her that someone cares, okay? And the teasing will get better. Whoever's doing it will grow up a little bit, and realize that Slytherins-I'm assuming that's her house-are people too. There's nothing wrong with them, and there's nothing wrong with the children of Death Eaters. But until they do, I'd recommend being her friend. And get Rose, Lily, and Hugo involved. The four of you are close; you could help her a lot,"

Albus knew he probably could have reached that conclusion by himself. Still, the fact that his father was willing to help him made Albus want to smile. He was lucky, to have the life he had.

A camera's flash changed his mood in a second. "Mr. Potter, why do your children get special privileges?" a voice asked.

There was another flash. "Mr. Potter, you're rarely photographed with your other two children. Any reason why Albus is your favorite?"

"Do you realize you're going to make him hated by his siblings?"

"Albus, how does it feel to be the only child your father loves?"

"I'm _not_ ," Albus said angrily, opening his mouth to say more. But his dad put a gentle hand on his shoulder and shook his head slowly. "Let's pay and get you back to school, yeah? I want to talk to Neville anyway,"

More cameras flashed as his dad threw a few galleons on the table. Those chasing stories followed the father and son as they hurried toward Hogwarts, shouting questions that made Albus' hands shake from anger. When they got to the gates of the school, Albus muttered a goodbye and ran off in the direction of the Black Lake. He hated getting ambushed by reporters. All he' wanted was a chance to talk to his father, and it had been ruined.

At least he had an idea of how to help Isabella Goyle.


	4. Chapter 4

It was a good day. The weather was warm, and the sun was shining. But Scorpius really didn't care much for the weather. Instead, he was more excited for the fact that Arabella had claimed him as a partner in Defense, so when they practiced, Scorpius wasn't alone. Arabella seemed worried through most of their class, though Scorpius wasn't sure why that would be. He'd done a really good job of acting normal, in his opinion, so she probably wasn't worried about him. He'd feel bad if she was; Arabella shouldn't have to worry about him.

He didn't ask her about it though. Arabella didn't really do intense conversations about her feelings. If she was upset, she'd explain later. It was just her way. She would have passed him a note if it was really important.

Herbology had been a good class as well. He'd finished his work faster than anyone else, and Professor Longbottom had asked for asked him for help in his personal greenhouse. Scorpius knew as well as anyone else that Professor Longbottom could handle taking care of his greenhouse on his own. Which meant he'd asked Scorpius to help simply because he enjoyed Scorpius' company. It was times like those when Scorpius thought about telling his professor just how much his approval meant. Then again, if Scorpius revealed too much, Professor Longbottom would press until he found out what Scorpius was doing. Then, he'd be as disgusted by Scorpius as Scorpius was of himself, which would never be good. He'd lose one of his few allies, and then he would get even worse.

Scorpius reminded himself that it was a good day. He couldn't let his fears and insecurities ruin everything, or he'd just end up in the bathroom at midnight with bloody shoulders and empty eyes. He needed to keep his control now, so he wouldn't have to get it back later. Maybe his favorite number could stay the same for a day. Scorpius knew that would be a good thing. Maybe then he could keep control for two days, and then maybe even three. Because even though he ignored it most of the time, Scorpius knew that what he was doing was wrong. It wasn't good to scar himself every day, or at all, because he could hurt the people he cared about. If they ever saw it, they'd be upset. Of course then they'd leave him, and he'd lose control anyway. Maybe stopping was pointless.

He ate lunch with Arabella. Really, he just talked to her and nibbled on a piece of bread. His stomach grumbled, but Scorpius ignored it. He was fine; he really wasn't _that_ hungry. And even though Arabella looked at his empty plate disapprovingly, Scorpius knew he was doing something good. By eating next to nothing, he retained more control over his body. Control was all he needed.

He skipped class that afternoon by convincing his professors that he was feeling sick. Scorpius assumed they let him go so easily because they hated him, not out of concern. His professors had scowled at his last name since day one. They would never suddenly like him.

There was a small alcove in the library that Scorpius felt comfortable in. He knew he wouldn't get sleep, because he'd have a nightmare or an impossible time drifting off. Instead, he'd work on homework for the classes he'd skipped, just so he wouldn't have to do it later. Scorpius had only skipped to avoid his classmates; he had no intention of getting out of work.

The afternoon was peaceful, though a tad cramped. He used a charm to create soft music to study to, and then got to work. Scorpius had always found school easy, and had always fought for the top of the class with Rose Weasley. The competition had always thrilled him, until, of course, he'd started to feel nothing at all. Rose had been beating him since the beginning of their sixth year. Everyone knew it, too. They all knew he'd dropped a couple of spots in the last year, yet none of them had thought to ask why. No one cared enough, not even Arabella. And his father, well, his father had just coldly stated that he was disappointed.

His quill stopped moving as he wondered why. Why did no one care for him? Was there something about him that made him completely unlovable? And when, exactly, had it come to light? Up until Hogwarts, he'd been fine. And other houses were friends with Slytherins, so that wasn't the problem. It was just him; he was repulsive.

Scorpius would have fixed himself, if he knew exactly what was wrong. It couldn't just be his last name; no one had a problem with the son of Pansy Parkinson, his father's old friend. And she had tried to give up Harry Potter, according to his father. People, especially the Potters, had reason to hate Marcus Brown. Yet instead, he'd been one of James Potter's best friends. If his heritage could be forgiven, Scorpius should get the same opportunity.

He went back to his Transfiguration essay. If he kept thinking about the mistake he was, he'd have a serious problem. It wasn't like he could pull his blade out in the middle of the library. People would never stop making fun of him if they knew what he was doing.

Then again, the library was nearly empty, and he couldn't see anyone. If he just made one, small cut to get his control back, then he'd feel better. He could get back to work on his essays without distraction. Before he could really think it through, he was reaching into the pocket of his robes. The second his fingers touched the cool metal, Albus Potter stepped in front of him. "Why aren't you in class?"

Scorpius just stared for a moment. "Why aren't _you_ in class?" he retaliated lamely.

"It's my free period," Albus responded. "But I know it's not yours-"

"Have my schedule memorized, do you Potter?"

"No! But...But Rose has class now, and she told me that you're in all of her classes,"

Scorpius rolled his eyes; of course Rose Weasley was the reason. No one cared to notice him. But then why had Albus Potter stopped? "What do you want? I'm a bit busy right now," His voice dropped with irritation, yet he felt oddly hopeful. It wasn't much, but the Hufflepuff had stopped. Maybe...Maybe Scorpius wasn't as awful as he feared? But then he remembered what Albus Potter had done to him in the past, and his hope disappeared. Scorpius wasn't cared about; Albus probably just wanted to pull a prank on him.

"I...Well I'm not...Actually, I could use your help," Scorpius just raised an eyebrow. "Um….Um, I know you have no reason to want to help me. But it's not for me; I want to help a girl from your house. Isabella Goyle; do you know her?"

"Why do you want to help her? She's fine, she's happy. All of Slytherin likes her well enough," He felt cold inside. His own house barely tolerated him; why would Albus pick Isabella to help over him? It had to be whatever made Scorpius so awful.

"I caught some Ravenclaws picking on her the other day," Albus explained. The air between the two boys felt tense and awkward. "They took her wand, Malfoy. And at lunch I heard some Gryffindors making fun of her. She's my patrol partner, and...and believe it or not, she reminds me of Lily. I want to help her, because then she could actually be happy,"

"And you honestly think you can accomplish that? You think you can make the whole of Hogwarts love her?" If he could, Scorpius would pack away his pride and ask for help for himself.

"I think I can, as long as I have help. Rose agreed; she's...she's the one who suggested we get your help as well. And Lily and Hugo, they're willing to help too. Hogwarts...It needs more unity,"

"Where was that idea six years ago?"

Albus Potter went red. "Look, I was a kid. I didn't get it. And you ended up exactly how everyone said you would; cold, angry, and alone. But Isabella's not like you; she actually has a heart, and feelings. And fine; you don't want to help her. I guess I shouldn't have expected anything else,"

He turned on his heel and walked away, leaving Scorpius to stare after him. Is that what people thought? That he didn't have feelings? That he was some cold, heartless monster?

Scorpius was embarrassed to feel his eyes start to water. If he didn't have feelings, then he shouldn't have been able to feel the sharp stab of pain in his stomach when Albus spoke to him. He shouldn't have cared that everyone saw him as a monster without feeling. But he did care. Scorpius didn't want to be by himself for the rest of his life. He didn't want to be seen as evil like his father had been. But no one cared about what he wanted, they just cared about what they saw.

Albus Potter was right; he was alone. He was so, so alone.

* * *

Albus didn't feel guilty, or at least that's what he told himself. He hadn't said anything wrong to Scorpius Malfoy. He hadn't seen the empty grey eyes come to life only to fill with pain. He didn't regret his words.

So why, after only just exiting the library, was he turning around to walk back in? It had to be because he needed to make a better case for Isabella. He still needed to convince the Slytherin boy to help her. Albus had made a plan; Lily and Hugo would spend time with her, he and Rose would hand out detentions to anyone who picked on her, and Scorpius Malfoy would encourage her when she was in their common room. Without Scorpius, he'd have to find a different Slytherin. And Malfoy, with a similar family history to Isabella's, had been the only logical choice. If he refused, Albus would have to make a new plan.

When he returned to Scorpius' alcove, he heard retching. Albus peered inside to see the Slytherin doubled over and holding his stomach, with a small amount of bile on his chin. "What the-" Albus started, and then his instincts kicked in. With a wave of his wand, the vomit disappeared. One more made a bucket appear, which Albus positioned under Scorpius' mouth. "Just let it out," he said gently, wondering what was wrong.

Scorpius was red as he retched again. Nothing come out, nor did anything come out when he retched a second time. Albus couldn't help but to think he'd cleared a tiny amount for someone who should have recently eaten lunch.

Finally, when he'd finished, Scorpius pushed Albus away. "Leave me alone," he demanded, and Albus rolled his eyes.

"I'm taking you to the hospital wing. You're sick,"

"No I'm-"

"Don't be stupid. The nurse can give you something to make you feel better,"

Albus met his favorite grey eyes to find them glaring at him. "You don't give a _damn_ about my well-being. Don't insult me by pretending you do. Go away; I'm fine,"

"Malfoy, this is ridiculous. You're sick, and I can help you. This isn't about who you are, it's about helping another human being,"

"I've never been a human to you before. You didn't care when I got sick on the train, or when I missed a week of class in third year. I know I'm the scum of the earth to you; stop trying to improve your image by helping me,"

Scorpius stood shakily and began to gather his things, and Albus just watched him. He hadn't expected that reaction when he'd decided to help. Nor had he expected to see more pain in the blond's eyes as he spoke. "Do you have a pulse?" Albus asked.

"What kind of _idiotic_ -"

"Just answer the question, Malfoy,"

"Of course I have a pulse; I'm not dead. I would have thought even your small brain could realize that much," Scorpius said coldly. Albus bit his tongue to keep himself from snapping at the Slytherin; now was not the time to start a fight. He was trying to help.

"If you have a pulse then you're a person. You always have been. Now let me help you,"

He didn't expect the blond to slide his wand out and stun him. "I'm not your damn charity case," Scorpius muttered. He stormed away then, and Albus was left lying there. He felt like an idiot. He'd only wanted to help, and Scorpius had _stunned_ him. Albus wanted to shout and, well, he really wanted to punch the blond in the nose. But Rose would be irritated if he just went around punching people, so Albus decided against tracking the other boy down.

It took a while, but the spell finally started to wear off. When he was able, Albus checked his watch. He was twenty minutes late to his second-to-last class of the day, a class that he shared with Rose. She'd strangle him when he walked in, and Albus didn't really feel like dying that day. He went anyway, and mumbled an apology to his professor before taking his seat next to his cousin.

Rose smacked his arm angrily, and glared at him. "And where have you been?" she whispered, and Albus shrugged.

"I got held up in the library," he muttered. It wasn't a lie, so Rose couldn't call him out on it. He knew she'd ask for more of the story, which he didn't want to give, but Rose was his best friend. He'd do anything for her, even if it meant something bad for himself.

"Held up how?"

"I found Malfoy in there," he whispered. "We argued a bit, and I left, but then I came back because I...I said some things I shouldn't have. He was getting sick and I tried to help and take him to the hospital and he, well, he stunned me and I kind of just had to sit there until it wore off. Don't look like that, Rose. I'm fine. It didn't hurt me or anything,"

His cousin still didn't look pleased. "We can give him detention, Albus. He can't just go around cursing people because he gets embarrassed. It's unacceptable. I'm sure we could convince someone to take away his badge,"

" _Rose_ , just let it go. I'm fine, he's fine, we're going to be done with this now. Let's pay attention, okay?"

Albus turned away from her and focused on the professor, so he wouldn't get snapped at. Then again, Rose would probably scream at him after class, because he'd let the Slytherin curse him. Albus wasn't exactly sure why she would choose to yell at him, but he knew his cousin. She'd come after him for someone bullying Hugo because he would actually listen to everything she wanted to say.

The rest of his classes passed without anything special to keep him interested. Albus just thought about Rose, and how angry she was, and how much Lily would laugh when she found out that Scorpius Malfoy had cursed him. His sister made fun of him for anything he did, and while Albus tended to roll his eyes, he loved her for it. Lily was fun, and she was always so happy, and Albus admired her.

He ended up in the great hall with Rose, Hugo, and Lily. Rose was eagerly telling their younger siblings about what Scorpius Malfoy had done, and Albus did end up getting teased for it. He considered telling them not to laugh, because Scorpius Malfoy was scary good with a wand, but he decided not to. Lily would just wiggle her eyebrows and make some stupid comment that Albus didn't care to hear.

Once his family had finished, they started on the homework for the day. Rose insisted that they start on it early-she had the best marks, so they tended to follow her for school-so that they'd have some free time each night. Albus probably would have started early anyway. He wasn't nearly as smart as Rose, and if he wanted to even try to keep up with her then he had to keep on top of his school work.

They were mostly finished by the time dinner rolled around, which Albus was grateful for. He was hungry, and his eyes were starting to hurt from staring at the page of a textbook for too long. Rose just seemed irritated about the meal, probably because she was halfway through her Arithmancy homework and had to finish it later. The breaks were good for her though. Albus was half sure she would work herself to death if she didn't have to stop every now and then.

His family laughed all during dinner. The tended to laugh through most meals at Hogwarts, and at home as well. Albus' family was as happy and full of life as Lily, and he wouldn't have it any other way. But that night, something felt off. For a long time, Albus couldn't put his finger on exactly what it was, because when he looked at the other tables, the other students seemed as happy as he felt.

But then an owl flew into the room, a note landing on Scorpius Malfoy's lap. Everyone stared, because it was rare for students to get mail at night. Parents tended to just wait until morning. The last time Albus could remember Scorpius Malfoy getting mail at night, his mother had been attacked.

He watched as the Slytherin opened the note, his face turning a light shade of pink at the amount of attention people were paying him. A moment later, the note was crumpled and shoved into his pocket. Scorpius stood and calmly walked out of the great hall, the entire student body watching him go. "Scorpius!" Arabella Zabini said loudly, standing as well and chasing after him. " _Scorpius_!"

"What do you think that's about?" Rose whispered, looking nervously after the two Slytherins. The hall was already erupting in chatter, and rumors would probably reach their ears within minutes.

"I'm not sure," Lily said. She also looked worried, which made Albus feel a bit better. At least he wasn't the only one in his family who was concerned for the blond. "Nothing good, though. I'm sure he'll be fine though. We should just ignore it."

Albus, Hugo, and Rose all mumbled their agreement, and started a new conversation. But that night, Albus was sure to write his father and ask if anything particularly bad had happened that day. He may not like Scorpius Malfoy very much, but that didn't mean he wanted anyone to get hurt like they had before.


	5. Chapter 5

Scorpius' father was a stern man. He was furious every time someone even looked at their family the wrong way, though Scorpius wouldn't blame him for that. He hated the way people looked at their family too. Usually they were looked at like they were evil, though Scorpius really couldn't see them that way.

Scorpius had run in a panic to one of the greenhouses, and had spent a good twenty minutes in the corner before Professor Longbottom had found him. All his professor had done was hold out a hand so Scorpius would give him the note he'd received at dinner. When the note was read, his father had been sent for along with an auror.

 _Your father will beg for mercy by the time we're finished with you, just like people used to beg him._

There was no real threat. Scorpius recognized the handwriting from the various threats his family had gotten. It belonged to one of the criminals who'd hurt his mother, and they were locked up for life. Scorpius didn't tend to get notes sent directly to him, that role belonged to his father. And usually, they were just things like _Your family is going to suffer_ or _You'll be with the rest of the Death Eaters soon enough_. The notes always shook Scorpius up though, because people wanted to hurt his family. People wanted to hurt _him_ , and he was just in school and he hadn't done anything wrong.

Scorpius didn't want to see him. His father would be angry, and he'd shout at the poor auror who was with him. He'd probably forget to even ask Scorpius if he was okay. "Here," Professor Longbottom said, interrupting his thoughts. "Your plate was still full,"

He took the sandwich his professor had offered wordlessly. He wasn't hungry, but not eating would make Professor Longbottom suspicious. He took a bite, but he didn't take any more. He felt like he was going to be sick. "Scorpius, everything will be alright. There are a couple of angry people out there, but most have already forgiven your father for what happened. My friend Luna has, and the Weasleys and Potters have pretty much forgiven him too. And you haven't done anything wrong; no one is upset with you,"

Obviously Professor Longbottom didn't pay as much attention as Scorpius had thought. All but two people at Hogwarts had hated him since day one. Scorpius was as evil as everyone thought his father was, apparently.

He only had to wait about ten minutes before his father threw the door open and stormed in. Harry Potter trailed behind him, looking tired. And behind him, to Scorpius' surprise, was his mother. "Get away from my son, Longbottom," his father said furiously.

His professor, who'd taken a seat next to him, frowned as he stood. "I'm just trying to help,"

"Help? It's your kind who-"

"Professor Longbottom had nothing to do with it, Father," Scorpius mumbled, his gaze firmly on his knees. If he looked up, he was going to cry. Professor Longbottom had been lying to him; he didn't care. No one cared.

His father didn't look at him. Instead, he rounded on Harry Potter. "You promised you'd keep them safe. You promised we wouldn't get any more threats. How did this happen?"

"I'm sorry; we haven't seen any new threats in a while-"

"So do your job, Potter, and look harder!"

"I have twenty other cases, Malfoy-"

"My son is more important than whatever silly noise complaint you're dealing with,"

"I'm the head of my department; I don't deal with noise complaints,"

"I think we're losing sight of the issue here," Professor Longbottom said.

The three just bickered, which made Scorpius' head hurt. All he wanted to do was run to the nearest bathroom and make himself feel better. How many cuts was he allowed after receiving a death threat? At least five, probably more. Then he could get his mind back under control and not be afraid of men in Azkaban.

But he couldn't run away. His father would disapprove of any weakness from him, and Scorpius didn't need to be scolded as well. So, he just stood there. Until there was a gentle hand on his chin, and Scorpius remembered that his mother had come as well. "He's just worried, Scorpius," she said gently. "He doesn't want you to get hurt,"

Scorpius nodded slightly. He knew his father loved him, even if the rest of the world thought his father was incapable of loving anyone. His mother decided not to say anything to the three men, and instead just stood next to him to offer any amount of support that she could. Scorpius didn't take notice; he was too busy staring out the window to actually notice anything else. The arguing was making him tired; had he been this tired before everything had happened?

After a good twenty minutes of arguing, the door to the greenhouse opened. A different auror approached them, maybe twenty-five years old, and nervous. "Mr. Potter, I went to Azkaban to make sure everything was alright. The guards, they've got ten men watching over the three who hurt Mrs. Malfoy. They don't know how they got paper or sent it out, but it shouldn't happen again. A-Also-"

"That's what you all said last time," his father started.

"Malfoy, we're trying our-"

"Obviously you're not trying hard enough! This is ridiculous; my family doesn't deserve this,"

"I let your children know that you're here, Mr. Potter," the young auror said, sounding a bit terrified. "Just like you asked. They're waiting in the entrance hall,"

"Of course you're-" his father started, but he was cut off by Scorpius' mother.

"Draco, Scorpius looks exhausted. We'll update him in the morning, but for now he's going to bed," she said, her voice firm.

Scorpius looked to his father for approval. He was afraid that leaving would upset his father, and he definitely didn't want to do that. But his father's face softened ever so slightly, and he nodded curtly. "Go. We'll send a letter in the morning,"

Scorpius mumbled his thanks and let his mother give him a hug before he hurried out of the greenhouse. But he didn't go to the castle. Albus and Lily Potter were in the entrance hall so he'd have to pass him. They'd make fun of him and Scorpius didn't need to hear that at the moment.

A faint glow appeared from the entrance to the castle, but Scorpius ignored it and went to the Black Lake. He'd wait an hour to go inside. Even if the Potters were still together, they'd have moved out of the entrance. In the meantime, he could get started on repairing the control that had been shattered. Scorpius had just pulled out his blade when he noticed the light heading straight for him. He sat, tense, until he heard a shout and saw the light hit the ground.

Not even a minute later, Albus Potter stood in front of him. "I'd just sent a letter off to Dad when an auror came and told me to wait for him in the entrance hall with Lily. It's not your mother again, is it?"

"What are you doing down here?"

"I...I figured you'd be in the greenhouse because you like that class, or at least you seem to. I was going to come make sure you were okay, and then I noticed you leave so I followed you. But...So are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Okay? Is your family okay?"

"You don't care," Scorpius said angrily. No one cared about his family, and Albus Potter wasn't any different.

"I don't want anyone hurt, and that includes you. We've already established that you're a person," Albus said. Scorpius felt a lump grow in his throat, and he couldn't speak. No one cared about him or his family. But Albus had come to check on him. Why? "Malfoy?" He felt oddly hopeful, and he couldn't remember the last time that he'd really felt that way. "Is there something I can do?"

"I...I'll help her,"

"What?"

"Isabella. I'll...I'll help her, okay? You can go now,"

"I mean that's great and all, but I wasn't asking about Isabella right now," Albus said slowly. "Are you sure you're alright? You don't look so good. If you get sick again I swear I'm going to tell you 'I told you so'. Malfoy?"

Suddenly, the hope withered away. That's what this was about; Albus had only come to find him to see if Scorpius would get sick again. He just wanted to laugh with the rest of Hogwarts about Scorpius' misfortune.

He felt cold. "Get away from me,"

"What? I just-"

"I'll help Isabella but get the _hell_ away from me. You're not my friend; we don't even like each other. I don't want you anywhere near me,"

Anger flashed in the other boy's green eyes, and Scorpius ignored it. He listened to the biting remark that Albus left with, the cold, empty feeling spreading through his body and making him want to curl into a ball. Instead, he took his blade and cut into the pale flesh on his wrist. He didn't feel any better, so he made another cut, and then another. He'd keep going until he felt better. It wasn't about control anymore; it was just a way to feel something other than empty.

* * *

Albus avoided Scorpius Malfoy for two weeks. He was confused and angry about the blond's complete dismissal, and he knew he'd make everything worse by insulting Scorpius again. He felt disgusted with the last insult that he'd left, and Rose had been worried by his utter silence at breakfast the next morning. He'd just been angry, that was all. He hadn't meant to say anything that bad, but he couldn't control his mouth when he was angry.

He still hadn't told Rose or Lily or Hugo what had happened. He'd just stayed quietly by their side and done his work. Lily had written their parents, Albus knew, because he'd gotten a note to check in a few days later after the incident. He'd written back to say that he was fine, but hadn't put anything else in the note.

It had been two weeks and he still felt gross. Even Isabella knew something was wrong, and they weren't very close. His plan had started, yes, but she was just nervous around him now, because she didn't want to mess anything up. Albus wanted to convince her that she couldn't mess anything up, because they were basically starting from the bottom.

But after it had been two weeks, Albus needed his help. He needed someone to remind Isabella that everything would work out when he couldn't. He could tell that she was already losing faith in Albus' plan, and she felt awkward about two younger students trying to help her. And while she seemed to like Lily and Hugo, she just didn't know how to interact well with them. But she was a Slytherin; she would know how to be herself with another Slytherin. Scorpius had agreed to help her, so hopefully he wouldn't mind Albus approaching him.

Albus' opportunity came on an afternoon he'd spent in the library with his family. He could see Scorpius Malfoy and Arabella Zabini from his table, and every couple of minutes he glanced at the blond. It went on for twenty minutes before Rose finally kicked him under the table and whispered, "Why do you keep looking over there?"

"Over where? I think you're seeing things, Rose," Albus denied. He didn't want his cousin to bring attention to his actions, because she could be loud and she might make the Slytherins look at them.

"You've been carefully observing Scorpius Malfoy for half an hour. Is there something I should know about?" Lily said, and Albus went red. "I mean, you've always stared at him-"

"He has?" Rose asked, sounding shocked.

"Well I can see why," Lily said. "Malfoy's a looker. Even you can admit that,"

"Just because he's handsome doesn't mean Albus is staring at him,"

"He dozed off in the common room last night and mumbled his name," Hugo added. Albus kicked him, which made Rose kick Albus again.

"Be nice to my baby brother,"

"I wasn't mumbling his name. I wouldn't do that,"

"No, I specifically remember you saying 'I'm sorry, Malfoy' when Lucy poked you and tried to wake you up," Hugo said.

"What do you have to be sorry for?" Lily asked curiously.

Albus just glared at his family. "I'm not talking about this with you,"

"Great, so we can have a conversation about you staring at him then," Rose said with a smile. "Really, Albus, you know you can tell us anything, right? If you find him attractive, well, we'll love you no matter what,"

He was mortified. They were questioning his sexuality now; what had he ever done to make them question that? "I mean, you've never had a girlfriend," Lily added. "And believe me, I've seen girls fawning over you. You never even look at them twice. James agrees that there's probably a reason behind that,"

Albus shook his head quickly. "We're not discussing this. We're not discussing this in the _middle_ of the _library_. And for the record, even if...even if I did prefer my own gender, I wouldn't tell any of you because you'd make a big deal out of it!"

His family looked strangely hurt. Albus was just embarrassed; he didn't give much thought to relationships. He knew he didn't want what James had, which was a different girl leaving his flat every week, and even his parents' marriage didn't seem to be the right fit. But that didn't mean anything. It just meant he wanted to be alone, probably. He could live with Rose and he'd be okay with that because Rose was his best friend.

"Albus-"

"Let's just change the topic, okay?" Albus said. He knew he sounded like he was begging, but he really did just want to change the topic. Albus didn't think about that kind of thing. He thought about school or his favorite book or something simple like that.

"Okay. But only if you tell us why you're looking over there," Hugo said, reminding Albus that he really was Rose's brother.

"I...I said something that I shouldn't have said. To him. Something really...really bad,"

"Oh, Albus," Lily sighed. "What did you say?"

"I...I called him a mini Death Eater. I...It doesn't sound as bad now but I was wrong to say it, and he's not evil or anything. I just...I wanted to help and he just kept pushing me away and talking about how we didn't get along. And so I was angry, because...But he's not that bad and I just can't control my temper and…"

He trailed off. "Well if you feel so bad about it, then I want you to go and apologize,"

"I can't just go over there, Rose," Albus protested. "I'll get cursed again,"

"Don't be silly. You feel bad about it, and you've been moping for two weeks. So fix it, okay?"

Rose kicked his shin once more, and Albus scowled at her before he stood up. He knew he had to talk to Scorpius because of Isabella. He'd grown quite fond of her since becoming her partner for patrols, and he just wanted to help her feel happy and make new friends. So he swallowed his nerves and walked over to Scorpius Malfoy's table.

Arabella Zabini frowned at him as he approached; Scorpius Malfoy refused to even look at him. "What do you want?" she asked coldly. "You have five seconds before I curse you,"

"Malfoy can I talk to you for a moment? Alone?" Albus asked, sounding nervous. He hated how his voice sounded, because his family never sounded nervous. They were all strong and brave, and Gryffindors. He wasn't.

"I think he'll pass. You see, Scorpius-"

"Come on then," Scorpius said, frowning. He glanced at Arabella, who looked irritated, and then added, "I'll be back in a minute, okay? Don't worry,"

Albus watched her nod, and for a moment he saw worry appear in her eyes. But when she noticed him looking, she narrowed her eyes at him and Albus felt uncomfortable. So he just followed the rising Slytherin out of the library. They stopped in an empty corridor not too far away, and Albus scolded himself for even approaching the blond. It was a bad idea; he should have just left the other boy alone.

"I'll give you five minutes," Scorpius said. Albus could tell he was trying to sound angry and intimidating, but he just sounded tired. "And then I'm going back to my friend and you're going to leave me alone for the rest of the year. Unless the matter involves Goyle, I don't want you to even look at me,"

Albus nodded slightly, focusing on his shoes. "I deserve that, I suppose. I just wanted to apologize for what I said to you,"

He chanced a glance at the other boy. Scorpius Malfoy had an eyebrow raised, and he didn't look like he believed in Albus' apology at all. "Sure. Whatever. If that nonsense is all you've got to say, then I'm-"

"No, it was wrong," Albus interrupted. "I know you're not evil. I just...Look, I wanted to help you, and you just kept pushing me away. I got angry and...and that was wrong. What I said was wrong. And I feel gross because I said it. You're a little rough around the edges, Malfoy, but everyone is. I shouldn't have said what I did,"

"Nice of you to notice that. But you're here to clear your own conscience, and as I really don't care about your conscience, I'm going back to my table,"

He started to walk away, and Albus started to feel frustrated once again. He just wanted the Slytherin to listen to him, and not necessarily accept his apology but to at least acknowledge it. So he lunged forward, grabbing Scorpius' shoulder to stop him and make him turn around. And the other boy flinched, his grey eyes filling with pain for a moment. "I didn't mean-"

"What do you want?" Scorpius hissed, his eyes narrowed. Albus withdrew his hand like he'd been burned; he couldn't figure out why Scorpius had reached with a flinch and pain.

"Did something happen? Someone...Did someone hurt you?"

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm fine. Now what do you want?"

"I want to know why you flinched when I touched you. I want to...I want to know why you look sick right now, and why you were sick two weeks ago. You...You look like my great aunt. I saw her once, a few years ago. She was sick and she looked like you. Is that what the letter was about? Are you sick?"

Albus knew he was jumping to conclusions, but it made sense. Scorpius Malfoy was sick; he had to be. "I'm not sick you imbecile. If it pleases you to know, the letter was a threat to me and my father. Other people, like you, believe that I'm evil. I haven't even done anything; I was sitting at dinner and suddenly my life was being threatened. And then I have you coming to me and confirming that all I have to look forward to is people looking at me and scowling and thinking I'm exactly like my father. But my father isn't that bad. He made mistakes, Potter. Just like your father made mistakes when he was a kid,"

The Slytherin looked surprised at his rant. Albus was glad to see an emotion in his eyes once again. "Someone threatened you?" Albus managed to ask.

"Don't act so surprised. You know what they did to my family. And don't tell anyone, okay? I haven't told Arabella what happened and she'll murder me if I told someone who's not even my friend. Because you're not my friend; you made that pretty clear in first year,"

"I was a kid,"

"As if that excuses anything," Scorpius said, rolling his eyes. "I was a kid too. I was a kid and I knew I wasn't evil. And you knew I wasn't evil too, because you talked to me and you wanted to be my friend on the train. And then you let everyone else convince you that I was some awful kid. The whole of Hogwarts hated me, except for Arabella. Being a kid doesn't excuse that,"

Albus just stared. He knew that Scorpius was right. As irritating as he found the Slytherin, he'd known he was alright. And he knew that Rose felt bad about shunning him too. "I can help you?" Albus said slowly. "Like I want to help Isabella? We screwed up all those years ago, but I can't take that back now. But I can help you?"

"I don't need your help," Scorpius muttered, frowning. "I learned how to handle it. I'm fine,"

"But-"

Scorpius sighed heavily. "Just tell me when you want my help with Isabella. She still has almost two years left. She doesn't have to be miserable the whole time,"

Albus nodded slightly. He wanted to make things better, but he knew he probably didn't deserve the opportunity. Scorpius turned on his heel then, and Albus let him walk back to the library. At least he would still help with Isabella.

But that meant they had to have another conversation. Maybe Albus could even make them have multiple conversations. That meant there was still a chance he could at least have a truce with Scorpius Malfoy. There was still hope; there would always be hope. His father had taught him that.


	6. Chapter 6

Scorpius couldn't move. He hurt too much to move, and he felt like he was going to be sick. Staying in bed seemed like a good option, all things considered. It was a Saturday anyway, so it wasn't like he had anything important to do that day. He had essays, yes, but he could work on them when everything stopped hurting.

The pain seemed to start in his stomach and radiate out from there. He was probably sick; he hadn't been eating a lot and he'd been spending time outside even though it was starting to get cold out. Scorpius knew he should go to the hospital wing, but he couldn't get up. It hurt; everything hurt.

So, he just stayed curled up with his curtains drawn. He would feel better that night so he could go run around the castle grounds then instead of in the morning. He had to make sure he went for a run; it relaxed him. And sure, he could probably calm it down a bit and not go as long, but he'd only do that for one night.

Scorpius grabbed his blade from under his pillow. If he could distract himself from his pain with a different kind, maybe he would feel better for a little while. Scorpius made a few cuts to his wrist. It was a foolish place to do it, but he didn't want to move too much and feel awful. For a few seconds he felt nothing but relief, but then everything just started to hurt again. So he cut again, and then once more. Nothing seemed to really help, so he just squeezed his eyes closed and tried to get some sleep. He wouldn't feel pain if he was sleeping.

He didn't sleep well. His dreams involved being tortured and ridiculed for who he was, as if he could change himself or his last name. Scorpius did manage to sleep for about four hours though, and it was the chatter of his roommates that woke him. It was a little after eight in the morning, when people would normally be headed to breakfast. His stomach clenched at the thought of food, but he didn't get up. He hadn't eaten decently in so long, and he was sure that if he tried now he'd just get sick.

Scorpius tried to get back to sleep. His wrist was throbbing and he hadn't bothered to clean himself up yet, but no one would see so it didn't matter. He focused on the throbbing then, because the steady feeling would lure him back to sleep.

His dreams weren't any different than they were the first time he'd tried to sleep. He was being screamed at, and someone had cursed him to make him feel even more pain than he did before. Scorpius couldn't even fight back; his wand was across the room so the only thing he could do was curl into a ball.

When he woke up the next time, he felt completely rotten. Even in his dreams he was completely hated and couldn't do anything to change it. It was his life, apparently, no matter how much he didn't want it.

Scorpius slowly sat up, cringing at the dull ache in his body. He considered going to the hospital wing once again, because there was a potion that would help him feel better. That meant seeing other people though, and Scorpius wasn't really sure if he was prepared for that at the moment. Arabella was probably in the common room and she would throw a fit when he came down without having been at breakfast.

He grabbed his wand from his nightstand and cast a simple charm to tell him the time. It was afternoon at that point, and Scorpius was surprised he'd managed to sleep for so long. But because it was so late, he knew he had to get up and do some homework, otherwise he'd be behind for the next week. He had patrol that night too, right after dinner, and his partner would probably prefer it if he was clean.

After opening his curtains and making sure there was no one there to see him, Scorpius climbed out of bed and walked slowly to the bathroom. It hurt to walk, even though he hadn't done any physical activity that would have caused it. And he felt tired; he'd slept most of the day and he was still exhausted.

His arm was stained red, and the cuts stung when the water hit them. The spike of pain just felt nice though, because it distracted him from the pain he felt everywhere else. Because of that, his shower was longer than usual. He needed the stinging pain on his arm to keep his mind clear from everything else that was going on.

Scorpius made sure to wear long sleeves that afternoon. He didn't have the energy to heal the fresh scars, and he knew no one would pay attention to his wrist anyway. People didn't care about him; why would they? If his dreams were any indication, people didn't even see him as human.

Scorpius' face went pink. Albus Potter kept saying he saw Scorpius as human. He wasn't sure if he could really believe the Hufflepuff, but it was a nice thought. Albus thought he didn't deserve to be treated like an animal. The other boy didn't think much more of Scorpius, but it was better than what anyone else thought. Arabella was the only other exception that wasn't in his family.

He didn't like to think about Albus Potter. Albus had been trying to talk to him more and more since they'd started to help Isabella. Scorpius didn't really mind if he talked about Isabella, because at least then he didn't have to pay much attention. But every now and then, Albus would slip in some personal question that Scorpius would answer without thinking about. It always infuriated him when he was tricked into answering those questions, and the proud look that Albus Potter wore didn't make him any happier.

Arabella wasn't in the common room when Scorpius finally walked down. No one really paid him any attention, though Isabella did look up and send him a small smile. Scorpius just nodded back and walked out. He wasn't really sure where he was supposed to go, because Arabella was probably with her other friends and he didn't want to bother her. Eventually he decided to just find a quiet spot in the library. He could pick out a book and read until it was time for his patrol.

Which is exactly what he did. It ended up being an old, thick Herbology book that he picked out, but no one bothered him so he got a good amount read. Scorpius considered going to find Professor Longbottom to talk about what he'd read, but he didn't want to bother the man. Besides, after receiving the threat he'd realized that his professor didn't care as much as Scorpius had thought. He wasn't going to be hurt by someone; he refused to let it happen. He'd even started to keep his head down during class just to make sure that his professor didn't notice him. Scorpius had gotten worried looks, but Professor Longbottom never said anything.

Scorpius didn't bother going to dinner. He would get sick, surely, and he didn't really feel hungry anymore. No one would miss his presence, so why bother even going? All he had to do was go down to the great hall at the end of dinner to meet his partner, spend two hours with someone he didn't really care for, go for a run, and then he could finally go back to bed.

Scorpius sighed heavily; it would be at least another four hours before he could get back to his bed. He was tired; he just needed a few good hours of sleep and then he would feel a hundred times better. Then again, he'd gotten a decent amount of sleep the previous night and that hadn't done anything for him.

Time seemed to drag on, but eventually Scorpius could walk down to the great hall for his patrol. He could get through two hours of walking around in silence. He spent most of his time by himself or with Arabella, and they didn't always talk constantly. But when he got to the great hall, he didn't find his partner waiting for him outside. He saw Albus Potter leaning against a wall, but Scorpius avoided him to wait for his partner to come out. He would have waited another hour if it meant he could have avoided what happened next.

Albus Potter saw him and started to walk over. Scorpius just shook his head as the other boy approached, and said, "I don't have time to talk to you about Isabella right now. I'm waiting for my partner for patrols, so just-"

"That's actually what I'm here about. Your partner got sick and Rose made me take her spot tonight. Look, I know that's going to irritate you, but I'm not going against Rose. You wouldn't want to either,"

Scorpius just scowled at the other boy. He wanted to protest and get Albus Potter to just leave him alone, but that wouldn't work out. "Let's just walk and get this over with. And don't talk to me; I don't care about whatever you have to say, I just want to get away from you,"

Albus nodded slightly, his cheeks turning pink. The two boys started walking, following the normal route for patrols. Scorpius felt uncomfortable beside the Hufflepuff but there was nothing he could do to fix that.

* * *

Albus had his hands stuffed deeply into his pockets. He'd thought that agreeing to take a patrol with Scorpius would be a good thing, but the Slytherin just looked furious. And they'd only been walking for twenty minutes. In twenty minutes, Albus' presence had irritated Scorpius so much that his hands were shaking from anger. They hadn't even talked.

He wondered exactly what was wrong with him to make Scorpius hate him so much. Albus knew they hadn't been friendly since their first train ride, but they hadn't really been rude to each other either. He'd thought that they could get along, but Scorpius had no intention of doing that. Albus, on the other hand, had decided that he wanted to make the other boy smile. Scorpius Malfoy didn't smile very often, especially when he was with anyone other than Arabella Zabini. Albus didn't really know why that was the case, but he knew he wanted to change it.

"So I've been thinking about the Herbology es-"

"I thought I said no talking," Scorpius muttered, glancing at Albus and frowning.

"Look, I'm a talkative person. I can't make it for two hours without saying anything. Isabella talks to me; she's a great girl. I think my cousin Hugo is starting to like her because he always blushes when we talk about helping her or something. He's a good kid, Hugo. He's really good at art; I should show you some of his work,"

Albus watched as the other boy turned to look at him with surprise and irritation written all over his face. "I don't care about your cousin's art. I...I don't care about any of this so if you could just shut up, that would be great,"

"I'm good with talking, actually. If you want you can be silent and not respond, though that would be pretty rude, but I don't mind the sound of my own voice. Besides, the more I talk the more likely you are to respond and I think us talking would be-"

"For _Merlin's_ sake, Potter, I don't need your constant chatter!" Scorpius stopped in the middle of the hallway, glaring angrily at Albus. Albus was once again struck by the blond's eyes, and he couldn't help but notice the redness to them, or the bags under them. He looked exhausted, and sad, and Albus wanted to know why. "...ten minutes," Scorpius finally said.

"Excuse me? Ten minutes for what?"

"We can talk for ten minutes but then you're going to be quiet and leave me alone for the rest of this horrific patrol,"

Albus couldn't help but smile; it was the best he was going to get at the moment. The conversation they did have wasn't very personal, but Albus didn't need it to be personal. He needed it to lighten the mood and that was exactly what he did. Scorpius didn't allow the conversation to flow even a second after it had been ten minutes, but it was better than nothing. And even though they only had a real conversation for the short amount of time, Scorpius did seem a bit more relaxed. And when Albus wanted to make a few comments about whatever came to mind, he didn't get snapped at. Things were definitely starting to look up.

But now that they seemed to be in a better spot, Albus noticed that Scorpius' hands were still shaking. He didn't look nearly as angry, so Albus decided to ask, "Are you alright?"

"I said no more than ten minutes of conversation. I can handle your comments about whatever crosses your small mind, but I'm not getting into any other conversations," Scorpius said. Albus was surprised at his words; he'd thought they were in a slightly better position than when they'd started.

"It's just, well, you're shaking, Malfoy,"

"Excuse me?" Scorpius asked, sounding a bit irritated again.

"Your hands, they're shaking. Are you alright?" Albus asked again. When Scorpius didn't answer, Albus reached out and grabbed one of his hands to prove what he was saying. "See? We should go to the hospital wing or something, to make sure that you're alright. You were sick not too long ago and maybe this is a new type of sickness? We should get you help,"

Scorpius Malfoy just jerked his arm away and started to glare at Albus again. "Don't touch me. Don't ever touch me again, okay? I'm fine, Potter. I wasn't sick, despite what you tell yourself,"

"You threw up, Malfoy," Albus said as he raised an eyebrow. He couldn't really pretend that he'd been perfectly fine; Albus had seen him get sick. "I'm not an idiot; I know that throwing up means your sick. That's how Dad figured out James had poisoned me when we were kids,"

Scorpius just stared at him, and Albus blushed. "...Your brother poisoned you?"

"It's a long story," Albus muttered. "I don't want to talk about it,"

"Oh we're talking about this one," Scorpius said. "Go on, you were so eager to talk before. Let's hear about it; I want to know what happened,"

"When we were kids, James got his hands on a poison. Don't ask me how; I think aunt Hermione must have left it at some point. She'd brought it from work because she was helping Dad figure out how it worked. People could heal those who'd ingested it, but some crazy person had made it so they didn't know all the damage it could cause or anything like that. Well, James wanted to see how fast Dad would react to someone being poisoned. Dad's an auror, and he's supposed to be really skilled. James decided I was the perfect test subject, and he poured a bit of the potion in my drink one night. He didn't want me to get hurt, he just wanted to see Dad at work.

"He was furious when he figured it out. We were at the dinner table and I just started throwing up and choking. My mother thought I'd caught the flu or something, but then James started laughing and Dad recognized that as one of the symptoms. I was throwing up because I was sick. And you were throwing up a few weeks ago, so I know you were sick too. I'd like to help you, if I can,"

Scorpius didn't care about what Albus wanted to do. "Your brother _poisoned_ you, Potter,"

"I'm aware. He wasn't allowed to leave the house for the entire summer even though I told my parents I wasn't really angry about it,"

"How could you not have been angry about it? You were poisoned because your brother was curious. I would have been furious,"

Albus just shrugged and said, "I had Dad. He's an auror and he saves people all the time, so I wasn't worried. And yeah, I was mad at first, but I got over it pretty quickly. As far as James goes, that one wasn't the worst,"

"What was the worst occurrence?"

"When I was five he convinced me that I was adopted and that our parents didn't love me, and that I'd only be happy if I ran away to find my real parents,"

"Please tell me you didn't fall for that nonsense,"

"Oh, I did. I was five; I didn't think about the fact that I was the spitting image of my father. I snuck out one morning and tried to hide out in the forest next to our house until I could find a way into London. I was sure that's where I'd come from, because I liked to visit it so much,"

"You actually ran away from home?" Scorpius asked in surprise. They'd started walking again, though their pace was slower than it had been before, and Albus was grateful for it. He'd never realized how quickly Scorpius Malfoy walked, but he was surprised he'd managed to keep up.

"I wasn't the brightest kid. No one thought I'd get into Ravenclaw. But, I mean, James is my brother and when I was a kid I worshipped him. I believed everything he said. Anyway, when my parents figured out what was happening they called all of my aunts and uncles to come help look. They went to the forest, of course, and they found me. But I thought they'd all lied so I climbed a tree and ended up falling and breaking my arm. It was my uncle George who found me after I fell. He's always been sad, ever since I can remember seeing him, but he seemed to snap out of it for a minute when he tried to make me stop crying and wanted to bring me back to my house,"

Scorpius just shook his head. To Albus' absolute surprise, the blond let out a chuckle, and he even saw the faintest hint of a smile. "Your family is insane,"

"You get used to it after a while. And you get used to people following you everywhere and trying to get some news story. It's only irritating when they make things up about our family, really,"

"I know how that goes," Scorpius muttered, the hint of a smile disappearing.

"You do?"

"You know who my family is, Potter. Of course people make things up about us. Someone murdered a muggle five years ago and everyone blamed my dad,"

"But why? They didn't have any proof,"

"You didn't have any proof when you decided I was evil in first year," Scorpius muttered. "All the proof they needed was that he has the Dark Mark on his arm,"

"I'm really sorry about that. At least he got his name cleared. And...And I know you're not evil. I really am sorry about just abandoning you in first year. It was wrong,"

"Really? I had no idea," Scorpius muttered sarcastically. Albus chuckled, and glanced at the other boy to see him shaking his head slightly. "I got over that years ago. You're not the only one who did it, so you can't be the only one to hold the blame,"

"At least we don't have to worry about that anymore, right?"

"We're not friends, Potter. This patrol doesn't change anything,"

Albus just shrugged and smiled at the other boy. "You never know. My grandmother says I have an irresistible personality,"

He continued to smile until he tripped over his own two feet and landed on his face. "Right. Completely irresistible," Scorpius said, shaking his head. Albus didn't know how to recover from that particular moment, but as he rolled over to stand, he found a pale hand reaching out to him. "Come on, Potter. We still have an hour left of this patrol. You're not spending the entire time laying on the ground,"

Albus held back a smile as he took the other boy's hand. He noticed the other boy wince, but he didn't say anything. He refused to say anything because he didn't need to upset the boy. He'd only just started making progress with Scorpius Malfoy, and he was not going to ruin it.


	7. Chapter 7

Hogsmeade had always been a chore rather than a privilege to Scorpius. He tended to get dragged into whatever group Arabella had accompanied that time. The trips would have been fine had Scorpius just been with his friend, but instead he was stuck trying to fit in with the other Slytherins in his year. They were all good friends, and Scorpius had always gotten the feeling that he wasn't wanted on the expeditions. He'd tried to skip them because of that, but Arabella had always found a way to convince him to tag along.

Currently, they were sitting in The Three Broomsticks, sipping butterbeer and laughing about something a first year had done in the common room that morning. Scorpius didn't join in; he'd been running around the grounds when the poor boy had knocked over a table with various trinkets on it. He didn't even find it funny; he just felt bad for the boy. Scorpius had been in his position before, having people laugh at him, and he hated it.

So he was silent, and occasionally just sipped his butterbeer. Arabella looked at him every now and then to send a small smile, but Scorpius didn't return them. He was tired and he wanted to go back to bed. But after drinking with the Slytherins, he was supposed to meet Isabella and Albus at the Shrieking Shack, though he couldn't remember exactly what it was they wanted to talk about.

Scorpius was pretty sure that he could get out of the little meeting. If he just sent a small note saying he was feeling ill, then he could go back and lay in bed for the rest of the day. Then again, Albus Potter tended to snap at people when he got mad, and abandoning Isabella would definitely irritate him. Scorpius sighed heavily at the table; he had no real choice as to what he was going to do.

Arabella was the one who managed to throw a wrench into the plan to meet with Albus and Isabella. The other Slytherins wanted to go shop around Hogsmeade and Arabella was sure to drag him along. She thought he was going to end up alone if she didn't bring him, and for some reason that thought bothered her. Usually she didn't care if he was alone or not, but she hadn't really left him alone since the day he'd spent in bed.

They looked at the joke store, because one of the girls wanted to prank her younger brother. Scorpius had never really cared for pranks, because most of the time they were directed at him. But it made him think of Albus, and the patrol they'd done together. The Hufflepuff seemed to be pranked all the time, but he didn't really care. Scorpius wished he could take a page out of the other boy's book. He would love to be carefree like Albus Potter. Really, he just wanted to stop being so miserable and hopeless all the time.

They went to a bookstore next, because Arabella insisted upon going inside to try and find a series to read. And once again, he found himself thinking of Albus Potter. One of the books was colored the same bright green as his eyes. Scorpius didn't pay a lot of attention to the other boy's appearance, but it was hard to miss the striking eyes. He got so caught up in thinking about them that Arabella had to slap his arm just to get his attention. "Are you alright? I just said your name five times and you didn't bother to acknowledge me. Why are you staring at that book?"

"I was thinking, and you just interrupted me. I don't need that, by the way," Scorpius said with a small frown.

Arabella looked offended. "You're here with me, Scorpius. You should pay more attention to your friend than to a book you're not even interested in buying,"

"I didn't ask to be here, you know," Scorpius reminded her, irritated at the situation he was in. As if he actually wanted to be thinking about Albus Potter. He just wanted to go to bed, that was all. And maybe if he argued with Arabella, she'd leave him to go back to the castle in peace. "I got dragged along,"

"I'm not going to let you sit in the common room or your dormitory by yourself all day. You keep trying to distance yourself from me, don't think I haven't noticed. You don't meet me in the common room to walk to breakfast, and half the time you won't even sit with me,"

"I didn't realize you were so needy," Scorpius said, rolling his eyes and making sure his face looked more bored than anything else.

"I didn't realize you were stupid enough to push away the only friend you have. I'm the only one in the castle who even tried with you, and I'm starting to wonder if that was a mistake," Arabella retorted. She turned on her heel, gathered the Slytherins, and stormed out before Scorpius could think of something to say to her. He didn't even understand why she seemed so mad, because all he'd really wanted to do was get her to leave him alone for the day. He didn't want her to leave him alone forever, as he was now terrified would happen.

The thought of being alone at Hogwarts made his stomach twist and knot itself. He was going to lose Arabella because he didn't deserve her, not really. Scorpius knew where he was headed. He knew that he probably wouldn't make it through the year with how bad he was starting to feel. He'd just hurt her if he left while they were still friends. Maybe it was better this way?

Despite that thought though, he felt that all his control had slipped away. Arabella had been the constant in his life for so long. Seeing his friend had made getting up bearable, even if he didn't force his presence onto her. And now that she'd gotten mad at him, she might not come back.

Scorpius ran out of the book store and into an alley nearby. His ears began to ring as he pulled out his blade and made quick, messy cuts to his stomach. The stinging pain the wounds brought made his thoughts of Arabella disappear, but only for a moment. Because when the stinging subsided, he was hit with the realization that he really was alone. Professor Longbottom probably thought he was a hassle, Arabella wouldn't want anything to do with him, and it wasn't like he had anyone else at Hogwarts. He barely even had anyone at him, even though he knew his parents loved him. These thoughts only led to more cuts, and soon enough his abdomen was stained red. No one would care, Scorpius knew that. They would never care about him.

He didn't bother to clean them up. There was always a chance he could get a severe infection, and then he wouldn't technically be dying by his own hand. That would be easier for his parents to hear, surely. As long as they didn't know that Scorpius felt the intense desire to die, they'd be fine. They'd feel like they'd done a good job as parents, which they had, and they'd move on with themselves. Because Scorpius didn't matter to anyone. He didn't even matter in his own mind.

The walk back to Hogwarts was slow. It was started to get colder outside, and Scorpius thought that a cold would go nicely with an infection. He would be suffering like everyone thought he deserved to.

He felt like crying. Arabella had left him, and he was completely alone in the world. He'd felt alone before, yes, but Arabella had always been there to remind him that he had one person. She hadn't known she'd been doing that, of course. If she did, she wouldn't have left because she was kind and she didn't like seeing people get hurt. But there was no way she could stop Scorpius from getting hurt. He did most of the injuries to himself, and no one would ever find out about that.

"Malfoy!" He cringed at the anger that accompanied his name. "Where the hell were you? Isabella and I were waiting for you for so long; what happened?"

"I don't answer to you!" Scorpius said angrily, trying to get the other boy to just leave him alone. He didn't have Arabella, the one person at Hogwarts who had always been there, so there was no way he was going to spend time with someone who hated him. "I had more important plans than going to talk to some ridiculous girl that whined because she was alone. And I had more important plans than to be stuck here arguing with you!"

"Well, let's not argue then. Are you alright?" Albus asked, trying to sound nice. Scorpius just glared at him, the fresh cuts on his stomach stinging as wind pushed his shirt into them. He wanted to go home, more than anything, because if he was home then he wouldn't have to deal with people trying to talk to him all day.

"I'm fine," Scorpius said angrily. "I'm fine, just leave me alone. I don't care about anything you have to say or anything about Isabella; I don't care and you need to get that through your thick head before I-"

"So what happened?" Albus interrupted. Scorpius stared at him, confused, so Albus said, "You're unusually upset right now, and your eyes are watery. Have you been crying? Is that it? I hope you're alright, whatever it is. You can run away from me if you want, but I just hope you'll be okay,"

Scorpius just stared at him, unsure of what to say. He knew he couldn't rely on the Hufflepuff to care about him. He couldn't rely on anyone, apparently. But Scorpius was afraid of what he would do if he just stayed alone all day. "Arabella and I fought," he said quietly, surprised at himself. "It was stupid but she's apparently questioning our friendship, so you know, that's a good thing. Really, it's what I needed. And I needed you to come up and yell at me for not showing up too, Potter,"

"Did you do something to make her angry?" Albus asked, and Scorpius frowned at the other boy. His fight with Arabella wasn't something he really wanted to talk about with anyone else. It was his own fault for irritating her in the first place. It was his fault for getting so attached to her too, and now he didn't have her.

"Yes," Scorpius muttered. He didn't know why he was confiding in the Hufflepuff; they didn't like each other and they weren't friends. "Then again, it's about time she saw what everyone else saw in first year. It's probably for the best. And don't look at me like that, Potter, I don't need your pity,"

"There's nothing wrong with you, you know,"

Scorpius had half a mind to tell him how wrong he was. There was so much wrong with him, and a fight didn't even touch below the surface. For example, there was more blood on his stomach, and he had no doubt that there would be more elsewhere as the day dragged on. "Go find your family, Potter. I'm not standing here any longer, and there's no way you're coming with me,"

To his surprise, the other boy just nodded. "I hope everything works out for you, Malfoy. And I hope you apologize to Isabella for missing today, and that you work things out with Arabella. Oh, and your partner needed me to take patrol again tomorrow night," Albus Potter left with a smirk at Scorpius' expression, and Scorpius went back to the castle with a feeling of dread in his stomach. He wanted nothing to do with Albus Potter.

* * *

Over the course of a week, Albus watched Scorpius Malfoy. He and Arabella Zabini weren't speaking, and Scorpius looked miserable. Albus could see dark circles under his eyes and he looked tired, though that might explain the circles. He was starting to look thinner than usual too, and Albus hadn't seen him at many meals since the Hogsmeade trip. He wondered why the other boy's fight with Arabella had been so bad. The two were good friends and Albus assumed they'd make up within a day, but that hadn't happened.

Arabella Zabini looked miserable too, if he was being honest. She would look at her friend with a great deal of sadness on the rare occasion he showed up to a meal. Albus suspected the only reason they hadn't made up was a combination of being prideful and stubborn. But Arabella, at least, had other people to spend her time with. Scorpius Malfoy was now constantly alone. He wouldn't even speak to Professor Longbottom, and Albus knew the man was worried.

Because of that, and the nervous feeling in the back of his own mind, Albus had decided to do the only thing he could think of. He walked up to Scorpius Malfoy before Potions and talked until the other boy shoved him away. Albus shoved him back and punched his shoulder, and soon enough the two were rolling around on the stone floor, throwing punches, until a spell forced them apart. Albus hadn't expected Scorpius to get so into punching him, but he had started everything.

The blond had a bruise on his cheek. Albus was sporting a busted lip and bruises as well. He suspected they each had more injuries, but they were covered up by clothes. The two were sent straight to the headmaster's office, where they sat while waiting for the man to come back.

It was Scorpius who spoke first. "I don't know what drove you insane this morning, Potter, but it wasn't me so don't come my way to pick a fight. What the hell was that about, and why did it have to be me?"

Albus shrugged and smiled at the other teen. "I wanted to talk to you,"

" _Talk_ to me? And you didn't think just coming up and asking for a word would do the trick?"

"Of course it wouldn't. You'd have told me to leave you alone and I needed to talk to you," Albus said, his smile slipping. It hadn't been fun, fighting the Slytherin. But if they could get a detention together, they could talk without Scorpius running away.

The other boy opened his mouth to respond, but stopped when the headmaster entered the room. They were told off for a good twenty minutes, informed that their parents had been written, and given a detention that night cleaning the trophy room. Albus was relieved. If they were cleaning the trophy room, they wouldn't be using magic and no one would watch too closely. They'd have a long time for Albus to see if Scorpius was alright. His plan had worked, and he was fairly proud of himself. He'd end up with a howler, but he could deal with it.

Rose smacked his arm when he joined her again at lunch. "What on _earth_ were you thinking? I understand that it's hard to stop yourself from punching that idiot, but you're a prefect, Albus. You can't go around getting in fights,"

Albus tried to respond, but Lily spoke first. "It was just a fight? That's funny, when I heard about it, it was a lover's quarrel that ended with you two rolling around and kissing. Hugo, how dare you lead me astray!"

Rose laughed loudly and Albus just went red. She gave her brother a thumb's up and he winked back at her. "Why would you-Hugo, how many people did you tell?" Albus asked, his voice strained.

"Everyone that asked me, really. Most of Hufflepuff thought the same. You've really got to stop falling asleep in the common room, Albus. You were saying his name again last night,"

Albus turned a worse shade of red, muttered, "You belong in Slytherin," before he grabbed his bag and stormed out of the great hall. A group of girls giggled when he passed them. He wanted to ignore them, until he heard a Gryffindor comment on the fact that he'd let them all down by falling for Scorpius Malfoy. He turned around, shouted, "I'm not in love with Scorpius!" and then took off for the Herbology greenhouses.

Professor Longbottom was watering a plant when Albus burst in and said, "Everyone thinks I'm gay,"

He hated Hugo for spreading the rumor. He hated everyone who believed it. Albus didn't know what he was; he'd never thought about it because being in a relationship had never been his biggest priority. But he certainly didn't need Hogwarts to decide for him. "Surprisingly, that's the second time I've heard that phrase today. Does it really matter what everyone thinks?"

"Yes-No-I don't know! I haven't even thought about it and now the entire school has decided for me. That's…I'm…"

Professor Longbottom just smiled sadly at Albus, which infuriated him. He didn't want anyone's pity. He wanted everyone who believed the rumor to get detention for the rest of the year. "You've got some time now, Albus. All you have to do is think about what you want in life, and what you want from who you love. Maybe Hogwarts has it's opinion, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's right. It doesn't have to be wrong either,"

"I just want to be normal," Albus mumbled. "I'm...I'm Harry Potter's son. Nothing about my life is normal and I just want one thing to go the way it's supposed to. And...And if I am, what's the Daily Prophet going to say? They'll find out in a day. And...And what will my parents say? What if they hate me, Professor? What if I'm a disappointment,"

His professor just sighed and gestured to a plant that needed watering. "Do you mind?" he asked, and Albus quickly went over and pulled out his wand to produce water. "I know you're scared. But it seems to me that you're more scared of what other people will think _if_ Hogwarts is right rather than actually being gay. Other people, Albus, their opinion doesn't matter. Your happiness does. If you being happy involves dating women, that's fine. If it involves you dating a man, or nobody, that's fine too. But only you can decide what you want. You're a great kid, Albus. Your sexuality won't affect the opinion of anyone that loves you,"

Albus wasn't quite sure what he was supposed to say. He needed to go somewhere he could think, but he also needed someone to just tell him what to do. "Can I go see my dad?" he asked eventually. "I just want to talk to him,"

"I'm not supposed to send students out of Hogwarts," Professor Longbottom said slowly. Albus knew that meant yes, so he quickly promised not to tell anyone. His father always helped him figure everything out, and Albus just hoped he wasn't busy.

Soon enough, he found himself sitting in his dad's office, waiting for him to finish in a meeting. He tapped his fingers against his leg nervously, terrified of what his father would say. If Albus turned out not to be straight, he could be kicked out and never allowed to return home.

The door to the office opened, and Albus looked up to see his father frowning at him. "Albus Severus Potter, why did I get a note from your school today? Why on earth would you get into a fight? That's not you, Albus. You're my easy kid; you don't get in fights,"

"It was for a good reason, Dad, but I...I need to talk to you,"

He didn't seem at all willing to listen. "You are so lucky I got the letter instead of your mother. If she found out about this, Albus, she would be furious. What could have made you do something so stupid?"

"I...Dad, I…" He felt like he was going to cry. His father was already upset with him. If he took the next bit of information in a bad way, Albus was sure he'd be disowned.

"You didn't come about the fight?" Albus just shook his head and stared at his shoes. "Albus, what's wrong?"

"Hugo…Hugo told everyone who asked that the fight ended with Scorpius Malfoy and I kissing. He called it a lover's quarrel," Albus mumbled.

"That wasn't really...Why would he say that? Should I talk to your aunt and uncle?"

Albus shook his head slightly. "Dad, they all...Hogwarts thinks I'm gay,"

"Okay. It's just a rumor, Albus. I would-"

"What if it wasn't?" He was terrified. His dad was going to hate him.

"You're-"

"I...I don't know. I don't think about this kind of thing and now everyone's forcing me too and I...I just don't know. Please don't be mad; I didn't mean for this to happen. Dad, I'm...I'm sorry,"

"Sorry? Albus, if it's who you are then it's who you are. I'm going to love you no matter what, and so everyone else. Is there anything I can do to help?"

Albus shrugged slightly. "I don't know. I'm not sure what I am, Dad, I just...I don't want to let you down,"

"Nothing you do has ever let me down," his dad said gently. "Sure, I don't like it when you get in fights in school. But you're kind and smart and talented, and I'm always going to be proud of you. Now, can you close your eyes for me? I want to try something," Albus did so, though he felt silly just sitting there with his eyes closed. "Think about you future for me, okay Albus? Do you see yourself ending up with a wife in a little house?" Albus shook his head; he'd never really seen that in his future. "What do you see then?"

Albus shrugged. In all honesty he saw himself in a flat in London. There was a highchair in the corner and pictures on the walls of Albus with a child that looked completely unfamiliar. There was another figure in the pictures as well, though he couldn't tell who it was. "I want a family," he said slowly, figuring that was what the child meant. "I just don't know who with,"

"And that's perfectly fine, Albus. You don't have to figure everything out right now; you have plenty of life left ahead of you. But try to start thinking about what you want for yourself, okay? Maybe this will help you reach a decision,"

He nodded and sighed, keeping his eyes closed. He wanted to figure things out, but he had never given it enough thought before. Albus continued to sit there for a few minutes, thinking about what he wanted. His father didn't mind, Albus knew that now, and he felt relieved. Even if other people turned against him, he'd always have his dad.

Eventually he made out one characteristic of the figure he saw in his mind, but he didn't think it meant much. His mind had been drifting to his fight with Scorpius Malfoy anyway, so the fact that the other boy's eyes had appeared in his future was pretty predictable.

Albus left soon after the conversation ended. His dad just hugged him tightly, and Albus knew his father was worried now. He felt guilty about being the cause of the worry, but there wasn't much he could do to help his dad. He returned to Hogwarts, finished what little was left of his afternoon classes, and then went to his dormitory to think again. His father was right; he needed to think more about his future and what he wanted, and that would help him in the end. Once again Scorpius Malfoy drifted into his thoughts, but Albus shoved that aside. He had detention with the Slytherin that night; of course he'd be thinking about him.


	8. Chapter 8

Scorpius scrubbed at a particularly stubborn spot on a quidditch plaque. He'd started polishing the various trophies and awards in the room while Albus had started cleaning everything else. The two hadn't spoken since agreeing on what they'd do, and the silence was tense and uncomfortable. Scorpius just wanted to get done and go for a run; he'd started running before breakfast and after dinner, and he loved it.

He was pretty sure he knew the reason for the other boy's silence. But the rumor was Albus' fault anyway, so Scorpius couldn't see why Albus would be so upset by it. No one could really believe it anyway; Scorpius had dated girls in the past. And while he'd never really thought about gender as a big deal, he'd kept that idea to himself to make sure the school wouldn't have more ammunition to throw at him.

Scorpius glanced across the room nervously. He didn't know why Albus being upset was affecting him so much, but he couldn't focus on cleaning. When he did turn, he saw Albus frozen across the room. He was staring at some plaques, a sad look on his already tired face. Scorpius found himself standing and walking over curiously.

For a moment they just stared at the wall in silence. Then, Albus said, "My parents always told us to avoid this room if we could,"

"Why?"

Albus pointed to two names. "They would have been like my aunt and uncle," he said. Scorpius looked at the names of Teddy Lupin's parents. "He would have been like an uncle too, Sirius Black. And my actual uncle, Fred, and my grandparents… I never got to meet them. My grandmother still cries on uncle Fred's birthday. So does uncle George; they were twins. I have all of their pictures on the war edition of chocolate frog cards,"

Scorpius nodded slightly, observing the names of those who fell during the wars. He hadn't lost anyone important, though he knew his father had. He'd never thought the deaths would affect Albus.

"I know it's silly, being upset about them being gone because I never actually knew them, but…"

"They're still your family," Scorpius supplied. "And you should have gotten to meet them,"

Albus nodded. "We visit their graves every year," He sighed heavily and looked away from the names. "I'm sorry for fighting with you this morning. It was stupid, and I-"

"When I was a fourth year, a Ravenclaw spread a rumor that I had a Dark Mark on my arm, like my dad. People spent weeks hissing at me and calling me evil. It wasn't until I rolled up my sleeves in Potions that they stopped,"

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because you missed three classes today. And I know you're nervous, but it's just a rumor. They go away eventually,"

Albus didn't say anything. Scorpius couldn't help but feel irritated by that; he was trying to help, but Albus didn't seem to care. It was rather hypocritical of him to be irritated, but Scorpius didn't care. "I'll just go back to polishing then," he muttered, turning his back on the other boy. The uncomfortable silence returned to the room, making Scorpius frown. He'd expected Albus Potter to be as unbearably cheerful and annoying as he normally was, but that definitely wasn't the case. Scorpius wondered if his part in the rumor had anything to do with it. Maybe even the idea of liking him drove Albus crazy? Scorpius couldn't know for sure, but he was surprised to find that the thought hurt a little bit.

An hour passed in silence. Scorpius was ready to pull out his hair because of the feeling in the room. The entire reason they were in this situation was because Albus had wanted to talk, and now the Hufflepuff seemed incapable of even asking for a new rag. Scorpius was sure he'd go insane by the end of the night.

"You got us into this mess because you wanted to talk. So the least you could do is open that irritating mouth of yours and make the time go faster," he finally snapped, glancing over his shoulder. Albus stiffened and then looked at Scorpius in surprise.

"I didn't think you'd want to," he shrugged, turning back to the window he was cleaning.

Scorpius just stared at him in disbelief. "I'm about five seconds from bashing my head in with this trophy, and unless you'd like to clean up after that, I'd suggest you say whatever was so important this morning,"

The other boy shrugged, and Scorpius threw a plaque at him. "Hey! What are you doing?"

"What was so important that you needed to get us stuck in detention together for hours?" There was more silence, so Scorpius picked up another plaque and took aim. "I swear, Potter, if you don't speak I'm just going to throw things until you do,"

He was just about to throw it when a quiet voice said, "You haven't been coming to meals. There are dark circles under your eyes and you look unusually thin. You're pale, and your hands are shaking while you're cleaning, and you look sick. Something's wrong with you, Malfoy. It's gotten worse since you started fighting with Arabella. I just want to help,"

Scorpius stared across the room as Albus slowly started to turn pink. He didn't know how the other boy had noticed all of that, whereas his supposed best friend still thought he was perfectly fine. "Your point?" he asked, his surprise leaking into his voice. "I'm not sick or anything. I just don't get hungry often and I don't sleep well because I get distracted by things. I'm fine,"

"How many times a day do you have to tell yourself that?" Albus asked quietly. Scorpius froze. "You see, my uncle George looked a lot like you for a while. He had a wife and kids, yes, and everyone thought it would be the happiest time of his life. But he wasn't over what had happened to uncle Fred. And because no one asked, it tore him apart until someone got involved and talked to him. I...I know something happened to your mother, and I know your family gets threatened. If...If you're scared or something, you shouldn't bottle that up,"

His words were clumsy and poorly delivered, in Scorpius' opinion, but he didn't care about that. Instead, his body felt oddly warm at the thought of Albus Potter caring enough to confront him about something being wrong. And while Scorpius knew Albus cared more for people in general than he did for Scorpius, it felt amazing. "I made a mistake, when we were first years," Albus continued quietly, sounding a bit nervous. "I should never have just abandoned you because of what other people said. I knew the person you were, and I let that get overshadowed by what I thought I knew about your family and your house. My dad says that's how wars get started, when we stop thinking of people as people and instead as a stereotype. I don't know about you, but I have no desire to go through a war. Can we just call a truce and stop hating each other?"

Scorpius fought to keep his emotions in check. Albus Potter didn't hate him; he wanted to not be enemies. "I can live with that," Scorpius answered nonchalantly, shrugging slightly.

Albus nodded slightly, and Scorpius tried to understand what he was thinking. "I have another request," Scorpius nodded for him to continue, so Albus said, "I know you miss Arabella. And until you two make up-I'm assuming it will be a while considering how stubborn you Slytherins are-can we just call ourselves friends? That way if you're scared you won't feel so alone? I don't like people being like my uncle was. And he's happy now; when people got him to talk about things he got better. I could help you with that,"

In the back of his mind, Scorpius knew it was a bad idea. He would get attached to the Hufflepuff and his kindness, and then he'd get left behind. He'd have the same hopeless feeling he'd had in first year, all because of the same person. But his first thought was getting closer to someone who might care, even slightly. He craved the idea of someone outside his family wanting him around. So slowly, he began to nod. "I don't have anything to talk about," he lied easily, "But if you want to be friends until Arabella gets back, then I guess I really have no choice in the matter. You're a Potter; you'll get your way eventually,"

Albus sent him a brilliant smile that Scorpius had never thought would be directed at him. And then, as if a conversation had never happened at all, the two boys turned back to what they'd been cleaning last. The only difference was the lack of tension in the room.

When they finally finished, Scorpius went for his run. He didn't want to break the habit; just because he'd made a truce with Albus Potter didn't mean he could become unhealthy. He needed to keep running. And when he finally got back to his dormitory and fell into bed, he found himself instinctively reaching for his blade. Before he could comprehend what he was doing, Scorpius made three clean cuts to his lower stomach. He wondered, briefly, why he was doing this when he felt happy. But the urge to scar his skin took over any curiosity that he had, and he began to cut again.

* * *

Albus was alone in the library, nervously tapping his quill on the table. He hadn't talked to Rose, Hugo, or Lily in two days despite their many attempts to get him to open up. Hugo had received a Howler from his mother for the rumor, and Albus' own parents had written him letters to check and make sure he was doing okay. He'd sent back a simple note to his mother, saying that he was fine even though he felt paranoid and like people were watching his every action.

His dad, though, got a letter talking about Albus' various attempts to think about his future. Each time he got far enough to see himself with a child in a London flat, but the figure with him still remained shadowy. Albus had been able to tell, however, that the figure was much taller than he was. It had broader shoulders, but at the same time it was much thinner. Albus didn't know what that meant, but if his father was right, he'd figure it out eventually.

Albus scribbled a few sentences on the essay he was working on. He hated writing essays, especially without having Rose there to look over what he'd written. Usually she would tell Albus what he'd done wrong, which meant she tended to scratch out half of his essay. He had no idea what he was doing; Transfiguration wasn't his strongest class. So, he dropped his head to the table and closed his eyes, trying not to freak out. If he kept ignoring his family, his schoolwork was going to suffer.

"I'm going to fail everything," he muttered to himself, repeatedly banging his head into the table. "I'm going to fail out of Hogwarts and have to leave the castle,"

Albus sighed heavily and rolled up the parchment he'd been working on. He couldn't finish the essay anyway; he had dinner in half an hour, and patrol after that. He was excited to see Isabella, because she'd said that the people who usually teased her were starting to leave her alone. What little they'd been doing for her was working, and Albus was thrilled. Still, he'd rather just go hide in his dormitory. His family wasn't exactly thrilled that he wasn't speaking to them. He'd even gotten a letter from James telling him to stop upsetting Lily and their cousins. Albus hadn't exactly been kind in the response he'd sent off.

He wanted to go talk to his dad again, but he knew he'd almost gotten Professor Longbottom in trouble when he'd left last time. He couldn't ask to go again, even though he really just wanted to spend time with a person that wouldn't force him into anything.

To his surprise, he ended up drifting off in the library. Albus usually didn't fall asleep anywhere but his bed or the common room, at least at school. Public places were never his favorite, because people tended to watch him and his family. Someone could take a picture of him blowing his nose and all the sudden he'd have some rare disease and would be dead within a weak. His family always laughed about it. Albus just hated the fact that he was thrown into newspapers because of his surname.

He dreamed of the figure from his imagined future. It didn't speak or reveal anything new, but it was being hurt. Albus was trying to help as best he could, but he was just left holding the broken figure and crying over it.

He woke up with chills running down his spine. He didn't like the thought of losing anyone, even though he had no idea who the figure was. Albus' parents had always told him he was soft-hearted, and he could understand why. Even the deaths of his father's parents had upset him when he'd found out why he'd never gotten to meet them. James had always teased him for it, and when she was old enough to join in, Lily had too.

He'd missed dinner, which didn't really surprise him. And, he was a few minutes away from being late to meet Isabella. With a wave of his wand he sent his things to his dormitory and then sprinted down to the great hall. He had a chocolate frog in his pocket, and he could easily eat that and sneak into the kitchens later.

Albus enjoyed his patrol. He loved getting to talk to Isabella, something Albus had never expected himself to think. When they'd started he'd thought that he would hate having to talk to such a bubbly person and it was obvious that Isabella was that kind of person. And, she didn't force him to think about who he loved. Albus decided that was definitely a positive.

After sneaking into the kitchens for a sandwich, Albus walked the short path toward the common room. But when he got there, he couldn't bring himself to go inside. Everyone in his house had decided an aspect of his being for him, and Albus hated that. He wasn't nearly as mad at the rest of the Hufflepuffs as he was at Albus, but he wasn't exactly happy with them either. So after a moment's hesitation, he made his way to the Astronomy Tower. He did like looking at the stars, and he could almost have a picnic.

He loved his dinner. It was peaceful and quiet, and there was a gentle breeze. He could always see the stars during winter dinners in the great hall, but it was nothing like what he had atop the Astronomy Tower.

But halfway through, he noticed a figure running along the edge of the Forbidden Forest. Albus squinted, but he couldn't tell who it was. Not knowing the identity of a figure felt pretty familiar, but this time he was bound and determined to know who it was. He found himself running again, trying to get through the corridors as quickly as possible. He didn't need to get caught and end up with another detention.

The grounds at night reminded him of being outside at his grandparents in the summer. Everyone spent time there, and he was pretty much guaranteed to find at least one of his aunts or uncles there. His grandparents were great too; Albus could sit and talk with them for hours and he'd never get bored. Albus tended to spend the majority of his time with them or Rose so he always had a good summer.

Albus tried to remember the general direction the person had been running in, but he wasn't really sure. He just started walking then; if they were running around Hogwarts, he would run into them eventually. And besides, he didn't actually mind walking. Yes it was chilly, but he had on a sweater so he would be fine. The walk did take longer than he expected, but he just hummed to himself and shoved his hands into his pockets to keep them warm.

He heard retching. Albus started to walk a bit faster, worried that he needed to get someone to the hospital instead of just inside the castle. Then, he saw the silvery blonde hair. "Malfoy?"

The other boy stiffened and wiped his mouth before he straightened. Albus noticed that there were goosebumps on his arms even though it really wasn't that cold, and he looked like he was shivering slightly. "What do you want?" he asked defensively.

"Are you still sick? I thought for sure you'd be better by now," Albus said slowly, knowing that his expression was a mixture of confusion and concern.

"I'm fine. I think I just pushed too hard," Scorpius said. He looked like he was going to throw up again. But when Albus glanced at the ground, he didn't see any evidence of Scorpius getting sick at all.

"Why are you out here in the first place? I mean, I suppose it's fine to stay fit, but you're fine, Malfoy. You don't need to be out here. And if you've done too much and you're throwing up? That's not really good,"

"I'm well aware of that fact, Potter," Scorpius muttered. "Just go back inside. I'm fine and I'd like to finish my run," He turned on his heel and started running again. Albus made a snap decision to start running as well, and soon enough he was falling into step beside the Slytherin. "What are you doing?" Scorpius asked, panting as they went.

"You're sick. I'm not leaving you alone," he said stubbornly. Albus was reminded though, of why he hadn't followed in his family's footsteps and played quidditch. He hated exercising and doing labor-intensive activities. "We agreed to be friendly, didn't we? This is something that a friend would do,"

He watched the surprise on Scorpius' face, but the other boy didn't say anything. Instead, they just ran be each other in silence. Albus wasn't pleased when they finally finished, but he was proud of himself for sticking by the other boy. Scorpius just seemed uncomfortable with him there. They walked in the general direction of their common rooms, and when they had to part, Scorpius stopped the Albus with a confused look on his face. "Why did you do that? You look awful,"

"Thanks," Albus said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "I already told you. We agreed to be friends until you and Arabella Zabini get over yourselves. I don't know about you, but I stick by my friends when they're sick. Really, I think that I should drag you to the hospital wing, but I know you'll put up a fight. I'd rather not ruin this,"

He still didn't look like he understood the reason. But then his cheeks flushed pink, and Albus couldn't understand why. Scorpius nodded slightly then, and once again turned and walked away. This time, Albus didn't follow him. He went to his own bed and laid down after showering, closing his eyes to try and think about his future again. To his dismay, the figure had his favorite grey eyes, and slightly pink cheeks. "It has to be a coincidence," he muttered to himself, turning onto his side and quickly falling asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Scorpius shivered, and rubbed his arms to try and warm himself. He couldn't understand why he was freezing, because it wasn't very cold in the castle. It was only the end of October, and there was another month before people would start wearing sweaters over their robes. He decided to blame his hair, because it and the fact that he was pale probably meant that he'd get colder faster than other people would.

If anything, he hated his blood in that moment. His family just had to be pale and blonde and thin; why couldn't he have the ability to keep himself warm? It was ridiculous. The entire situation was ridiculous. He was shivering in the middle of transfiguration, and even his notes were starting to look bad. He could always run to his dormitory before his next class, but then he'd probably be late and he'd have to explain that he was unnecessarily cold. They'd mock him for it.

And quite frankly, he'd had enough of people mocking him. For some reason, the mocking seemed to have picked up from people in other houses. The Slytherins still tolerated him as best they could, but a Hufflepuff had tripped him while he went up the stairs a few days ago, and a Gryffindor had called him a rather nasty name as he'd walked to class that morning. Maybe it was because he wasn't speaking to Arabella and she'd protected him, or maybe it was because they could see how weak he was and they wanted him to just finish what he'd started. Either way, Scorpius just wanted to be done with it all. He didn't want to fall and end up with big, ugly bruises on his knees, and he didn't want to hear about how awful of a person he was. He already knew all of that, and he really didn't need others to reinforce the idea in his head.

Scorpius sighed quietly, already deciding that he needed to stay in a normal routine and not run off to his dormitory. He'd end up sitting down and not getting back up, for the fear of someone picking fun at him.

Something tapped his shoulder and distracted him from how cold he was. Scorpius stiffened and looked around, confused, and the Ravenclaw behind him passed a note. He looked almost irritated, though Scorpius hadn't actually done anything to him. Maybe the other boy was upset because Scorpius was taller and blocked his view? He couldn't be sure, though if that was the reason it felt rather petty.

 _Meet me in the next corridor after class. I have something for you. -Albus S. Potter_

He couldn't help but to turn around and look for the other boy. Albus was a few rows behind him, looking extremely uncomfortable as he sat next to Rose Weasley. Scorpius knew they'd had a falling out, and he wondered why they hadn't made up yet. It reminded him of his situation with Arabella though, so he figured pride had something to do with it.

But Albus had something for him. Even if it was small and insignificant, Scorpius felt a spark of hope warm his chest. Albus Potter cared enough about him to get something for him. He wasn't alone.

The happy thought remained in his mind for only a minute though. Because the more he thought about Albus caring, and getting closer to the other boy, the more he realized how much trouble he'd be in. Scorpius had started to slice his skin without the desire to gain control; it was like a reflex now. Get up, make three cuts, shower with the sting, go back to the dormitory at lunch to cut again, then again when classes are over for the day, and finally, make five more before passing out in bed. He knew his situation was getting worse. And pulling someone in to join him now, that would be cruel.

His stomach started to churn at the thought. Albus would be disgusted if he ever found out what Scorpius was doing. Not because they were close friends or anything, simply because it was an awful act. As panic started to fill his mind, Scorpius thrust his hand into the air. He had to get out of the classroom; he was pretty sure the walls were closing in on him, and his chest felt tight. No one would ever look at him once Albus told them what he was doing. "Professor, I think I need to go to the hospital wing," Scorpius said, sounding fairly confident. He was sure he was the only person who could hear the slight shake to his voice. "I'm not feeling well," he added, hoping to further convince the man he was stuck with.

The professor just rolled his eyes and waved toward the door. For once in his life, Scorpius was glad that no one cared enough about him to actually see if he was okay. He gathered his things and hurried out of the door, not fast enough to ignore the snickers of the students who were glad he was sick. Scorpius couldn't bring himself to really care about them though, because he was too focused on making sure he got to the bathroom without anyone noticing he wasn't, in fact, sick.

The bathroom was empty when he got to it, and Scorpius breathed a sigh of relief. He hurried into one of the stalls and locked the door, sealing it with magic before he reached into the pocket of his trousers and felt for his blade. This time, control was his motivation. He needed to control those around him, but Albus Potter was determined to push in. If he could have this one thing, these four cuts, then he was sure he would feel better about everything.

But when the four cuts were completed, he just felt a growing sense of despair in his stomach. He didn't know why, because every other time, cutting worked. Scorpius slammed his hand against the door, frustrated with his situation. His shoulder was bleeding, he felt completely hopeless, and he just wanted to go to sleep for a good five years. Or at least until he didn't feel so awful, which could mean sleeping forever.

Scorpius slid down the door and placed his head in his hands. He hated this. He wanted to feel like he did when he was five, and the whole world didn't hate him. He hadn't hated himself when he was five, and now he couldn't even go a day without cutting into his flesh.

He froze when someone knocked and then pulled on the door. Scorpius wanted to shout for the person to leave, but he also didn't want to give himself away. "Malfoy? Is this you? I know you didn't go to the hospital wing; I convinced the professor into letting me go after you. I told him it was irresponsible to let a sick student go to the hospital on his own,"

Scorpius still couldn't move. Albus Potter had come after him, though he couldn't understand why. They barely even qualified as acquaintances, and now Albus was following him. "Did you get sick and have to stop? You really didn't look good when you left class,"

Scorpius nodded slightly; it was the best excuse he had, because he couldn't tell the other boy the truth. "Yes," he muttered. After a moment he added, "You can go now. I'm fine,"

"Can you come out? Or can I come in? I want to help you,"

"I don't need your help," Scorpius said firmly, hoping his tone would make Albus leave him alone. He just needed to be alone and figure things out for himself. Part of him just wanted to make a deep gash on his forearm and be done with everything, but he was worried about how his parents would react. He heard Albus mutter something, though he couldn't tell exactly what he'd said. Then the door he was sitting against pushed in. Scorpius didn't have enough strength to keep it closed, though he was able to clear his blood before Albus Potter completely forced his way in. "I said-"

"I didn't believe you," Albus said gently. "I see I was right not to,"

"What are you-" Scorpius started, though he stopped and just stared at Albus in shock.

He was putting his own sweater over Scorpius' shoulders. "You're shaking," Albus stated. He picked up Scorpius' wrist and frowned. Scorpius felt like his skin was burning where Albus touched it. "When was the last time you ate something? I know you weren't in the great hall for meals the past couple of days,"

"Watching me, are you Potter?"

"Yes,"

Scorpius wanted to rip his arm out of Albus' grip. "That's none of your business,"

"You're cold because you haven't been eating well. And I see you out running twice a day. That can't be healthy,"

"I'm fine, Potter. I don't need-"

"My help, yeah, I've gathered that. But you're my friend, Malfoy, and I'd rather you didn't die of starvation," Scorpius decided to just glare at the other boy. "Just wear extra layers and try to eat normally, okay? If you don't get better, I'll have to tell someone you need serious help," Albus stood to leave, and Scorpius tried to pull the other boy's sweater off and return it. "You can keep it for the day. I was getting too hot anyway,"

And then he was gone. Scorpius stayed in the stall for another ten minutes, just staring at the Hufflepuff sweater in his hands. He'd be damned if he was actually going to put it on. He'd get needy and close to Albus, and that couldn't happen.

Eventually he returned to his common room, which was full of second years. He scowled at them before walking up to his dormitory, still clutching the yellow sweater. Scorpius didn't know what to do with it. He wanted to throw it out, but that would anger Albus and Scorpius didn't really feel like arguing with him.

Albus had called him a friend. Albus didn't want him to die. Albus cared.

He put the sweater on and curled up on his bed. He'd be damned if he was ever going to take it off.

* * *

Albus needed Rose. He'd ignored her, Hugo, and Lily for weeks, but he couldn't do it anymore. He needed his family to help him. And they would, because Albus knew they wanted him back too.

He needed to get Scorpius Malfoy help. He needed his newest friend to be okay. Albus didn't know why he cared so much, but he did. Every time he closed his eyes he saw the Slytherin on the bathroom floor, his eyes lost and quickly turning empty. Something was really wrong, and Albus was going to figure it out. He had to.

Scorpius Malfoy hardly even showed his face anymore. He came to class and showed up for his patrols, but Albus didn't see him anywhere else. He'd cornered Scorpius four times to try and get him to talk, but he always managed to slip away after a few minutes. Isabella said that he was always in his dormitory, and that Arabella Zabini was growing increasingly worried and irritable.

On the rare occurrences Albus saw him though, he noticed the tiniest bit of yellow under the Slytherin's sweater. And for some reason, that made him want to smile.

Currently, though, Albus was searching the library for his family. He'd been searching for Scorpius all day, but he hadn't seen him since Professor Longbottom had walked him toward the headmaster's office before breakfast. Albus had gone to the entrance to wait for Scorpius and hopefully talk to him, but the other boy hadn't emerged in an hour. Albus had left to grab a bite to eat, and had been looking ever since. His family may not like Scorpius, but Albus was sure they would help him.

He found them at a small table, playing cards and frowning at an empty chair. _His_ empty chair. Albus took a deep breath before stepping over to them and saying, "Hey, guys,"

Hugo looked worried. Lily looked guilty. Rose just gestured to his abandoned chair and said, "You're welcome to sit down,"

He did, and smiled at his family. "I'm-"

"We're sorry, Al," Lily interrupted. "We never wanted to upset you. We want you to feel comfortable enough with us that you can talk to us, about everything. Spreading a rumor that you were in love with Scorpius Malfoy was wrong,"

Albus raised an eyebrow, but nodded slightly. "Thank you, Lily. I'm glad you all get that now. And… I'm sorry for staying away for so long. I was angry, and I took that out on you guys when I should have gotten over it. I don't appreciate what happened, but I am over it now. I talked to Dad, and he helped me,"

They all nodded, and Rose said, "We're glad, Albus,"

He took another deep breath. "I need your help,"

"Oh?" Lily asked, surprised.

Albus nodded. "I need help, for… You aren't going to like this, but I need your help with Scorpius Malfoy. Something's really wrong," He noticed that their faces all looked odd, but he didn't mention it. He just told them about what he'd seen that morning, and how he was sure the conversation was about Scorpius' health. If he'd noticed it, then surely Professor Longbottom had noticed it too and gotten concerned much sooner than Albus had.

At that point, though, Rose shook her head. "Didn't you read the Daily Prophet this morning?"

"No? I waited outside the office for a while, but he didn't come back. Breakfast was over so I went to the kitchens. I came back, but he was gone. I've spent the rest of the day looking for him, until I decided to come to you,"

Rose immediately went digging through her bag, and then pulled out a newspaper. He took it and scanned the articles until his eyes widened. "Her health had been declining ever since she was attacked. Apparently she went to bed last night and just never woke up,"

"That's not-"

"Mrs. Malfoy died this morning, Albus. That's why Malfoy didn't come back out," Lily said.

"We talked to Professor Longbottom about it when we found out. The funeral's Wednesday; I doubt Malfoy will be back before then," Rose said gently. "We know you've been talking to him more, for reasons we don't understand. We wanted to know what was going on,"

Albus slumped back in his chair. He'd always gotten that feeling that Scorpius adored his mother, and now she was dead. Was that why he'd been so down as of late? Or was this just going to make him ten times worse? Either way, the answer made him nervous.

The weekend flew by. Rose, Hugo, and Lily were with him constantly, though Albus couldn't help but to feel worried for Scorpius. He wrote a letter to him to let Scorpius know he was sorry for his loss, but he didn't get a reply. Albus wasn't surprised. He wouldn't want to talk to anyone if something happened to his parents.

Finally, Thursday came. Albus hoped that Scorpius would be returning that day, though he had his doubts. The entire school had been talking about the death of Mrs. Malfoy for almost a week, and Albus had heard some awful rumors. He didn't believe any of them, but the fact that they existed was frustrating.

He didn't see any sign of Scorpius until dinner, when Professor Longbottom escorted him into the great hall. He was pale, and the dark circles under his eyes made Albus sure he hadn't been sleeping. When he sat down at the Slytherin table, Arabella Zabini stood and immediately moved to sit next to him. They didn't speak, but Arabella glared coldly at anyone who looked in their direction.

Albus couldn't bring himself to look away. He'd been staring for a few minutes, taking in the blond's disheveled appearance, when grey eyes met his own. He saw pin, for a moment, before the eyes emptied and held nothing at all. A moment later, Scorpius stood and walked out of the great hall. It only took a second for Albus to decide to follow. Once again, he'd seen his yellow sweater under Scorpius' green one.

Albus felt like he had butterflies in his stomach, though he convinced himself it was because he was nervous about following Scorpius. He caught up to him at the entrance to the dungeons. The Slytherin turned around at his footsteps, and frowned. "I don't need your pity. I've gotten enough of that," he said, the dark circles seeming more prominent in the dim light. He looked a step away from becoming an inferi.

"I'm sorry," Albus said quietly. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Scorpius shook his head, though Albus noticed his hands shaking. He watched in shock as a few tears starting to slide down the other boy's cheeks. "You can't bring her back," he said quietly. "So no, there's nothing you can do to help,"

Albus nodded, unsure of what to do. He knew he needed to comfort Scorpius, but he just didn't know how. "Do they know what happened?"

Scorpius shook his head again. "She fell down the stairs Friday night, insisted she was fine, and never woke up. It was an accident,"

He wiped furiously at the tears on his face, and Albus could sense his desperate need to get out of a public area. He impulsively walked forward and took the blond's hand, and pulled him away before he could think to protest. The two boys found themselves at the top of the Astronomy Tower, and Albus noticed that Scorpius was gripping his hand tightly.

Albus hesitated a moment before he decided to pull Scorpius Malfoy into a tight hug. He heard a sharp intake of breath and wondered if he was about to be cursed when he felt arms go around him as well. "I'm sorry," Albus whispered, still hugging his friend. The butterflies had yet to leave his stomach, but Albus tried to ignore them. "I wish I could make this better for you, but I don't know how,"

He wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, Albus trying his best to comfort the boy clutching his shirt like it was the only thing he had. He knew Scorpius was crying silently and trying to compose himself, but Albus didn't expect him to be fine. He'd just lost his mother; of course he would need to cry.

"I'm sorry," Scorpius finally muttered, pulling away from Albus and stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"You don't have to be," Albus said. "I get it. I mean, I've been lucky enough not to lose anyone I know, but I know how much losing his parents affected my dad. And my uncle George lost his twin brother. Crying is a pretty common occurrence in my family, usually on birthdays and holidays," Scorpius nodded, though he still looked ashamed of himself. "No one's going to blame you for being upset," Albus informed him.

"Of course not. They'll all just tease me for it," Scorpius said, his voice a bit angry.

Albus shook his head. "No, because if they do they're going to have one very angry head girl, two irritating fifth years, and me to deal with," Scorpius looked confused, so Albus added, "You're not getting messed with, not right now. Arabella Zabini has your back, and so does Isabella. And Rose, Hugo, and Lily are all going to stop people because I told them they had to if they wanted to keep me around,"

"But...why? They hate me. And Arabella and I were fighting, and I hardly even look at Isabella,"

"Because Arabella adores you, Izzy's grateful for your help, and you're my friend now. I want to help you be okay again," Albus said. Scorpius looked surprised, but he eventually nodded. Albus wasn't sure if he actually believed him, but he hoped Scorpius would some day.

They ended up sitting side by side in silence, Scorpius trying to take comfort in the night sky and Albus doing whatever he could to help. It wasn't until he went to bed that night that he realized they'd been holding hands the whole time.


	10. Chapter 10

Scorpius had become incredibly attached to the sweater that Albus had given him. As October progressed into a much colder November, he'd found himself wearing it almost every day. Scorpius was fairly certain that he needed it just to stay warm. And yes, he was still cold. But the sweater brought the knowledge that Albus cared about him, and that made his chest feel warm.

It was silly. A sweater couldn't make him feel that much better. It didn't make sense, at least, because it was just an object. It had no value to it because it was _just a sweater_.

A sweater that was now dotted with blood stains. Scorpius had started cutting the previous night in a hurried fashion after thinking about his mother. He missed her. She was supposed to be writing him letters and reminding him to take care of himself. She was supposed to send small gifts that she knew would make him smile. But now all he got was the occasional letter from his father reminding him that he'd be alone for Christmas. His father, always the planner, had business to attend to in Paris over the holiday. Scorpius was fairly certain his father just didn't want to see him.

He could understand that. Scorpius was, apparently, just like his mother. And his father wouldn't want to see any reminder of her, especially at Christmas. Christmas had been her favorite holiday, and she'd always decorated their home far more than need be. But in truth, Scorpius didn't want to see his father either. It had been downright painful to see his father for the funeral and the few days he'd been forced to stay at home. His father was strong, Scorpius had always known that. When something upset him he wasn't the one to let it show. But his father hadn't said a word the entire time he'd been home. His father had slept on the sofa in the family room to avoid his own bedroom. He was hurting, and because of that, he was angry and cold.

Scorpius just wished his father would acknowledge the fact that he was hurting as well. His mother was gone, and the only people who seemed to care were Arabella and, surprisingly, Albus.

Every time he thought of Albus though, Scorpius' heart started to beat a bit faster. He was becoming dependent on his newest friend, he knew that. And he was so afraid of screwing up with him that now, Scorpius just made everything feel awkward. Albus would ask him a simply question and Scorpius would spend five minutes searching for the perfect answer. Of course Albus was patient and kind, but that surely wouldn't last forever. Someday, probably sooner rather than later, Albus would grow tired of him. He would leave, and Scorpius wasn't sure he could handle another person leaving him. At least not right now; not with his mother fresh in his mind.

Scorpius took a deep breath. He needed to focus on something else. Yes it was the middle of the night and he should be sleeping, but Scorpius hadn't gotten more than a few hours since his mother's death. He always woke up with nightmares that made him slice into his shoulder. Albus' sweater, Scorpius had decided, didn't need any more stains on it.

If Albus ever asked for it back, Scorpius would be mortified. He'd be mortified if anyone found out he had it, but he was fairly certain that Albus wouldn't tell anyone. The rumor that had once spread around the school seemed to have really freaked him out, and he didn't want anyone to think he wasn't straight. Giving his sweater to Scorpius, the other boy from the rumor, would only bring another round of whispers.

Eventually Scorpius drifted off to sleep. He only managed a few hours before he woke, but as soon as he did, he climbed out of bed and got ready for his morning run. He needed to keep up on the runs because Arabella was watching him closer during meals and he'd felt the need to at least eat toast. She nagged him about it, but he just scowled at her. He didn't need Arabella to look after him. He didn't need anyone to; he was fine on his own.

The cold felt worse than usual that year, though Scorpius ignored the fact that he was shivering. They couldn't last forever, he knew that, so in twenty minutes he'd be just fine.

But twenty minutes later he was still shaking as he ran another lap around the castle. And twenty minutes after that, he was leaning against a tree and trying to catch his breath. For some reason he'd been losing stamina, and he needed to figure out how to get it back. Leaning against that tree, however, was how Arabella found him. "What," she said quietly, her voice dangerous, "in God's name are you doing out of bed at _four_ in the damn morning?"

"How...How did you…?" Scorpius managed, still trying to catch his breath. He would have thought running would make his endurance better, but he just got worse.

"I put a charm on you so I'd know when you were in distress,"

" _Boundaries_ -"

"No, you lost your mother. You don't show emotions but you need comfort," Arabella said firmly. Scorpius frowned slightly; he knew that if he needed anything, he'd go running off to Albus. Whenever Albus thought he was upset, Scorpius would find himself in a hug that he was becoming far too fond of.

"I'm fine, Arabella," Scorpius said, finally beginning to catch his breath and standing up straight. "I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me,"

"You're my best friend you idiot," Arabella said with a frown. "Of course I'm going to worry about you. Why are you out here at this time of morning? Why are you _running_? You're all skin and bones anyway; you don't need to do this,"

Scorpius shook his head in disagreement. "I do need to. You can't understand and that's fine. But I need this. And I need you to take that spell off me; it's ridiculous and an invasion of privacy,"

"Scorpius I just want to help,"

"Well you're not, so just...just leave me be. I need to keep going,"

He started running again. Behind him he heard Arabella shout, " _I'm getting Albus Potter_!" but he assumed she was lying and was just going back to bed. He wouldn't blame her; it was early and if he could sleep, he would go back to bed too.

Around six, when he walked back into the castle, Scorpius wanted nothing more than to take a boiling hot shower to try and warm himself up. But he was stopped by a very tired looking Albus Potter. "Your friend managed to break into our common room," he said, frowning. "I don't even want to know how long she stood trying to get the right password. Why were you outside this morning? It's freezing,"

"I needed air,"

"For two hours?"

"I needed a lot of air,"

"Don't be ridiculous. Does this happen every morning?" Scorpius nodded slightly, frowning. He didn't want Albus' judgement. "And every night too, right?" He nodded again. "I think...I think you have a serious problem. And I think we need to go to the hospital wing to get you some help. Even with Zabini watching you, you only eat a piece of bread at meals, if you even come. Something's not right,"

"I don't need this right now," Scorpius muttered, pushing past Albus to continue on his way to the Slytherin common room.

"Hey," Albus said, reaching out and grabbing his arm. "Hey, just...Come on, please just let me help you. You're my friend and I care about you. I want you to be alright, so let me help you, okay?"

Scorpius stared at him for a couple of minutes, just trying to figure out what he was going to say. And finally, he went with, "If you want to help me, then just...just _be_ here, and don't...just don't let me be alone,"

"I'm always here," Albus said gently. "I'll just be worrying about you nonstop and trying to convince you that the best thing for you to do is go to the hospital wing. And until I do convince you-and even after-I'll just be here,"

Scorpius smiled. He actually smiled, and it felt nice. "Okay," he said softly. "I can live with that. Thank you for being here, I guess,"

Albus smiled as well, and patted Scorpius' shoulder before promising to meet him after classes that day. Scorpius made it back to his common room and then his dormitory, and while he was irritated with Arabella for going to Albus, he wanted to thank her too. Because once again, Albus had managed to convince him that he cared, and that Scorpius wouldn't be alone. And that was definitely one thing that Scorpius needed.

As the day went by, Scorpius couldn't help but obsess over what Albus had said to him. Albus wanted to stay by his side. It was the friendship Scorpius had hoped for on the first train ride, and now he finally had it. And so at lunch, when he left for his daily trip to the bathroom to cut, he only made three new ones rather than five. Scorpius decided that was what happiness felt like.

* * *

Albus wanted his sweater back.

Actually, he just wanted a sweater. It was November, and it was cold, and while he had many other sweaters, the Hufflepuff one had always been his favorite. So after confronting Scorpius that morning and subsequently freezing half to death, Albus decided that he needed to get a sweater. And he had a plan, too. Scorpius seemed to love wearing the yellow sweater, so Albus would feel bad taking it away. All he had to do was just ask for Scorpius' Slytherin one, and they'd be even.

Still, he felt nervous about asking Scorpius for a sweater. And what if Scorpius didn't even have one? He hadn't thought about wearing his own when he'd started to get cold.

Albus groaned and put his head in his hands. He was struggling through Charms, and Scorpius was on the other side of the room. He was dutifully taking notes, like any other good student, and he didn't seem conflicted about a sweater. But while Albus worried, he also stared. There was just _something_ about Scorpius Malfoy's eyes that fascinated Albus. He wanted to see them all day because things didn't feel right when he didn't get to see the blond's spectacular eyes.

The eyes met his, and Albus turned red. Scorpius just smirked, and raised an eyebrow as if to ask what Albus wanted. And, well, he'd figure out soon enough what Albus wanted.

They met in the kitchens after their classes that day. Surprisingly it wasn't a common place for students to be, so Albus thought it was fairly safe. Scorpius was already there and sipping tea by the time Albus arrived, his face flushed after a confrontation with Rose. She'd accused him of staring at Scorpius-loudly and in front of quite a few students.

"You're late," Scorpius said, smirking at him.

Albus just grinned and said, "I had an argument with Rose. It was silly and no, I'm not upset, I just want to drink hot chocolate and have a nice conversation with you,"

"What, have you already got one planned or something?"

"Actually, yes," Albus said, a bit nervously. Scorpius froze and looked concerned. "Okay, so...So this is going to sound odd,"

"You're not upset with me, are you?"

"No. I just...I need your Slytherin sweater,"

"Excuse me?"

"Well, it's just that you have my sweater. My Hufflepuff one. You're wearing it right now," Albus said, watching as Scorpius' cheeks turned pink. "And...And I thought it was only fair if I had your Slytherin one. Because that way we each have a sweater and it's getting cold, and the Hogwarts sweaters are my favorite, and-"

"You-You want my sweater?"

"I-Yes, I do,"

"But you gave me yours. I'm not offering mine,"

Albus could feel himself turning more and more red. "Look, I only said it was fair. You seem to be pretty taken with mine so I'm not asking for it back. I just...want yours,"

Albus understood how it would look if anyone saw them trading sweaters. It wasn't something that friends typically did, and there were already rumors about them. Albus wasn't a fan of the rumors because while he spent time every night thinking about his future, he hadn't figured anything out about what he wanted or who he wanted to love.

But as soon as Scorpius nodded, Albus didn't care about the rumors. All he cared about was not freezing to death when he had to go chasing after Scorpius at ungodly hours of the morning. And Scorpius didn't mind giving it to him, which made Albus want to smile. Everything, it seemed, was perfect. Scorpius was his friend so they weren't feuding, and he'd forgiven his family so they weren't having issues either. His final year at Hogwarts was proving to be his best year yet.

Except for the fact that Scorpius Malfoy seemed to be withering away to nothing. He was unnaturally thin and he was always cold, which Albus thought was a sign of him not eating enough. He had actually gone up to Arabella Zabini to mention it to her, but the only change he'd noticed was that his friend showed up to meals. He still didn't seem to be eating much of anything, and he was running twice a day. For at least two hours each time. It couldn't possibly be healthy.

So he was worried about his friend. But he was doing well in all of his classes, and he was on good terms with his family, and he was happy. Albus was pretty sure being happy was the most important thing that year. He would pass his tests at the end of the year and he'd have a job and a home to go to. Everything was perfect.

Until a night in the middle of November, when everything went wrong.

He'd been at dinner with Rose when Lily and Hugo had come running up. Their faces looked guilty, and Albus immediately felt worried. "What's wrong?" Rose asked, frowning at them.

"It's Scorpius Malfoy," Hugo said, frowning. "It's just...We were coming in and we saw him fighting with Zabini, and then…"

"Then what, Hugo?" Albus snapped, immediately feeling worried. Something had happened; had Arabella Zabini left him again? If she had, Albus would be furious. He was already hurt enough about losing his mother; he didn't need to lose his best friend too.

"He just collapsed, Albus," Lily said, her eyes wide. "He just stopped mid-sentence and crumpled. Zabini freaked out and got a professor to take him to the hospital wing, but he...he didn't look good,"

Albus stared at them, unsure of what to think. Part of him wanted to believe they were lying, and that Scorpius would come walking in any second. But what came in were whispers and laughs about the pale boy who'd fallen to the ground.

Before he could comprehend what he was doing, Albus was out of his seat and on his way to the hospital wing. Whispers followed him out the door, but he really didn't care. He just needed to get to his friend. But as soon as he reached the hospital, he was stopped by the healer. "Mr. Potter, unless you have reason to be here, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Immediately,"

"Scorpius Malfoy is my friend," Albus said angrily, pushing past the healer to look around the room. And sure enough, lying in a bed at the end of the room was his favorite Slytherin. Scorpius was awake, at least, though he didn't look happy about having to be in bed. Albus hurried over despite the other boy's irritated expression, and smiled when he approached. "I heard you took a tumble in the entrance hall. Are you alright?"

"I'm not a child," Scorpius muttered, glaring at Albus before folding his arms across his chest. "I know what happened,"

"So you collapsed then. I'm not going to lie and say I didn't see it coming,"

For a moment Scorpius was silent. Then he said, "Shut up. You can leave now; I don't know why you came in the first place,"

"Because you're my friend," Albus said easily. "You're my friend and I care about you. So, let's not focus on the why right now, and let's figure out how to get you better,"

"There's nothing wrong with me,"

"I think we both know that's not true,"

The two boys fell silent. Scorpius looked furious and unwilling to say a word, and Albus knew that he needed time to be able to say anything. So he would wait. And he would stay with Scorpius, because he'd promised to just stay with him. Albus didn't like to break promises.

It was over an hour before Scorpius was able to speak. The healer had come to check on him and had muttered something that made Scorpius scowl. Only at that point did he turn to look at Albus once again. "They're going to monitor my meals," he muttered angrily, arms still folded across his chest. "Because...Because they don't trust me to eat on my own. Which is utterly ridiculous. I'm seventeen; I know how to feed myself,"

"But you haven't been doing it," Albus said softly. "Maybe this is for the best,"

Scorpius turned his head to scowl, and Albus was surprised to notice that he had dark circles under his eyes. Were they always there? He hadn't noticed them. "It's not. I can control this, and they're...they're just trying to take that away from me. I need...I need to control this because...because my mother's gone and my father can't even look at me, and...and the entire school hates me, and _you_ …"

"Me? What have I done?"

"Just leave me alone, Potter. I don't need you in my life; I don't need you to come in here and pretend to care just to make me trust you. I don't need it; I...I don't…"

His friend started to breath a bit faster, and Albus watched with widened eyes as the blond buried his head in his hands. His shoulders started to shake, and Albus wanted to help but he didn't know how. And that was how Arabella Zabini found them only two minutes later. " _Leave_ ," she said, glaring at Albus. He didn't need to be told twice, especially by a girl that was better at curses than him.

But as he lay in bed that night, worrying about his friend, he knew that he needed to give Scorpius space. He wouldn't react well to being pressured into anything. And Albus didn't want to lose him.

It was with that thought that he closed his eyes and tried to think of his future again. Albus' eyes flew open and he sat up in bed only five minutes later. He'd finally seen the shadowy figure in full detail.

And it had been a blond haired Slytherin in a yellow sweater.


	11. Chapter 11

Scorpius had ruined everything. He'd been stupid enough to collapse in the entrance hall rather than staying in bed and fainting there. He'd allowed Arabella control over his meals in order to get out of the hospital wing, and she wouldn't accept any excuse of not being hungry. And he honestly wasn't. He felt sick to his stomach, though it wasn't because of the sudden reappearance of food in his life. He felt sick because he'd pushed Albus away. The Hufflepuff had been nothing but nice to him for weeks, and Scorpius had snapped at him and pushed him away. He felt terrible.

And the only thing he could think to do to make it better was to sneak off to the bathroom after class, lock the doors, and cut into his shoulder or stomach. He always ended up crying, alone and cold and pitiful, until he managed to compose himself and go to his common room, the newly stained yellow sweater on under his robes. He could clear the stains, of course, and he did, every night. By the next day, there would just be even more.

Scorpius hadn't wanted Albus to leave. He'd wanted the other boy to ignore his desperate pleas and just sit down next to him and hold him. He felt unusually attracted to Albus, though he was sure the only reason was because Albus cared about him, as a friend. So maybe, Scorpius thought, his own fondness was that of a friendship. He'd never been close friends with anyone but Arabella, and their friendship was different than the one he had with Albus. Different feelings, then, were easily explainable.

With a shake of his head, Scorpius attempted to clear his mind of thoughts of Albus. He didn't want to think about anything but the blade in his hand and the rush he got from simply feeling something. He was used to emptiness, and he was used to the dull ache in his chest when he thought of Albus. But that was all he got, and he really needed to feel something every now and then.

He let out a little sigh of relief when he felt the blade open his skin again. Scorpius felt again, if only for a moment, and he managed to make a small smile before the feeling left. "I'm okay," he whispered, trying to keep his blood from staining Albus' sweater. He failed, of course, but he seemed to fail at everything nowadays so Scorpius wasn't really surprised.

He was, however, surprised when someone managed to open the door to the bathroom. They were locked, and he'd heard a few people pull on them to no avail. "Is someone in here?' Scorpius' stomach dropped as he recognized the voice. "Scorpius? A first year thought he saw you come in; are...are you actually in here or am I just talking to myself?" Scorpius remained silent; he wasn't going to say anything. He didn't know how the Hufflepuff had managed to find him, or why he'd be looking, but he didn't want to find out and have more false hope than he needed. "Okay, I'll admit it. I lied about the first year. My brother...Well, it's a long story, but we have this map and it shows everyone's locations, and...so I know you're in here, and I know you're listening to me right now. I'm glad you're listening, Scorpius. I have something to say.

"I don't know what I did to upset you when you were in the hospital wing. I was just worried about you. And I...Well, Rose said I should give you a couple of days to calm down, and I've given you that, so...so I want to see you again. I...For crying out loud, I miss you. I don't know what changed this year, but we're working, and I miss you, and...I just want to know that you're okay, so if you could just...If you want me to go then I'll go, and you don't have to talk to me anymore, but please just let me know you're alright,"

But he wasn't alright, and Scorpius didn't feel like lying to Albus. So he said nothing at all, and decided that the uncomfortable silence was better than Albus finding out the truth. Albus would try to take away the last thing Scorpius had left to gain control. He couldn't allow that to happen, no matter how much he wanted Albus back. He'd already started to ruin everything, and Scorpius knew he had to finish it.

There was a knock on the stall door, and Scorpius quickly waved his wand to keep the door from opening. "Scorpius, please," Albus begged, sounding more upset than Scorpius thought would be appropriate. "Come on, please. I know you're in there. Just...Tell me what I did wrong. Was it that I asked for your sweater? You can have it back, I...I don't need it, I just...Were we getting too close or something? Was that it? Because I...I liked being close to you, and it...it's helped me to...to realize…" Albus trailed off. Scorpius wanted him to finish the sentence, though he knew Albus wouldn't.

"Just one word?" Albus begged. Scorpius could hear frustration starting to drip into the other boy's voice. It would be good if Albus was mad at him. Then he wouldn't be upset about everything being ruined. "Scorpius. Come on. You obviously don't want me around, and this can finish a hell of a lot faster if you just speak,"

"Go," Scorpius finally said, his voice shaking despite his attempt to sound firm.

The room itself seemed to freeze. Albus, he knew, was shocked as the word he'd picked. Scorpius felt the remnants of his heart start to crumble. Albus had cared about him, had truly cared about him, and now he would be gone forever.

"You can't be serious," Albus said eventually, breaking the eerie silence of the room. "You can't...after...after all of this you can't actually be serious. You want me to go? You want me to just walk away from you? You… A week ago you practically begged me to stay by your side, and now I'm just supposed to walk away? To forget everything? You can't be serious,"

Scorpius frowned and took a deep, shaking breath. He was serious. He needed Albus to go away and to never come near him again because Albus was ruining everything. Albus made him feel guilty every time he sliced into his skin because he knew how disappointed the black-haired boy would be. "I don't need you," he said slowly. "I...I don't want you. I don't want some pathetic little Hufflepuff to pity me enough to try and be my friend. I want you to go,"

"You're lying. Your voice is shaking," Albus responded.

"You don't know me," Scorpius shot back, though he knew he was lying. Albus had been around him more often than not before Scorpius had pushed him away, and Albus knew his voice. He was incredibly good at telling Scorpius' tone of voice. It was scary, sometimes.

"Yes I do. Which is why I don't understand your sudden aversion to being so close to me. I...We're friends. Unless I did something wrong, I don't understand why we can't still be friends. So...So is that it? Did I do something wrong? Is this whole thing my fault?"

His entire body practically screamed at him to say no. No, it wasn't Albus' fault, it could never be Albus' fault, because Albus was good and kind and had been there. Scorpius was the one with the problem. He was the one who couldn't go six hours without cutting into his own skin. "Yes,"

Scorpius was fairly sure he could feel the shock and hurt radiating off Albus. It made his chest hurt, but he'd have to live with it. Albus would be better off without him anyway. "You don't…" Albus started. Scorpius ignored the other boy's voice and dug his blade deeply into his shoulder. "I don't understand," Albus said weakly. "I...I was only trying to help. I...I thought I was helping,"

"You weren't," Scorpius lied. "I just didn't want to hurt your precious feelings. But I've had enough. You...You're insufferable and if you'd never approached me, Albus Potter, I would be ten times happier. I don't want you in my life. I haven't ever wanted you in my life," He stood then and cracked the door so Albus could see the side of his face.

He was shocked to see tears slide silently from Albus' eyes. The other boy didn't even try to wipe them away; he just let them fall. The ache in Scorpius' chest worsened, but he forced himself to glare. Albus flinched. "I…" he attempted to say, but the lump in his throat didn't allow hm to continue for a few, horrifyingly slow moments. "I...I hate you," he whispered. "I...I...I liked you. I...I liked you in...in was I shouldn't have. But...But I…"

A moment later he turned and was gone. Scorpius slammed the door shut again and slid down the wall to the floor. His entire body started shaking, and there was a lump in his throat. He'd definitely hurt Albus, as much as it had hurt him if not more. Before he could start to cry he took his blade out and made four parallel cuts to his wrist. Bright red drops of blood appeared on his pale skin, and Scorpius felt a sense of peace wash over him for a few seconds. Then he let out a sob and curled up, trying to forget what Albus had said to him, and the fact that he deserved it.

He fell asleep there and dreamed of a different life where he was happy, and Albus was with him, and he actually deserved to have him. When he woke, it was to a light filling the bathroom. He didn't want to think about who it was; he could just be silent and no one would even know he was there.

"Come out here right now," a voice snapped. His mind, for a moment, let itself believe the voice belonged to Albus. But of course it didn't; it was Arabella. "I don't know what you did, but Albus Potter came out of the dungeons in tears. Tears, Scorpius. The bloody Hufflepuff didn't even cry when he broke his leg in second year. But he just came out as we were going to dinner, mumbled your name when Rose Weasley got to him, and refused to leave his dorm. Do you have any idea how long it took to coax him out of there? The entirety of his house was hell-bent on protecting him. So you're going to come out of there, tell me what the hell happened, and then go fix it,"  
Scorpius didn't move. He didn't care enough to move; he had ruined everything with Albus and he completely adored Albus. Albus hated him. "Damnit, Scorpius, open the damn-"

The door flew open, and Scorpius saw his friend freeze. There were tear stains on his cheeks, and blood on his wrist and shoulder. He expected her to run. She should be disgusted and she should run away. "What…" Arabella shook her head and narrowed her eyes. "How long? How many?"

He couldn't even say anymore. "I don't...I don't know,"

"Get up," Arabella commanded. "We're going to the hospital wing,"

"No," Scorpius said firmly. She wasn't going to take this away from him too. "I'm fine. I have it under control,"

"You're mutilating yourself; you're-"

"I'm fine!" Scorpius shouted, completely out of control now. "I don't need you to fix me. I'm fine, and I'm more than capable of removing your memory of this. If you ever-"

"You could die," Arabella said, her voice shaking. "You could get an infection, or go too deep, or...You're my best friend, Scorpius. Why...Why are you doing this?"

"Best friend? Sure. You only care when you get to boss me around. Albus has been a better friend in the past few weeks than you've been in the past few years. So leave me the hell alone when you're only pretending,"

This time, he really did expect her to leave. Arabella hadn't truly cared for him in a while. They weren't good friends, because she'd let him go alone and he hadn't tried to do anything to stop it. But again, she didn't leave. Instead, she sat down beside him and but an arm around his shoulders. "I'm not pretending. I love you; you're my best friend. I don't want you hurting in any way," Arabella pulled him a little closer, and whispered, "I don't want you to hurt yourself. I...Let me take you to the hospital wing; let me help you,"

Scorpius slid out from under her arm and stood on shaking legs. "This is none of your concern. Just leave me alone, and if I ever hear you mention this, I...It won't be god,"

He cleared the blood from his body and made sure his clothes covered the cuts. Then he ran, leaving Arabella behind on the bathroom floor and wondering what she'd done wrong to make Scorpius resort to harming himself.

* * *

Albus Severus Potter was in a terribly foul mood. He'd spent a full day on his bed, shouting at Hugo for trying to talk to him and throwing things at his younger cousin. His family had soon gotten him out of bed, though he'd been miserable and they'd soon allowed him to return to hiding.

He'd gotten to stay there for two more days until he was summoned to the headmaster's office. Albus could understand why; he'd skipped two days of classes. But he didn't expect to see his parents standing there, looking both irritated and concerned. "What?" Albus asked, glaring at them. He had the intense desire to return to the comfort of his messy blankets and stay there until Christmas.

"Albus," his father said, sounding frustrated as well. "You've been skipping class; you don't need to take that tone with us. Lily wrote; she said you haven't been coming to meals either. What happened?"

"I...It doesn't matter. I'm fine. I'll go back to class; I'm fi-"

"Obviously you're not," his mother said. She sounded more irritated than his dad. "I knew hanging around that boy would be bad for you. I told your father, and now I'm telling you. You're to stay away from Scor-"

Albus' eyes narrowed and his face burned with shame. "Lucky for you, he won't be a problem anymore,"

"Good. He's been a terrible influence on you. I'm glad you cut him loose," his mother said.

But his father just looked concerned. "Albus, did something happen?"

"As if you care. You only came to yell at me because I was skipping class. That's it. You don't even want me to talk to him. And you know why? Because I'm not someone else. I'm your son, and it looks bad to fraternize with a Malfoy, so you never wanted me to actually stay friends with him. But you know what? I wish I was someone else. I wish I didn't have 'Potter' in my name. Then I could be his friend without people judging me. I could tell him how I feel without anybody giving a damn," Albus realized he was shouting at that point, but he was past caring. Scorpius had meant more to him than people realized, but they just wanted to celebrate his departure from Albus' life. It was not exactly pleasant.

"Does this have anything to do with what we spoke of before?" his father asked. Albus found himself nodding spite of himself. "Ginny, give us a moment please,"

"Harry-"

"Please," his dad said, a serious turn to his voice that made the room feel uncomfortable. But it worked, because Albus' mother quickly left the room with a frown and muttered words that they couldn't actually understand.

There was silence for about a minute, and then, "Is there something you want to tell me?"

At first, Albus shook his head. Then, however, it turned into a slow nod. "i...Dad, I think...I think I'm…"

Albus didn't know exactly what he wanted to say. He was probably gay. He had been rude; he could apologize. He could apologize for being the disappointment of the family. "You're…?"

"I'm sorry," Albus said softly, afraid to tell his dad the truth. He might have been okay with the possibility of a gay son, but not with the actual thing.

"I love you," his dad said gently. "I still love you just as much as I did when I first held you. Okay? Nothing's changed just because you love men over women. Not a single thing. You don't have anything to be sorry for," His father hugged him, and Albus found himself sobbing into his chest. Everything had gone so wrong so fast, and he was falling for someone who hated him, and he just wanted one thing to work out for him. "Hey," his dad said gently, "Hey, you'll be alright. I promise you that you'll be alright. Sometimes life is hard; believe me, I know how tough it can be. But you are the strongest kid I know, okay? You're stronger than I was at your age. So whatever happens, you'll be alright,"

"How do you know?" Albus asked weakly, fairly certain that he had reverted back to being five years old. "I...I don't even feel alright. How...How can you possibly know?"

"Because I raised you," his dad said firmly. "I know just how strong you are. I know that you can fix whatever happened between you and Scorpius. I know that you're brave enough to be yourself. And I know that no matter what, you know that you've always got me in your corner. I will always be there for you, Albus,"

He didn't know how long he sat in the office, talking to his dad. He knew that his mother came back in at one point, but they kept his sexuality out of conversation. Albus wasn't really ready for anyone else to know. He'd barely come to terms with the idea himself; he needed time. But finally, after one of the longest conversations of his life, they let him go. Albus immediately went to the Astronomy tower-at least, he figured, it wasn't his dormitory. He sat there through the rest of the day and then dinner as well. And it wasn't until the sky darkened that he saw a light appear by the forest. It started moving at a slow, steady pace. And Albus knew exactly who it belonged to.

Part of him was too afraid to go down. But that part was small, and before long Albus found himself running on to the grounds in the direction of the light. And the first thing he did when he Scorpius Malfoy turned to face him was bunch the other boy in the nose. "What the-"

"You're a damn coward," Albus said angrily. "A huge, bloody coward and you know as well as I do that you're just too afraid of the fact that we're getting close. You're too afraid that you'll start to actually like me. So you pushed me-" He pushed Scorpius backwards for emphasis, "-away because you were a bloody coward and now you're-"

"I pushed you away because you don't need me! I'm a mess, and you...you deserve so much better than a mess who can't even eat properly, and-Why the hell are you smiling at me? Stop smiling at me! Damnit, Albus, just punch me again or something and he done with it! I deserve it; you know I deserve it! I'm a right ass and you know that I-"

"You are an ass," Albus agreed. He was still angry, but something about the fact that Scorpius had tried to spare him made him feel infinitely less so. "A stupid, cowardly ass. But you're my friend. And friends don't get to just pick and choose when they want to be in each other's lives. I want to be your friend. I want to be your friend when you're happy, and when you're messy, and when you're getting married in ten years and want someone to be the best man at your wedding. Because that's what friends do; they don't abandon each other. Do you understand me?"

To his surprise, Scorpius nodded. And then, as if nothing had changed over the three days they hadn't spoken to each other, Albus grabbed Scorpius' hand and pulled him into the castle. They went to their table in the library to talk, and to make Scorpius swear not to pull anymore stupid stunts with their friendship. Albus couldn't take it anymore; he cared too much for Scorpius to just let it happen, and all of the changing of minds was exhausting.

And for a couple of weeks, things seemed to settle down. Albus and Scorpius didn't argue, nor did they act any differently than they had before. It was almost everything Albus could have hoped for. Almost.

Because in truth, his vision of the future was becoming more and more clear. Every image involved Scorpius, and Albus knew it was probably very dangerous to fall for his friend. Sill, at least he could be honest with himself about who he was. And to be honest, he didn't even care that he had a different sexuality than much of the rest of Hogwarts. He was just glad he finally knew who he was.

Finally, December rolled around. Life got more and more hectic, what with various exams, but soon enough it was time to go home for the holidays. Albus was considering telling his family about his sexuality. He made Scorpius promise to write so they could meet up and spend time together. But it wasn't until they climbed off the train that Albus learned Scorpius would be spending the holiday alone. And that, he knew, was the perfect opportunity to see more of his friend.


	12. Chapter 12

Scorpius lived in the same house his father had grown up in. They had moved for a while, but had soon returned. The house was huge, and his father hadn't adjusted well to having less space. Not, Scorpius knew, that it mattered now. Because now there was just the two of them and a few house elves. Now they didn't have their mother or her various rooms of things to do.

So he stayed in his room over the holiday. His father was gone, his mother was dead, and the only company he had was the house elf that would pop into his room and bring him a meal three times a day. It was torture, or at least that's what it felt like. He had gotten close to Albus and started relying on company only to have it ripped away from him for weeks. His father couldn't stand to see him, which meant he wouldn't even bother to see Scorpius off when he left on the train. He would be completely alone.

Being alone did mean that he could do whatever he wanted with his skin. He had made no less than twenty fresh cuts in a day and a half, and he was ecstatic. Every time he did it he forgot about his loneliness. His bathroom sink had a great deal of blood on it.

Arabella wrote a few times in the first few days, but Scorpius never replied. He was fairly sure that Arabella was only writing to him out of obligation. If he'd wanted to respond to anyone, it would have to be Albus. But Albus had never bothered to write, and Scorpius was beginning to question if they were really friends at all.

Until a house elf popped into his room. Scorpius was in the bathroom, his blade against his skin, though he heard a feeble knock on the door and a voice say, "There's a boy in the drawing room for you, Sir,"

He froze, confused. "There's a what? A...Why?"

"He says he's here to take you; he calls himself Potter,"

It took him a few moments to realize who it was. When he did, he immediately started to clean himself up. Albus had come, and Scorpius couldn't let him know what was going on. He looked in the mirror to see dark circles under his eyes, and a paler than usual reflection. Albus definitely wouldn't like to see that, but Scorpius didn't have enough time to fix it. He pulled on the first shirt he found, only realizing that it was the Hufflepuff's sweater when he was halfway down the stairs.

He found Albus staring at a portrait of his mother. "I forget how rich you are," he said slowly. "Like, I know you're rich but not portraits-of-yourself rich,"

"That's a thing?"

Albus shrugged and turned to face him with a wide smile. "It is now. Happy Christmas,"

"It's not Christmas,"

"It's close enough," Albus argued. "Now go back your things; we're running late,"

"We-What? What on earth are you talking about?"

"Just go get your things, will you? We don't have a lot of time,"

"Why?"

"Because it's Christmas," Albus said simply. "No one should be alone on Christmas,"

As he ran up to his room to pack his things, Scorpius told himself that Albus was only getting him because he felt sorry for him. He told himself that he had only accepted the offer because he was lonely. But that didn't stop the warm feeling spreading through his chest, or the first real smile in ages from appearing. Even if it was just Albus pretending to care, Scorpius would take it.

The thought that they would step out of a fireplace and into a room full of Weasleys didn't occur to him until it actually happened. He stood, frozen, unsure of where he should look in the room full of redheads. He started to back into the fireplace again, but Albus put a hand on his arm to stop him. "Why would you-" he started, prepared to curse Albus.

That was, however, the moment a woman with greying hair approached them. She looked confused for a moment, though she finally said, "Does your father never feed you? You're nothing but skin and bones! You're lucky to be just in time for dinner; I expect you to eat two helpings,"

She didn't seem like the kind of woman he wanted to mess with, so he just nodded slowly. The woman smiled and went to sit back down. "My grandmother," Albus explains. "She did the same thing to my dad when he first came here. She...She doesn't approve of people being as thin as you are. Which...I mean, you've been doing alright, haven't you? I would have been there to get you sooner, but my mother took a bit of convincing. She...She's a really good person, I promise. And she's working on getting used to the idea of you,"

"Albus, why did you bring me here?"

"Well, where did you expect we'd be going?"

"Your family hates me! They...I...I need to go home. This isn't right; I need to leave, I-"

"Take a breath," Albus instructed. "I wouldn't have brought you here if they were going to be rude to you. Dad made them swear, even though most didn't have a problem with it," Scorpius looked at him skeptically, but Albus just smiled. "You saw my grandmother. She's more than prepared to make sure you leave here a little heavier,"

It took a few minutes before Scorpius was willing to move away from the fireplace. And after only two minutes of sitting in a chair, he excused himself to the bathroom with a mumble that no one but Albus heard. Once there he dug into the pocket of his pants until he found a blade and pulled it out. He was definitely out of control and out of his comfort zone, and he needed some way to get it back.

The cut was just a thin line on his right shoulder. He didn't really feel much of anything when he made it, so he simply made another. It took a total of six before he could feel a bit of his control easing back into his mind. He hated Albus for bringing him here. This place was warm, and full of love, and it was a place Scorpius knew he didn't deserve to be in. His own father couldn't even look at him since his mother had died; why should any of these people? It didn't make sense.

There was a knock at the door; Scorpius found the situation rather familiar. "Scorpius?" Albus asked gently. "I'm...I'm sorry. I just wanted to do something nice. I wanted to see you and I didn't want you to be alone. I'm...I didn't think that you'd be uncomfortable, but that's on me. We...I can take you back to my house? We can spend the night there?"

He still, Scorpius noticed, didn't seem to want Scorpius to return home. "I'm not going to make you leave your family, Albus," he said finally. "I can go back home. It was kind of you to think of me but I don't want to ruin your holiday,"

There was a long sigh, but then mumbling that Scorpius couldn't understand. "Why don't you at least stay for dinner? We can talk to my uncle Charlie; he's always been great. And Dad was the one who convinced everyone to be nice. He'll be good to talk to as well,"

"Albus, I…" Scorpius started, already unsure of how to respond. "I just...I don't want to cause problems,"

"You won't," Albus assures him. "If anyone is going to be blamed for causing a problem, it will be me. I need you here. I need you, Scorpius. My family is huge and insane and I need someone here to keep me grounded,"

Scorpius sighed heavily and quickly cleaned himself up before he opened the door. "Just dinner?"

"Just dinner and then we'll see how you feel," Albus said, grinning.

"Albus there'll be a riot if I stay,"

"I'll cause a riot if you don't,"

Scorpius smiled in spite of himself. "Okay. We'll...We'll talk about it later. Don't get mad if I don't talk during dinner,"

"Of course not. Thank you for trying,"

Scorpius nodded slightly, not really prepared for dinner with Albus' family. But he would try because Albus was his friend and Scorpius often found himself caring for the other boy in ways he probably shouldn't. He'd do anything to make Albus happy.

So he sat down at a table outside the Weasley's home. It was somehow warm, though he soon realized the adults had used charms to keep everyone cozy. Albus pulled him near the end of the table to wear another man sat alone. For a long time they just listened to him talk enthusiastically about dragons, which was a fairly good way to gain Scorpius's attention. The man seemed thrilled that Scorpius hadn't heard his stories before and told them happily. When others tried to pull him into conversation, however, Scorpius found himself reaching for Albus under the table. They ended up spending the entirety of the dinner with their hands clasped together, Albus giving encouraging squeezes every time someone tried to talk to him.

* * *

It wasn't until everyone started to go home that Albus got the chance to talk to his father. Scorpius was still listening to his uncle's stories, and the fact that uncle Charlie seemed to like Scorpius was good news. Everyone else had sent him polite smiles when they interacted. His aunt Hermione had been kind enough to talk to him about school to get him away from dragon stories for about an hour.

Albus had pulled his dad aside when Scorpius had been dragged into conversation again. He was worried and even though Scorpius seemed a little bit more relaxed, Albus was worried he'd still try and go home. "That went better than I thought it would," his father said with a small smile. "Charlie seems to love him. Hermione was nice and Ron even smiled. I have a feeling he only did it to make your aunt happy,"

Albus managed a smile before he launched into his fears, "Dad, he wants to leave," Albus said quickly. "He...He feels like he's going to cause a problem. I don't want him to go; I want him to have a holiday with a family. His father left him alone, Dad. He's...He's all alone and he looks sick and…"

"Hey, calm down," his dad said gently. "Are you calm? Yes? Good. Just talk to him, okay? I've already got an extra bed set up in your room. And your siblings aren't going to be rude. If they are, they'll find themselves lacking presents on Christmas morning. Your mother may not like his family, but she won't turn away a kid who's alone on Christmas. Your grandparents wouldn't do it to me, and she won't do it to him,"

Albus nods slightly and says, "I'll talk to him. I just...He means a lot to me and I don't want him to be hurting, but I also...I don't want to be without him,"

His dad smiled knowingly. "How is that going?" he asked quietly. "Do you still have feelings for him? Have you talked to him about it?"

Albus went red and shook his head, horrified. "I can't! He's...He's _perfect_ and I'm just me and I don't want to ruin things,"

"You're amazing, Albus," his father said. "Telling him might work out in your favor. Think about it; he came to a place and stayed, despite how uncomfortable he felt, for you. He continued to be your friend even when he faced anger for it. And correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't he the one who grabbed your hand tonight? Under the table?"

"How...How'd you…"

"Considering the fact that you looked surprised and then wouldn't eat with the hand closest to him, Albus, it wasn't that hard to figure out. I doubt anyone else noticed; they wouldn't be looking for things like that,"

Albus wanted to give his dad an indignant response, but Scorpius and uncle Charlie started to walk toward them. They both quieted down, though smiled. Scorpius was smiling as well, which was surprising. "Hey," Albus said, smiling as he took a step toward his friend. "Ready to head home? My home, that is, considering it would break my heart if you left me?"

Scorpius laughed, and Albus' chest felt warm. "I don't know, Albus. It may not be the best idea; what if I-"

"Dad's already got a bed set up in my room for you, right Dad?" Albus asked. His dad nodded before pulling his uncle Charlie away to talk. "See? We want you to come with us. And I need to see your face when I give you your Christmas present. Are you really going to deny that from me?" Scorpius's smile slipped slightly, and Albus wondered if he'd somehow gone too far. "Please? I...I really want you to give it a chance,"

"Oh...Okay. One night though, okay? I'll give you one night but then I should really get home,"

Albus nodded in agreement immediately. One night was all he needed to convince Scorpius that he should stay. They went home not long after, and Albus could see the shock on Scorpius's face as his grandmother gave him a hug and his uncle Charlie shook his hand. They both expected him to be back on Christmas, which made his pale cheeks turn pink.

They returned to Albus' home and Albus immediately dragged Scorpius upstairs. It was getting late, later than Albus had realized. He was tired even though he hadn't realized it mere minutes ago. "It's…" Scorpius said slowly, and Albus blushed.

"It's not as big as your house, I know. And you'll have to share a room with me. But it's nice here. It's...happy,"

"Bright. I was going to say bright," Scorpius said.

Albus looked at his room a bit self consciously. The white walls were covered in pictures, posters, and his mother had plastered various inspirational sayings across them as well. Albus didn't like to admit how happy they made him feel. He hadn't enjoyed some of his childhood, considering the things James had done, and she'd put them on his walls to feel better.

"It's...There's not really anything fancy to it, I'm sorry. I guess I've never really thought about it before. I should have made it nice for you or-"

"Albus," Scorpius said firmly, "It's fine. I don't know why you're so nervous all of the sudden,"

Albus could feel himself turning red. He knew exactly why he was suddenly so self conscious, but he didn't want Scorpius to find out. Scorpius's friendship meant the world to him and Albus was determined not to lose it. "My friends have always been my cousins," Albus said, shrugging. "I don't tend to bring people home because mostly they just want to meet my father. You're different, I know you are. And now I'm worried about you judging me,"

"I think I'll judge you for the fact that you're seventeen and your room is spotless," Scorpius said. Albus went redder, and he was a bit confused as to where Scorpius's good mood had come from.

His friend yawned softly, and Albus swallowed hard and said, "So, um, the extra bed is for you. You can put your things wherever, and I...I should…" He trailed off as Scorpius lifted his trunk on to the bed. The other boy grabbed something to change into and then turned around, oddly pink.

"May I use your restroom?"

"Of course," Albus said. "I'll show you where it is,"

He led his friend to the bathroom just down the hall. To his surprise, Lily slipped out of her room and leaned against the wall next to Albus. "Hey big brother," she said, grinning. Albus rolled his eyes and took a step away from her.

"What do you want, Lily?" he asked. "I'm a bit busy,"

"Standing here and waiting for your love to-"

Albus clapped a hand over her mouth. " _Shut up_ , Lily," he whispered furiously. "Stop...Stop calling him that. I'm...I'm not…" But he didn't really want to deny anything anymore, other than what Scorpius was to him. "We're just friends. Okay? That's it. So stop thinking that there's something deeper because even if I wanted there to be, that's not up to me,"

Lily's eyes widened. "A-Albus, I...I mean I thought but I didn't…"

"Just go run off and tell James like you want to. But leave us alone, will you? He's alone for Christmas and I won't let you ruin his chance for a real one,"

Lily just nodded slightly. "I won't tell James, and I won't ruin your Christmas. I promise. Albus, you're...You're my big brother. I love you and I want you to be happy. But...But maybe...maybe you should talk to him. Maybe we should talk to our parents; have you even told them?"

Albus frowned. He hadn't expected his sister to want to be so involved in his life all of the sudden. He hadn't expected her to be so kind about everything either. "Dad knows. Dad helped me figure it out. I...I don't want to tell her. She'll...What if she gets mad?" he asked weakly.

But Lily only shook her head. "She's our mother, Al. She won't get mad, she'll just feel sad you didn't trust her enough to tell her when you first figured it out. And...And she's going to love you no matter what, okay? All of us will. I promise," Albus sighed and froze as the door to the bathroom opened. Scorpius looked confused, and his expression alone let Albus know that his friend had been eavesdropping. "Hey," Lily said, breaking the awkward silence. "Nice to have you. Your hair's awesome; I've got to run back. There's...music I need to blast in my room,"

She hurried off and Albus looked at Scorpius sheepishly. "She's...Something," Scorpius managed to say. "Should we head back to your room?"

Albus nodded and together the two boys went back to his room. He didn't even know what to say to him when Scorpius turned around to face him. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"We...We don't have a spare room, so if you're uncomfortable then...Then I…"

"Albus," Scorpius said firmly. Albus stared at his feet. " _Tell_ me, will you? It can't be that hard,"

"It was a mistake," Albus said. "B-Bringing you here. A terrible mistake. I shouldn't have...I shouldn't have asked you to come here, Scorpius. If I'd known-"

"You're going to end our friendship because you're _gay_? After all of your nonsense about being there for each other? And now you're just going to...to send me away? To never speak to me again?"

"I don't want to ruin this. I don't want us to stop being friends because I...Because you…"

"Why does me knowing this have to change anything? Do you think I'd care? That I'd mind?"

Albus fell silent. He knew exactly why. Scorpius was smart, he would have figured it out by now.

He heard footsteps approaching him. Albus didn't know what to do other than once again turn his face to Scorpius. His friend looked nervous, for some reason. "It doesn't have to change anything," he said slowly. "I...I need your friendship. Please don't make it go away,"

Albus sighed and shook his head. "I...I want it to change something. That's the problem, Scorpius. I want things to change, and I know they can't because I know you're not…"

"Albus," Scorpius said softly. "There's...There's a lot of things you don't know about me,"

Albus just nodded slightly, unsure of how to respond to his friend. But he had a feeling of what Scorpius was trying to hint at. And before he could question his actions, he found himself engaging in his first kiss.


	13. Chapter 13

For a few moments, Scorpius let himself enjoy the inexperienced kiss from Albus. The other boy was tentative and, Scorpius guessed, had never kissed anyone before this. His heart swelled at the realization that Albus cared for him more than he'd ever let on. And, Scorpius realized, he cared for Albus in the same way. So, for a few moments, Scorpius allowed himself to feel joy. Albus' warm body was pressed up against his and his soft, slightly chapped lips were, quite frankly, only making Scorpius want to go further. He wanted to feel them on his neck, his chest, every-

The moment imploded. Scorpius stopped kissing back as his stomach churned violently. He was covered in scars. Albus would take one look at him and run away screaming. He had too many problems to let Albus in like this.

He jerked away, mumbled, "I'm going to be sick," and ran to the bathroom to throw up the meal Mrs. Weasley had forced him to eat. He sunk down to the floor, shaking, and trying to stay calm. He needed to stay calm, because he didn't want to start hurting himself in Albus Potter's bathroom. It was a few minutes before there was a cautious knock on the door. "I...I'm sorry. I thought...I thought that you wanted me to...to...Scorpius please don't be mad at me. Please, I…I'll take you home. I…"

Scorpius cringed. He hadn't meant to upset Albus. Quite the opposite, actually, he just wanted to protect him. Albus didn't need to deal with a mess like him. He was too good, and too kind, to have to deal with Scorpius' problems. "I...I'll go get my dad. He can help you. I promise he'll help you,"

He heard Albus run away from the bathroom. Only moments later, there was a knock on the door once again. There was a click as the lock turned, and Scorpius found himself sitting in the bathroom with Harry Potter. "How's your stomach?" he asked gently. "Mrs. Weasley's food made me feel a bit sick too, a long time ago. We all eat more than we can handle and you're not the first one to get sick. James does it every year on his birthday. It can help to get some rest; can I help you back to Albus' room?"

Scorpius had no idea what to say. His family had taken care of his mother, but people didn't really try to help him. Yet here was a giant hero, trying to help him because he'd thrown up in the bathroom. So he just nodded weakly and allowed the man to help him to Albus' room. "Thank you," he managed to say.

Harry just smiled and said, "Not a problem. Albus will be right back; he went to go grab you some water,"

He nodded, and was soon alone once again. The sour taste in his mouth was gone in the blink of an eye, and Scorpius slowly touched his fingers to his lips. He didn't know how to even look at Albus now. He wanted to kiss the other boy again, but he also wanted to stay as far away as possible, so Albus wouldn't be hurt.

The door opened, and in came a nervous Albus Potter holding a glass of water. "Hey," he said softly. "I'm...I'm sorry I made you sick. I… I'll…"

"I ate too much," Scorpius said impulsively. "It wasn't you. I...I ate too much. What...What you did…"

"Was wrong, and I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like I did," Albus said quietly. "I...I'm just trying to figure things out and...and I used you in a way I-"

"Albus, I liked it," Scorpius said. He'd stopped thinking long-term and instead decided to focus on Albus' current pain. "I...I just ate too much. I...I would...What we did, Albus, I would like to do it again. I…"

Albus was bright red once again. "You would?" Scorpius nodded. "Like...Like maybe n-now?"

Scorpius sat up nervously and said, "If...If you'd like. I...I don't want you to feel like you have to like me just because we're close. If...I may not be what you're looking for and I wouldn't want you to then feel like you had to stay with me just because you feel obligated to,"

"That's not it at all," Albus said quickly. Scorpius was surprised by how sure he sounded. "My...I want you. I think I have for a while. That's not to say I don't love just being your friend, but...I also think that if we...maybe tried to be together…"

Scorpius leaned forward as if to ask Albus if he could kiss him. He ignored, just for a little while, that he was no good for Albus. Instead he focused on the chapped lips that had burned their way into his memory the moment they'd touched his own.

Albus was still incredibly shy. He was sitting on the bed next to Scorpius and while their lips touched, no other part of them did. Scorpius wanted nothing more than to feel Albus' hand in his hair or on the back of his neck. Hell, he would take a cautious hand on his cheek as long as Albus would just _touch_ him. However, he convinced himself to just let Albus lead. This was his second kiss, as far as Scorpius knew, and Albus needed to feel comfortable.

Albus soon pulled away from him, looking confused and a bit flushed. "W-We should really go to bed," he mumbled, looking at Scorpius with wide green eyes. "I...Thank you. I don't know why I'm thanking you. I'm...I'm just really happy,"

Scorpius managed to smiled slightly as he said, "I'm happy too. Let's...You're right though. We should get to bed,"

Albus nodded and climbed off the bed. It was then he remembered that it was, in fact, his own bed. "Oh, I...I didn't...Sorry,"

Albus was a bright red as he tried to casually lean against the wall. He stumbled though, and Scorpius laughed and said, "Come on, calm down. Nothing...Nothing bad is going to happen, not anymore. Everything will be alright,"

He helped Albus off the floor, and Albus smiled at him. "I'll be normal tomorrow, I promise. I'm...I'm sorry, Scorpius,"

Scorpius shrugged and laid down in bed, hope blooming in his chest. "It's alright. I don't mind. Today was an incredibly weird day after all,"

Scorpius stayed awake long after Albus fell asleep, trying to process everything from that day. He wasn't, it seemed, completely hated. Especially not by Albus who, despite his inexperience, had made Scorpius swoon. Actually swoon; he almost couldn't believe it. He felt stupid for it happening in the first place, and furious that he'd allowed it of himself. Then again, Albus might have swooned as well. He'd feel less stupid if that was the case.

Eventually Scorpius drifted off to sleep, feeling happy and oddly safe. Things, he decided, were starting to actually work out in his favor. Things would be okay. Albus liked him. Albus cared for him and that was something that hadn't happened in years. Or at least that's how he felt. Someone genuinely cared for him.

When he woke up, Albus was gone. Scorpius looked at the clock, wondering where Albus could possibly be at four in the morning. He always woke around four because that was when he went for a run to keep himself in shape. But Albus was gone. Had he dreamed all of it? But no, he hadn't, because he wasn't in his room or in any of the rooms in his house. He was sure of at least that much.

Scorpius climbed out of bed and saw fresh clothes lying on the floor. There was a note attached to them that read, 'For you!' so Scorpius slipped them on. Somehow, they fit perfectly. It was odd; had he told Albus his size? Certainly not. And even if Albus had used the Slytherin sweater he now owned, Scorpius had gotten thinner. He didn't question it too much though, instead preferring to leave the room and try and find his friend.

There was laughing from downstairs. Scorpius was rather nervous; had they somehow been watching him and were laughing as he moved awkwardly around the top floor of the house? Had Albus brought him here for a good laugh and to reveal that he didn't care for Scorpius at all?

But the laughter wasn't about him. Everyone was laughing at Albus's younger sister, Lily, who had tripped over her own cat. Scorpius wondered if it would be possible to just slip out the front door and never come back. He didn't belong with a happy family like this one, especially not when he was so miserable. But he got caught at the bottom of the stairs. "Scorpius! You're up, I'm glad. We've been waiting for you. And do you have any idea how hard it is to wait to open presents on Christmas morning?"

Scorpius blushed, unsure of what to say to her. Was she actually angry with him or had he really done something wrong? Either way, Albus was up in an instant with a cup of tea and a warm smile. "Sorry about her. She's a nuisance, I swear,"

"Don't be rude to your sister," Albus's mother said, rolling her eyes. "Scorpius, please have a seat. We're glad you could join us. Breakfast is almost finished, but the kids want to open presents together. Any objections?"

"I...I don't want to intrude on your family time," Scorpius said, looking a bit panicked. Albus just sent him a reassuring smile.

"Oh you don't have to worry about that," Lily said, winking at them both. "Something tells me this won't be the first Christmas you spend with us,"

"Lily!" Albus yelped, a bright shade of red now. "Dad make her shut up,"

"Well she's not wrong," Albus's dad mumbled, grinning at the horror on his son's face.

"I'm so sorry about them," Albus said. "It's...I don't know how…"

"Just have a seat you two," James snapped, not angry but eager to see what Christmas had brought them. "We get it; you're in love. Now can we please open presents?"

* * *

Albus was going to murder his siblings. He was going to murder them slowly and painfully and they deserved it, for everything they put him and Scorpius through on Christmas day. They were amused to no end that Albus had finally kissed someone, and that it was a boy, but also their father's enemy's son. The jokes they faced were endless.

And then it was Christmas with the rest of his family. Albus was apprehensive about bringing Scorpius, especially if James and Lily couldn't keep their mouths shut. But his siblings proved relatively well behaved at the Christmas lunch, and even grateful that Scorpius was there. Everyone insisted on asking him about life and school, which spared the rest of them from facing those questions, but also made Scorpius squirm under the spotlight. He spent no less than an hour in the bathroom, and Albus couldn't imagine what he was doing but he never asked. Scorpius always came back looking a bit more sure of himself than he had before.

It was near the end of the gathering that things really started to go wrong. They were supposed to be headed off to see his dad's cousin and family, and everyone hated the trip. Then again, his dad and Dudley Dursley were somehow close, even after everything his father had been through as a kid. But Uncle Bill had stopped Scorpius and insisted on talking to him. Albus didn't know what about, but his uncle had seemed concerned and Scorpius had come away from the conversation looking shaken.

Albus wondered what he was supposed to refer to Scorpius as now. Where they still just friends, or did he say that Scorpius was his boyfriend? And how awkward would that be? He'd just go up to his great aunt Petunia and say, "Hey there, this is my boyfriend Scorpius. His father tried to kill mine but hey, he's a good person"? That certainly wouldn't do. But Scorpius had never really said if they were anything at all. Maybe Albus was only good for the occasional kiss and that was it? Did he not hold any more value than that? Albus certainly hoped that wasn't the case. But if it was all he would get, he would take it. He really cared for Scorpius, and he wanted some kind of connection.

Dinner with his dad's side of the family was even worse. His great aunt had mellowed out some since the war where she nearly lost her nephew, but his great uncle, the giant whale of a man, was as angry and rude as ever, according to his father. Albus hated that that was the case; he wished he liked his dad's side more. But there was one member, his cousin Daisy Dursley, that he absolutely adored. She was only five and slightly terrified of her grandfather, but she was adorable as well. She played make believe with Albus, who she didn't know was a wizard. And she took to Scorpius right away. The girl was attached to him the entire night, and she seemed to understand him as well or almost better than Albus did.

Scorpius liked Daisy too, Albus could tell. Scorpius seemed to have a knack for younger kids; his youngest cousins at his grandparents' house had taken to him right away. Scorpius was awkward with the kids at first, but eventually he got used to having them at his side and just tried to smile at them. Albus adored the smile he gave. It was perfect. It was too perfect for Albus anyway. Any sort of relationship they had would never work. It was destined to fail because Scorpius was so perfect and some day he'd realize it and never want to be seen with Albus again.

Still, when they got back home, Scorpius agreed to spend another night. Albus considered that a win. Scorpius liked staying with Albus; that could never be a bad thing. They stayed downstairs as a family for a little while, and Albus and Scorpius were harassed by James and Lily the entire time. Eventually it got to be too unbearable, so Albus dragged Scorpius upstairs. They spend the night playing Exploding Snap and Wizards Chess-Albus' two favorite games-and Albus was happy that Scorpius was willing to do things that didn't particularly interest him. "Thank you," Albus says after their third round of Exploding Snap. It was nearing eleven now and he was a bit tired. Albus imagined that Scorpius felt the same, considering they got about the same amount of sleep the night before.

"I'm not a fun-hater, you know," Scorpius said. "I do enjoy playing games from time to time,"

"That's not what I meant," Albus answered, blushing. "I meant thanks for staying even though you didn't really want to. And...for what happened the other night with...with us,"

Scorpius stared at him for a moment, and then a hint of a smile appeared on his face. "Yeah, I won't lie. I didn't want to stay. Family Christmas isn't really my thing. And...Well, it's my first without my mother. She wasn't nearly as bad as my father, just so you know. So I guess it was nice to spend it with someone else who didn't remind me of that ordeal. As for the other thing, I can't say I mind that either,"

Albus blinked; he hadn't realized that it would be Scorpius' first Christmas without his mother. Albus didn't even want to think about Christmas without his parents. They meant so much to him and he didn't want to experience holidays without them. He knew that he would have to some day, but hopefully that was still years and years away. "I'm sorry. I...I should have been more sensitive toward that issue. It completely slipped my mind; I'm sorry,"

"It's fine. My father didn't stick around for it; I can't imagine why you'd remember," Scorpius said softly.

"Because we're friends," Albus said immediately. "Because you mean a lot to me and I'm pretty sure you know how much by now, considering what we did. I...Anyway. We should get to bed; it's going to be a long day tomorrow,"

"And why is that?"

"Lily. It's the day after Christmas; she insists on dragging me to every muggle store in town; she likes the sales. And, as my friend you'll be coming with me to make it slightly more bearable,"

Scorpius scowled. "We're going shopping?"

"Yep. We're going shopping,"

"Albus if that isn't the most stereotypical gay thing to do-"

"Look it's been a tradition. Dad took us before we could go by ourselves. I promise that it won't be too bad. And maybe we'll finally find you a sweater of your own so you can stop stealing mine," he said jokingly. Scorpius turned a light shade of pink and kept quiet. Albus was worried that he'd done something wrong, though Scorpius sent him a small smile. He grabbed his clothes then and headed to the bathroom to change.

He was gone, Albus thought, for longer than he should have been gone. Albus couldn't imagine what had taken him so long, but when Scorpius entered the room again, he looked unusually pale and tired. "You alright?" Albus asked, worried that Scorpius had gotten sick or finally realized that Albus wasn't the perfect person Scorpius deserved.

"I'm fine," Scorpius said, sounding almost defensive with his reply. Albus frowned but didn't say anything else; Scorpius had already laid down and was closing his eyes to go to sleep. Albus drifted off not long after that.

When he woke up the next morning, Scorpius was still sleeping peacefully in the makeshift bed they'd put in Albus' room. Albus ignored him and grabbed clothes in order to go change in the bathroom and shower. He was up earlier than normal, which was good. It meant he got the bathroom before Lily and would actually have the time to shower that day. Usually the day after Christmas involved him being dragged out of bed and rushed downstairs when he'd barely been able to brush his teeth. Not now though; no, it was going to be Lily who was rushed out of the house.

Albus took his sweet time in the warm water, laughing softly to himself when there was pounding on the door and Lily's frustrated voice telling him to hurry. Albus loved his sister, he really did, but messing with her was the most entertaining thing he could do in that moment. Eventually though he did climb out of the shower. His hair was sticking to his forehead, though it started to dry itself before long. Albus pulled on fresh clothes-specifically, the Slytherin sweater he'd made Scorpius give him-brushed his teeth, and then strode out of the bathroom with a smirk on his face.  
Scorpius wasn't in his bedroom when he returned. Albus frowned before he realized that Scorpius must just be downstairs eating breakfast. That, he figured, couldn't be a bad thing. He looked unhealthily thin a lot of the time, and Albus was worried he hadn't been eating properly at the start of the holiday. Then he heard the shouting.

He took the stairs two at a time, wondering what on earth all the ruckus was about. When he got downstairs, though, he was greeted with two heads of pale blond hair, one pair of angry grey eyes, and rosy pink cheeks on Scorpius. "-and I don't know what the hell you were thinking taking him out of _my home_ when you know how many threats are against us! He's safe there. And I come home to an _empty_ house with _no note_ and _no son_! I thought he was dead!"

"Draco, calm down, please, you're going to-" Albus' father tried, wanting to calm the man down.

"I will do no such thing! Great savior Potter thinks he can come in and steal my son away from me. Well it's not going to happen. He's _mine_ and you have no say in what I do with him or how we celebrate the holidays or-"

"Father, please," Scorpius said softly, his tone making Albus feel guilty. This was all his fault. "They wanted to help. Let's just go,"

"-putting him in the same room as that terrible son of yours-"

Albus' face burned in shame at that. "Don't you dare speak about my son that way, Malfoy!"

"Father please, Albus is my friend. He's more than my friend. He just wanted to help," Scorpius pleaded, trying to find some way to quench his father's anger.

"Mr. Malfoy, Sir, I'm sorry," Albus said, finally coming into the man's view. "This was all my fault. I thought Scorpius was alone and I didn't want him to have to spend the holiday alone. Please, just don't be angry with him or Dad. No one meant any harm,"

The man's icy stare fixed itself on Albus. "I don't want you anywhere near my son," Draco Malfoy said firmly. "He doesn't need the likes of someone like _you_ tainting him,"

And with that, Draco Malfoy put a hand on his son's arm and they were gone. Albus felt his chest deflate. "Albus-" his mother said, reaching out a hand. Albus just shook his head and ran back up to his room.

"Be ready in five minutes!" Lily called, unaware of what had happened downstairs. "And tell that boyfriend of yours to wake up!"

"I'm not going!" Albus yelled, hurrying to his room and slamming the door shut. He sat down on his bed, trying to understand what had happened. And, more importantly, what Mr. Malfoy had meant when he said, 'Someone like _you'_.


	14. Chapter 14

As soon as they got home, Scorpius decided to barricade himself in his room. He didn't want to talk to his father and it seemed his father really didn't want to talk to him either, because he stormed off to the kitchen while Scorpius ran up the stairs. He hated his father right now, because he'd taken him away from Albus. Albus had been kind and he'd really cared about Scorpius throughout the entire stay. He'd included Albus in everything that his family had done. He'd been ready to include Scorpius that day too, and then his father had ruined it.

Scorpius found himself walking toward his bathroom. He couldn't think clearly; his father had taken any form of control away from him. He'd taken him away from Albus and from the Potters, who were so nice to him as well.

He was surprised to feel tears rolling down his cheeks. Whatever had happened with Albus would certainly be over now. Albus would be upset and think that Scorpius had asked his father to come. Everything was ruined. Of course, Scorpius wasn't sure why he'd expected anything else. Nothing would ever go right for him because he didn't deserve things to go right for him. He wasn't as good as Albus; he wasn't good at all. His chest hurt from sobs that he held inside, because a house elf would hear and then he'd come running. "I hate you," he whispered, unsure if he wanted his father to hear that or if it was supposed to be directed at himself. But he did hate himself. He hadn't even fought back when his father had come; he'd just stood there silently and let his father scream at the Potter family.

Scorpius took his blade and dug it into the pale flesh of his arm. He let out a small gasp of pain; he didn't tend to cut quite that hard. But it felt good at the same time. Going deeper meant that he had more control. He was in control of all of this; he was in control of what happened to him and no one could do anything to stop him. He made another gash in his arm, feeling his stomach clench tightly. This was what he needed to feel better. He was already feeling better; why wouldn't this help?

He did eventually stop the angry slashing and put bandages on his wrists. He wanted these ones to hurt, because he'd ruined everything. He deserved to hurt like he was afraid Albus was. It had taken so much courage for Albus to lean out and kiss him, and Scorpius had basically thrown it back in his face. He would feel them sting and hell, he might even let his father notice the blood on his wrist. Maybe then his father would know that he was feeling _something_. Maybe his father would feel something too?

Scorpius collapsed into bed. He ignored the fact that it was lunch time and just kept lying in bed, miserable. He couldn't even begin to imagine what Albus was thinking or how much he'd be hated.

His father never called him down for lunch. Nor did he get a call down for dinner or a house elf in his room to bring him food. It was as if Scorpius was just forgotten; he figured that was fitting. He wasn't good enough to keep someone like Albus. Albus deserved the world and Scorpius couldn't give it to him.

So he kept cutting himself. Every few minutes he'd pick up his blade and make some new mark on some new part of his body. When he eventually pulled himself out of bed and climbed into the shower, his body stung. He wouldn't heal them properly; he couldn't. He couldn't do it. "I'm alright," he reminded himself, glancing in the mirror after scrubbing his skin raw in the burning shower. "I'm just fine. I'll be just fine without Albus,"

Finally his father sent a house elf to get him. Scorpius refused at first, stating that he was busy and wouldn't be able to come down to dinner. That, of course, didn't go over well. Soon enough he was sitting at the long table in the dining room with his father, staring moodily at a bowl of soup that was placed in front of him. For a little while, they didn't speak. They ate with only the sound of their silverware clinking against their bowls. It was agonizing. Scorpius much preferred the liveliness at the Potter's residence.

"I hate when you're like this," his father finally said. "I did not raise you to act like a moody teenager,"

"Right. Sorry for not being perfect," Scorpius muttered angrily.

"Tone," his father warned. "This is exactly why you shouldn't associate with people like the Potters. They are a terrible influence on you,"

"The Potters? Right, because the savior of the wizarding world and his family are a much worse influence than a _Death Eater_ ," Scorpius snapped. He dropped his spoon to the table and pushed his chair away. "If you'll excuse me, I'll be upstairs,"

" _Sit down_ ," Scorpius just stared at his father, each with an icy glare. "I will not be disrespected by my own son. You left this house, where you were safe. You-"

"You left me alone! At _Christmas_! The first Christmas after-after my mother died," Scorpius shouted. He took a deep breath; he was losing control and that would only upset him. He'd go upstairs and cut into his skin and he knew-he knew-that wasn't a good solution. He'd done it too much in the past few days and he couldn't risk doing it again. He could go too deep and at the moment, he didn't particularly want to die. Death would take him further from Albus than he really wanted to be. Death would be so final and he couldn't handle it. Yes, death would mean an end to every painful thing in life, but it would also mean an end to Albus. And even though he was sure he'd already met his end with Albus, Scorpius needed closure. He needed to see Albus one more time and even if Albus wouldn't look at him, at least Scorpius could see his eyes and his smile and every other thing he was starting to really like.

"I had business to attend to," his father said coldly. "I don't know how you could ever blame me for that. Do you want a roof over your head? Food? Silly things to fill your greedy mind?"

"I want my father to _be_ my father," Scorpius responded, his tone about the same as his father's. He hadn't really said that much in years; he and his father loved each other, he knew that much, but they didn't get along. They just simply didn't; they went through life acting like the other wasn't there, because that was easier than anything else. Scorpius had never let on to how much he wanted his father to actually be a father. He'd never told the man how he wished he would take notice, of how unhappy he'd become or the scars lining his body. But his father wasn't the kind of man who would notice that. His father was too focused on business and not feeling any pain himself. Scorpius could understand; he had found his own way of dealing with pain.

"Well I'm sorry you didn't get-"

"Do you even know?" Scorpius asked, his voice shaking.

"Know what? That Potter's son is a terrible influence on you? That he made you moody and unwilling to cooperate with me? Because yes, Scorpius, I am well aware of that little fact.

"He's a good influence. Do you know why? Because when he was my friend, Father, I ate more,"

"...You ate more. And that's what makes him such a good friend? You ate more?"

"I wasn't eating anything before him. Not anything. You see, because I could control what I ate and I couldn't control any other damn thing in this horrible life that I've been given. And it is horrible, did you know? I have a father who's never around and a dead mother. The only friends I had growing up were the damn house elves because _you_ were a prejudiced arse when you were a kid and no one likes us! The kids at school _hate_ me. Not even the Slytherins like to speak to me. But Albus did. Albus spoke to me. And he helped me. He helped me more than anyone ever had because he _cared._ He could have upset his entire family by bringing me along when I was alone, but he did it anyway because he cared. And when he _kissed_ me, I swear, I...I almost wanted to stop,"

His father stared at him, as if processing his words were getting increasingly hard. "You didn't eat?"

"For Merlin's sake, Father, pay attention to the important parts, will you? That's not important,"

"I think it-What did you want to stop?"

Scorpius stayed quiet. He could admit to not eating, but he wasn't sure he could admit to this. He wasn't sure he could lift up his sleeve and reveal the bloody lines that marked his pale skin. If he couldn't do it for Albus, who cared, why should he do it for a father that didn't?

"Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy if you do not tell me what it is you wanted to stop-" his father started to threaten.

Scorpius glared at his father. He didn't really care, but maybe this would shock him into it? Maybe this would hurt him the way Scorpius had been hurt all these years? "You want to know? Fine," And with that, he pulled his sleeves up to his elbows. He pulled off the red bandages he'd been using to stop the bleeding, because the bandages covered up most of what he'd done to himself.

His forearms were covered in intersecting lines. Some were old, and a pale white color that almost matched his skin. Some were raised and bumpy; others were delicate and hard to see. Others, the more recent ones, were pink and red. They looked raw and painful. And it did hurt, just ripping the bandage away, but Scorpius didn't care. Someone knew; his father knew and he, just like Arabella, couldn't do a damn thing to stop him. "Happy?" Scorpius asked spitefully. He knew it was silly, but he suddenly felt vulnerable. For years this had been his; no one else had known. Now, two others did. And they were judging him; he could see it in his father's eyes.

* * *

Albus Potter refused to leave his bed. It was, apparently, a rather worrying behavior for his family. They knew that Albus and Scorpius were close, but they didn't expect Albus to take the other boy's departure this hard. But that, of course, was not what Albus was upset about.

" _Someone like you._ "

It repeated through his head more often than Albus would have appreciated. What did it mean? He couldn't be certain. There was a chance it was referring to being gay, but even that was a longshot. Mr. Malfoy didn't seem the type of person to care about that. He was more prejudiced against those who weren't purebloods. Albus quickly decided to count out the whole pureblood thing as well. Even those prejudices were old and almost gone in the man. So what was it? Was it simply that he was a Potter? That his father had saved their world and that they hadn't gotten along in Hogwarts? If that was the case, Albus didn't know what he'd do. Scorpius was at home right now with the man. What if Mr. Malfoy was telling Scorpius how bad Albus was...and Scorpius was believing him?

More than that, though, Albus was replaying the kiss they'd shared in his mind. Maybe it was good enough to convince Scorpius to stay with him? To start a relationship with him? Then again, it had also been Albus's first kiss. It had probably been awkward and unpracticed, and Scorpius would want better than that.

He spent most of his usual shopping day with Lily in his room with his pillow over his head so that he wouldn't have to hear his family talking to him through his door. They were all being kind and trying to convince him that it was okay that Scorpius had left, that it was actually a good thing because that meant Scorpius was spending the rest of the holiday with his father and maybe, just maybe, they'd become closer. The broken relationship they'd once had would heal and they could support each other.

But after a good four hours of moping, the lock on his door clicked and someone entered. "Albus," his father said gently. Albus just groaned and held his pillow tighter to his face. He didn't want to hear this. His father was going to repeat what he'd said an hour ago. And if he did, Albus was likely to scream in frustration. It wasn't as simple as they all seemed to think; it never would be. "Albus, I'm sorry. I didn't expect him to come and take Scorpius away either,"

"What does it matter?" Scorpius muttered, though his father couldn't understand the words that came out of the pillow.

"Come again?"

Albus groaned again, dramatically this time, as he moved the pillow off his head. "What does it matter? He probably wrote to his father to come and get him after we kissed because I wasn't good at it. But in my defense it was my first kiss and I...I don't know how to do it well!"

His dad chuckled slightly and came to sit by him on the bed. "I can assure you, Albus, that wasn't the case. Draco came in here demanding to know where his son had gone, because house elves had told him a Potter had come to get him. James went up to get Scorpius and when he saw his father in the family room, he seemed as shocked as the rest of us felt,"

"But-"

"No buts, Albus. Scorpius likes you. I could see on his face that he really didn't want to leave, and that he was worried. Probably for what you'd think if he was just gone,"

"But then why...why wouldn't he try to stay? Why didn't he say something to his father?" Albus asked, sounding small. He felt like a child for being so needy, but, well, he needed his dad.

"Because," his dad said simply. "Would you want to stand up to a man like Draco Malfoy?" Albus could only shake his head. "I doubt his son would either. It's...It's obvious to me, Albus, how much he cares for Scorpius. If he didn't, he wouldn't get so concerned about the threats and come storming into my office every time they received a new one. But he does because he loves his family and he wants them to be safe and happy. He doesn't want his past to affect them,"

"But-"

"Still no buts, Albus. Draco Malfoy loves his son; you'll never convince me otherwise,"

"But I don't understand. I...Why couldn't he just stay with us too? Why did he have to take Scorpius away? And why...why did he have to say such awful things about me?"

It took his dad a bit longer to come up with a good answer for that one. Albus was afraid to hear it; had he been wrong in bringing Scorpius here? Had he really caused that much worry for Mr. Malfoy when he came home? It didn't seem like it. He hadn't even been there for Christmas. "Well, Albus, I...I can't tell you why he said those things about you. I'll definitely be having words with him about it since it happened, but my only guess is that he was so worried about Scorpius that he wanted to attack whoever had taken him away. And as for staying with us, Albus, Draco Malfoy would never do that. He can handle us not fighting but accepting kindness from me? That's a different story entirely,"

Albus frowned deeply. He and Scorpius couldn't spend time with each other because their fathers had been enemies in school. That definitely didn't feel fair. "Okay. Thank you for coming to talk to me. But I'm... I'm going to stay in here today so you can go,"

"Albus…"

"Dad, please? I just...I want to be alone. I want to convince myself that...that I didn't do anything wrong,"

"You didn't," his dad says quickly. "But I'll leave you be for another hour or so. Then you're joining us and we're going to have a nice day together, as a family. Think you can agree to that?"

Albus groaned and rolled his eyes, which he figured was in the typical teenager fashion. Still, it felt appropriate. He really didn't want to go downstairs and join his family; he wanted to stay upstairs and mope and wonder how Scorpius was going at his house and if Scorpius was going to grow to hate him.

Still, after an hour he went downstairs and sat beside their fireplace. His family all made a big show of him, acting like he'd been gone for years rather than hours. Albus finally smiled, which made them all smile too. "Thanks," he said as he glanced at his father. His dad just nodded and smiled, glad that he was out.

They ended up playing various games, and only Albus' favorites in order to cheer him up. By the end of the day he was smiling and laughing like normal, and it made him feel a thousand times better. His family, Albus knew, was amazing. They were kind and they tried to make each other happy when a member was feeling down. His family was perfect; he didn't know what he'd do without them.

Dinner time came around and they sat down together as a family. It was different, noticing that the extra place setting for Scorpius had disappeared, and Albus was reminded that he was gone. They hadn't even discussed where they stood with each other, and he was gone. He got a bit quieter during dinner, remembering what had happened and the words that Mr. Malfoy had said. It was difficult to just get over the words permanently. Albus wouldn't help but feel self-conscious. What if he was a bad influence on Scorpius? After all, he had convinced Scorpius to leave his home during the holidays. He had forced Scorpius into situations he didn't want to be in, just because Albus had been selfish and wanted to spend more time with him.

"Hey," his dad said, bumping his elbow gently. Albus' mother and siblings were locked in a tight debate about the best quidditch teams, and Albus quite frankly didn't care enough about quidditch to participate. "Come with me, yeah? Let's get away from the chatter,"

Albus nodded in agreement and followed his dad away from the table. "Where do you want to-"

But his dad just grabbed his arm; a second later, they were standing in the middle of London. "Fancy a walk? I thought it seemed nice,"

"Give me a moment to throw up, please," Albus said, clutching his stomach. He figured he should be used to apparition by now, but the suddenness of the trip made him a bit queasy. "A little warning would be nice, just for next time,"

His dad just shrugged and pushed him out of the little alley they'd appeared in. "Want to talk about it?"

"Not really," Albus mumbled. "I just...I just want to not be upset about it. I want to forget that it even happened. Because...Because what if Scorpius hates me now? Because I brought him here and I could have caused a problem between him and his father,"

His dad sighed, and Albus nodded slightly. "Look, I know that it may be hard to understand, but something tells me Scorpius and his father already have problems. Maybe this will give them a chance to work out their issues,"

"But what if it doesn't? What if I made everything worse? I just...I didn't want him to spend the holidays alone. I didn't want him to think that no one cared because I do, Dad. I do care about him and I never want him to forget that,"

"I love you," his dad said in response. "I love you so much, did you know? You're incredibly kind, Albus, I think you're a really good person. I'm proud that you're the person you are,"

Albus blushed and rolled his eyes. "Don't be stupid, Dad,"

"I resent that. And I'm still proud of you. I'm sure that everything will be okay,"

Albus nodded, though he wasn't convinced. However, it wasn't too long until he'd see Scorpius again, and hopefully they could talk through what had happened-all of what had happened.


	15. Chapter 15

Scorpius was curled up under the covers of his bed. He had been like that for days, ever since the incident where he'd exposed his arms. Years. He had spent _years_ with those lines marking his body. And now, he could make no more.

His father had been oddly silent through the whole ordeal. He'd simply stormed up to Scorpius' room and summoned his blades. He'd locked them in the study and put a charm on the knives in the kitchen so Scorpius couldn't touch them. He'd done everything in his power to ensure that Scorpius wouldn't harm himself again. And Scorpius resented him for it. Cutting himself had been his only way to control anything. Now he had nothing. He had nothing; no Albus, no blades, and no feeling much of anything.

His father would sit in his room during meals until Scorpius had eaten everything on his plate. A house elf always came into his room for an hour afterward to make sure he didn't throw up or find some rusty nail to cut himself with. He was told it was all for the best, and that he'd get better. But Scorpius didn't believe that; he couldn't. He'd been this way for years; he wasn't suddenly going to get better. The world didn't work like that, at least not for people like him.

So he'd made up his mind. He was _done_. He was done with this life and the people that hated him. With uncertainty and the pain of emptiness. He was just done. He was going to end it all.

Scorpius knew he was a burden on Albus and his father, and everyone else that had to deal with him. And besides; when he died, his world would just stop. He wouldn't bother anyone anymore and he could just sleep, forever. It would be peaceful. He would finally be peaceful.

Really, the only hesitation was figuring out how he would do it. He couldn't use blades or anything to cut into his skin. He couldn't take a poison because no one in their right mind would keep poison in the house. If he tried to turn his wand against himself, it wouldn't work. He was at a loss. He wanted to go so badly but he didn't know how. Scorpius, quite frankly, just felt stupid because of it. He couldn't even kill himself properly; what kind of person couldn't do that?

Eventually though, he realized that his father left at eight sharp and didn't return until lunch, when he felt the need to watch Scorpius eat. The house elf that was stationed in his room would leave around nine, an hour and a half after breakfast. With his father and the watchful house elf gone, he only had to deal with the ones who were cleaning. They weren't allowed to leave the house; all they could do was call for his father to come back, and it would take time for them to notice he was even gone. Scorpius guessed me might have twenty minutes. Twenty minutes was enough time to get to the muggle world, where his father wouldn't even think to look for him. Dying in some alley wasn't exactly how he imagined it, but it would do just fine.

It was a Wednesday, a little after nine, when Scorpius sneaked down to the sitting room. The house elves were busy cleaning, because Wednesday was the deep cleaning day even though the house didn't actually need it. It really only ever needed a good dusting.

Scorpius stopped to pick up an old picture. It was of his family when he was six years old; he was grinning in front of his parents, who looked proud and pleased with something. He missed being six years old. At that point, he'd hardly even noticed that there was something wrong with him. After a minute he put the picture back down and stepped into the fireplace. He whispered, "Diagon Alley," and threw down a handful of powder and was swept away. He stepped out, of course, in The Leaky Cauldron. No one paid him much attention, though Scorpius was used to it. No one really paid him any attention when it really mattered.

But then he saw Albus. He was sitting in the pub with his siblings and cousins, and they were all laughing. They were happy and for a moment, Scorpius just stopped to watch. This, he knew, was a good thing. Albus was happy and whole without him. Which meant that when Scorpius was gone, Albus wouldn't even miss him. " _Bloody hell, man, get out of the way_!"

It was a large man who shoved him away from the fireplace. Scorpius hadn't been expecting the push and went stumbling into a table in front of him. "I'm-sorry, I'm so sorry, I just-"

"Scorpius?" He froze. He would recognize Albus' voice anywhere. "Oh my-I can't believe you're here. What are the chances? How are you?" Albus had moved over to him; Scorpius was shaking slightly. He hadn't planned for this. Talking to Albus would slow him down and give his father time to find him, and then he wouldn't get to disappear.

"I'm-I'm fine. I've got to go though; I'm in a bit of a hurry,"

"You-You don't hate me now, do you?" Albus asked, sounding almost afraid.

Scorpius shook his head immediately. "No. No, I could never hate you. I just really do have to go,"

Albus blushed and nodded. "Right. Of course. I'll see you back at school though, right? And maybe sooner if we can get together?" Scorpius only nodded. Because no; the next time Albus would see him, Scorpius would be dead.

Scorpius forced himself to walk away. He had to leave or else he would never be able to follow through with his plan. And he had to do that; it was the only thing that would bring him the peace he so desperately needed.

For almost twenty minutes he wandered around muggle London. He'd come this far only to realize that he didn't actually know how to die. He didn't want to be in pain, because he was weak. He just wanted to be done. He wanted to disappear. It took him a while to realize that he should just go to a pharmacy. They would surely have medicine that could do the trick. So he walked around until he found one and went inside, going straight to a friendly looking woman behind the counter. "Well hello there," she said cheerfully. "Do you have a prescription or something you'd like to ask about?"

Scorpius blinked. "I...No, I just need the strongest medicines you have here,"

The woman frowned at him. "I'm afraid that without a prescription I can't-"

His hands started to shake. Before he could think straight, he pulled out his wand. "Just give it to me!"

The woman eyed the thin stick warily. "Look, I don't know what you've taken, but I'm sure I can help you get it out o-"

He wasn't entirely sure how it happened. One second he was just standing there, confused and scared. The next, he'd stunned the woman and hopped over the counter. There were others back there, so Scorpius stunned all but one of them too. "Give me the strongest things you have. Now, please!"

The man just nodded, scared as well, and started to dig through the various bottles. After about three minutes, he handed Scorpius the medicines. "T-Thank you," he mumbled, relief filling his mind. It would only be a matter of time now and he'd be at peace. "I didn't...I didn't hurt them. They'll all be fine, I promise,"

He got back to the front and ran, as fast as he could for as long as he could. Scorpius heard sirens, and he knew that the man had probably called the police. After all, he realized, he had just robbed a drug store. "Wonderful," he mumbled to himself as he ducked into an alley. "Now I'm a criminal. A criminal who's attacked muggles,"

He knew the ministry would hear of the offense. As soon as the report came in they would know about it and they'd come looking for it. Scorpius could only hope that at that point, it would be too late for him. He hadn't done all of this just to be saved from death. He wanted to die. He wanted his peace.

Scorpius lost track of time as he sat, shivering in the alley and waiting for the drugs to take affect. He just wanted to be done, but nothing seemed to be happening. After a while longer, though, he found himself staring at Albus and his father. Scorpius was confused; he didn't know what they'd be doing together. He noticed his heart racing then, and the fact that breathing seemed a bit harder. "Go away," Scorpius said, his voice slurred as he held his wand up to the blurry images. They were just staring at him; they wouldn't speak. "Go away; let me die in peace; please, l-let me die…" He made a slashing movement with his wand, and sparks immediately flew.

He blinked, his eyelids feeling heavy. He wanted to go to sleep. Was this what it felt like? Was he almost done?

Then he heard the cracks. They were all around him and Scorpius couldn't help but shout, terrified. He was surrounded by men; he couldn't tell if it was real or not. Then he heard, "Scorpius? Scorpius what are you doing out here? Did you-Please tell me you didn't attack those muggles. I will never hear the end of it if you did," Scorpius knew that voice. How did he know that voice? He couldn't remember. "Scorpius? Are you feeling alright? Care to tell us what you think you were doing? We've had to erase those muggles memories, and it wasn't easy to replace that medicine you took. Everything's covered up, we just need to know why and figure out a fitting punishment. Nothing too harsh; I'll make sure of that myself,"

A person knelt in front of him. The face was blurry but it looked like Albus. Scorpius managed a small smile as he continued to breathe shallowly. He was going to die seeing Albus. It felt right, considering Albus was the only person to truly care about him. "I'm tired, Albus," Scorpius whispered, his eyes closing again. He was exhausted; had it been this hard to breathe before? " 'M sorry I didn't tell you. That I kissed you back. Was wrong,"

"Scorpius?" The voice that wasn't Albus' seemed more worried now. "Scorpius, what happened? Are you okay?"

"Mr. Potter," another voice said. "The pill bottles, Sir. They're all empty,"

Scorpius' head started to droop down to his chest. Albus' dad-he was sure that was who was kneeling in front of him-hit his cheek a couple of times. "Scorpius what happened to all of that medicine? Scorpius? _Scorpius, answer me_ ,"

But Scorpius was too tired. He was exhausted and the better solution, in his mind, was to just close his eyes and go to sleep. As he did, his breathing came to a halt.

* * *

Albus Potter was having a spectacular day. He'd gone out with Lily, James, Rose, and Hugo, and they'd all had a wonderful time. They'd made fun of Rose for practically buying out the entire new selection of books at Flourish and Blotts. They'd enjoyed butterbeer and a lovely conversation in The Three Broomsticks. And Scorpius had been there! He'd seemed in an awful hurry but Albus assumed he was late for something. More importantly than Scorpius just being there, though, Albus had learned that Scorpius didn't hate him. When they got back to Hogwarts, Albus might be able to have his first real relationship with a person he truly cared about.

Things were definitely starting to look up. After Diagon Alley they went to their grandparents' house in order to skate on a pond and ride broomsticks around for a quidditch match. For the first time since Scorpius disappeared during the holidays, Albus felt completely at ease. He even let himself have real fun, not just the fake fun he'd been managing while he hadn't known the state of Scorpius' feelings toward himself. It was, he thought, one of the best days he'd had all break. It couldn't live up to Christmas with Scorpius or the kiss, but Albus thought it came pretty close.

They stayed with their grandparents for most of the day, actually. Albus didn't know exactly what had happened, but someone had gone around stunning muggles and they figured it was best to stay in an out-of-the-way spot. That way when their dad came-he always came on Wednesdays, because Albus' uncle Ron insisted on degnoming the garden on Wednesdays, even in winter when they only found one or two a month, and Albus' father always helped out.

So when his uncle Ron came and not his dad, Albus started to worry. His father obviously would have gone after the person stunning muggles, but what if he'd been hurt? Contrary to popular belief, his father wasn't invincible. He could be hurt just like everyone else. "Uncle Ron?" Albus asked, following his uncle out to the gardens again. "Do you know where my dad is? He's usually here by now,"

His uncle shrugged. "Last I heard he was helping some kid-no one would give much information about it. He said he'd have to miss tonight. Want to take his place?"

Albus, seeing no way out, agreed begrudgingly. He spent the next hour searching for any sign of a gnome even though he knew they wouldn't find one. His cousins were laughing from inside, Albus knew they were. But his grandma would probably give him some kind of sweet for this, and Albus would get to hold it over their heads.

They stayed through dinner too, because their mother showed up around six. She looked worried, Albus noticed, and she wouldn't make eye contact with him. Had his marks in classes slipped a bit? Even if they had, why would they elicit that response from her?

He decided to corner her as they set the table for dinner. "You know," he said slowly, feeling awkward. Albus adored his mother; she was strong and kind and an amazing person, altogether. Still, Albus had always just worked better with his father. "Dad never got the best marks in school. Uncle Ron didn't either. If mine slipped I'm sorry and I'll work on them, but you don't have to give me the cold shoulder,"

Albus knew he sounded a bit hurt. To his surprise, his mother set the plates down and came to hug him tightly. "Oh, Honey," she whispered. "Your marks are just fine. I've...been off today, that's all. I love you so very much, okay? So very, very much,"

That, he figured, was definitely weird. "You sure you're alright? You're acting weird,"

"I'm fine," his mother said, smiling at him sadly. Albus couldn't help but feeling like she knew something he didn't, something that was big. However, she looked sad. Albus didn't want to bring up whatever it was and have her look more sad, so he figured it was best to keep quiet.

His grandmother grilled him throughout dinner about where Scorpius was. Albus just smiled sadly and admitted that he'd gone back home, but that he had really enjoyed his time with their family. He figured that much was at least true; Scorpius hadn't really complained about them too much. "Well that's good at least," she said, smiling and relaxing back into her chair. "He was much too skinny. You'll have to bring him back, Albus, because he needs fed like all boys do. Not something that will keep him all skin and bones!"

Albus just chuckled and said, "Believe me, I've been trying to get him to eat more ever since we became friends. If I can't do it, I'm sure you're the only one who can,"

She just smiled and laughed. "Well, lucky for you both, I'm going to try. Surely it can't be healthy to be that small,"

Albus shrugged. As long as he'd known Scorpius, the other boy had been thin. Albus was half convinced it was just in his family's nature. Still, he thought Scorpius could benefit from a bit more food in him. Maybe that would help him to not be so pale? Then again, paleness seemed to run in the family too.

They moved on from the subject, though Albus glanced at his mother to see her looking concerned. After dinner and cleaning up, she encouraged them all to go home. Albus, who wasn't used to his mother acting so strangely, decided to just do as she wished. That way he wouldn't risk making her angry, because he was still afraid he'd done something to irritate her. If that wasn't the case, why couldn't she look at him?

Albus went to his room when they returned home. He'd gotten a new book at Flourish and Blotts as well, and figured that he could at least get a start on the book. It was an advanced charms book. Albus, who found anything to do with magic fascinating, had picked it up immediately upon entry to the store. He felt a bit like Rose, shutting himself in his room to read, but then again it was better than doing nothing and he did enjoy reading, on occasion.

At some point he drifted off to sleep. It was probably a combination of his grandmother's amazing cooking and the relaxation of just reading a book, but soon enough he was out. And he dreamed pleasantly as well. He dreamed of more kisses with Scorpius and returning to Hogwarts to focus on studying and passing his end of year exams. He dreamed of riding a broom through the air, completely at peace. They were, Albus thought, dreams he could use more of on a regular basis. They made him not want to wake up.

Which is why, at two in the morning, he was quite grumpy to be shaken awake. For starters, he'd gone to bed early which meant he probably only had another three or four hours of sleep left in him. Secondly, because he'd been in the middle of a rather fantastic kiss with dream-Scorpius and Albus was definitely not prepared for it to end.

"What do you want?" he groaned, wanting to pull pillows over his face.

"Albus, we need to go," It was his father. Albus couldn't even begin to fathom where they would need to go at two on Thursday morning, and he tried to express as much with an irritated moan and by shoving his head under a pillow. "Albus, please, we need to go. We need to get to the hospital,"

His ears definitely perked up at that. "Hospital?" he asked, worried suddenly. His grandparents were getting on in years; what if they'd gotten sick? Albus didn't even want to think about it. "Is it my grandparents?"

"What?" his dad asked, shaking his head distractedly. "No. It's...Just come with me, please, Albus. Just please come with me,"

"Dad, who is it?" Albus demanded, not wanting to get out of bed without the name being said. If it was some distant family member or his dreadful great uncle, Albus wouldn't really care. "I won't get out of bed unless you-"

"Scorpius,"

Albus sat up, his eyes wide. He didn't even know what to say. "Scorpius? _My_ Scorpius?" His father nodded in response. "Okay. I'm...Okay. I'm getting out of bed. Is he okay?"

"I...I don't know. When I left, they were still...I just don't know,"

"What happened?"

"I...I think that might need to wait. Just...Just try to stay calm. You have to stay calm," his father said. Then he grabbed Albus' arm and a moment later, they'd left his comfortable bedroom for the eeriness of a hospital.


	16. Chapter 16

Darkness, Scorpius decided, was something he needed more of in his life. When it was dark he could sleep. His brain turned off and he didn't feel any pain. He didn't remember what made the darkness happen, but Scorpius wasn't going to pass it up. He was happy. He was peaceful. _Finally._

The last thing he remembered was Harry Potter hitting his cheek and yelling at him to keep his eyes open. Scorpius had let them flutter for a few seconds, but they were too heavy to keep that up for long. He was exhausted; he'd spent years being exhausted and not even the great Harry Potter was enough to keep him awake. Now, if it had been Albus, Scorpius would have tried a bit harder. He would have wanted to stare into Albus' brilliant green eyes. They might have been worried, but they would still belong to Albus. That, however, was not what Scorpius got. He got Albus' father, and while the green eyes were similar, it just wasn't the same. He didn't feel the need to fight to look at him.

Why, though, did he have to fight in the first place? He couldn't remember. He'd been unhappy, and upset with his father. He remembered waking up and sneaking out of the house and seeing Albus at The Leaky Cauldron, but then it went blank. He remembered being panicked. He remembered a sense of urgency for whatever it was he was going to do; it had needed to happen as soon as possible. He was probably late for whatever it was now. After all, he was in the dark. He was drifting along and he was peaceful and that, Scorpius decided, was better than being full of hurt.

He heard shouting in the distance. Scorpius frowned; he didn't know why anyone would shout at him and try to ruin his darkness, but he knew he didn't like that they were. This was his; why were they trying to shout at him? And he knew it was at him, because they were shouting his name. Why did everyone sound angry when they shouted his name? These people, whoever they were, sounded furious. They had to be angry with him. Perhaps he was invading on their territory, whatever their territory was? Perhaps they just didn't like him because he was a Malfoy?

Whatever it was, the shouting was giving him a headache. Scorpius tried to move his hands to cover his ears, but he couldn't get them to lift up to his head. That, he decided, was definitely odd. He didn't know what would make his arms unable to be moved. Unless… Unless he was dead. Was he dead? How did he die? Scorpius couldn't remember.

For some reason, the thought of being dead didn't fill him with fear like Scorpius was sure it should have. He didn't feel his heart skip a beat and he didn't scream, panicked. No; being dead was perfect. It was exactly what he needed to keep the peace. Besides, if this was life after death, Scorpius could handle it. It was nice in the darkness. He didn't want to leave it because who knew would happen then? Would he completely cease to exist? Life wasn't as bad when he wasn't actually living.

But what if he woke up? Now that was the thought that freaked him out. He could easily wake up in some hospital bed with his father standing over him, furious. Malfoys weren't supposed to show weakness like this. Malfoy's were always strong and Scorpius had, once again, let the entire bloodline down by being himself. He would ruin everything his father had worked years to rebuild by waking up after what happened.

Scorpius tried to shake his head to clear the thoughts. He was going to stay in the darkness; it was safe there and he didn't have to feel afraid.

Then, of course, he remembered. He remembered holding a wand to a muggle's chest and stunning the whole lot of them in the drug store. He remembered running through the freezing January air until he'd found an alley that he thought was secluded enough. He remembered opening the bottles of pills and swallowing them methodically, trying not to think about the implications of what he was doing. He remembered the waiting and the cold seeping into his bones until the various medicines began to take effect. His heart had sped up, he was fairly sure he'd hallucinated, and breathing had gotten a thousand times harder.

Scorpius, despite his love of his dark place, wanted to know if he was still laying in the alley. Had he hallucinated Harry Potter just like he'd hallucinated Albus? That meant he was lying dead in an alley. His skin would be pale white and freezing to touch. How long would it be before someone found him? And who would find him?

"Questions for the living," Scorpius whispered to himself. The darkness seemed inviting again. He wanted to forget again, about everything. "I'm not there. I don't deserve to be there,"

Scorpius closed his eyes again, content to stay in the dark.

Time passed. Scorpius wasn't sure how much, but he could feel it inching along beside him. Time would never stop; it would keep going forever. Scorpius found the sensation of it passing him by quite interesting. Not as interesting as, say, a kiss from Albus, but a close second.

He wondered if it had been years yet. He felt like he'd been asleep for years, yet somehow he was still tired. He just wanted to go back to sleep again and forget again. Things were better when he could just forget and rest peacefully, something no one seemed to really want to let him do. At least not normally. Everyone wanted something from him, even if it was just to be rude to him.

The darkness, he noticed, was shifting as well. It had gone from pitch black to an incredibly dark gray. Scorpius didn't know why that would be, but he decided not to question it. The gray sky didn't mean anything different was happening.

The voices had stopped shouting by now. Scorpius could hear murmuring of familiar voices, but that wasn't enough to startle him. After all, he was dead wasn't he? He was going to stay that way because people didn't tend to come back from the dead.

"Why?" Scorpius heard that clear as day. It was too loud in his head, which he soon realized was pounding. He didn't know who was speaking or who was near him, but he knew it made him jump. How could someone be with him in his death? He was gone from the world. Unless all dead souls traveled together? Perhaps that was why he heard shouting earlier. People were mad they'd had to share death with him. "I just...I don't understand. Why, Scorpius? _Why?_ "

He didn't answer, of course. The voice would figure it out soon enough. Scorpius had wanted to be dead; he remembered that now. He'd wanted an end from all of the pain he'd felt in his life. He wanted to maybe even see his mother again. Scorpius couldn't see much of anything but the gray color, but it had still been worth a shot. His mother had always loved him more than his father, so she wouldn't be too mad to see him again. Still, she wasn't there, which was slightly disheartening.

He heard the question from before repeated again, this time in a different voice. A broken voice. Was that his mother? No, it couldn't possibly be. The voice he'd heard was male.

The why, now that he remembered what he'd done, was fairly simple. He was tired; he'd been tired for years. He'd fought for so long. He'd gone years trying to convince himself that there were other ways toward power, toward people liking him. But none of his reasons were right; they didn't get him the same satisfaction or treatment as other people. Because he was Scorpius Malfoy, son of a Death Eater, who was as evil as his father. No one bothered to look past the scowling exterior he forced himself to have. Instead, they focused on his surname.

He hadn't been happy. He hadn't wanted to go on. He'd wanted an end to the deep pain he'd felt in his chest every day since he'd turned thirteen. And this had been his only way out.

He told himself this was for the best. Albus would move on from him and he would be happy. His father wouldn't have to deal with a disappointment of a son, because Scorpius knew exactly what he was and that was it. He was a disappointment. Scorpius tried to dive deeper into the darkness, but for some reason it only kept getting lighter. Maybe it was just showing him the passing of days? Scorpius certainly hoped that was the case. He wasn't sure he could handle anything but the comfortable silence and sleep.

* * *

The first thing Albus noticed was that they weren't in St. Mungos. The people running around looked like the doctors he'd seen on television, not on the few occasions he'd had to actually go to the wizarding hospital. That struck him as odd; the Malfoys were one of the oldest pureblooded families, and yet they were in a hospital in the middle of London, being taken care of by muggles? Albus never would have thought that would happen. After all, Mr. Malfoy could barely stand muggles in the first place.

"Dad what are we doing here? Scorpius won't be here, he'll be at St.-"

"I didn't know where else to take him," his father answered hurriedly. "St. Mungos would mean it was all over the Daily Prophet in the morning. And they don't tend to deal with cases like this. I thought...I thought this was best. I thought…" his dad trailed off and Albus turned to glance at him. He looked scared. His father, savior of their world, was scared by whatever had brought Scorpius here in the first place.

"Was he attacked?" Albus asked softly. He knew that there were people who wanted to hurt the Malfoys. Perhaps Scorpius had been out and about and someone had tried to kill him? The thought made Albus want to throw up.

"No," his father answered, still leading him through the halls of the busy hospital. Somehow, his answer didn't make Albus feel any better.

Eventually they got to a room. There were two aurors positioned at the door, though nurses moved past them like they weren't even there. Albus assumed the muggles couldn't see them. "Sir," one said as Albus and his father approached the door. "Mr. Malfoy is inside, as is the Minister. No one has approached besides the muggles,"

"Thank you, Evans," his father said, sounding tired and worried all at the same time. "I'll bring you both something to eat when I'm done here; it's been a long night,"

"Thank you, Sir,"

Albus found the exchange rather awkward; his dad was always more formal when he was working. Albus preferred the relaxed nature to this one. Still, he kept quiet about his feelings in order to enter the room. And when he did, he was confused. That _wasn't_ Scorpius. That wasn't him; it couldn't possibly be him. This Scorpius looked pale and small, lying on a bed. His eyes had deep purple bags around them and his mouth was a permanent frown. That wasn't his Scorpius. His Scorpius was thin and pale, yes, and tired, but he looked more lively. He was happy, sometimes, or at least whenever Albus saw him he tended to get happier.

And then he noticed the arms. Albus inhaled sharply, which made Mr. Malfoy and his aunt turn to look at him. "I-I don't-"

Mr. Malfoy turned away to stare at Scorpius again. Albus noticed that he had what looked like tear stains on his cheeks. "Harry, why did you bring him?" his aunt Hermione asked, sounding irritated and worried at the same time. "He doesn't need to see this. He-"

"Is very quickly falling for the boy on that bed. Albus cares about him, Hermione. Draco, he cares,"

There was silence for what felt like a few moments, and then Albus heard Mr. Malfoy say, "I know,"

That seemed to settle things; his father led him closer to the bed so that Albus could see Scorpius closer up. He didn't want to look and see the lines all over Scorpius' skin. How had he not known they were there? What were they? "What happened to his arms? Did-Who did this to him? I thought you said he didn't get attacked," Albus said, looking at his dad and feeling incredibly small. It was like he was a child again, when they'd gone to see his uncle Charlie after he was hurt by a dragon.

"Albus," his dad said slowly, "I brought you here for a reason. Did you know? Did you know what he was planning to do, or what he had been doing?"

"I don't even know what he's _done_ so obviously I didn't!" Albus protested. "I...I knew that he was upset sometimes. He didn't always eat well but he did when I was there. And...And he ran a lot, outside Hogwarts, but he stopped that too after we got closer. That's all I know, I swear. What happened to him?"

Throughout the story his father told him, Mr. Malfoy was silent. Scorpius had robbed a drug store. He'd taken every bit of medicine he could and, when Albus' dad found him, Scorpius was already fading away. He'd done this to himself. He'd tried to kill himself. And all of the lines on his arms were places where he'd taken something sharp to his own skin and cut into himself.

Albus wanted to throw up. He wanted to have Scorpius pop away and promise that it was all one big joke and that they were pranking him. He wanted Scorpius to remove whatever magic was creating the scars on his arms and to make his face seem normal. He wanted him to smile and promise that he was okay, that he'd never tried to commit suicide, that Albus was too gullible. But that didn't happen. Scorpius stayed in the bed, unmoving, something helping him to breathe-he'd stopped breathing, too-and so, so pale.

So Albus ran. He ran as quickly as he could out of the room and down the hall of the hospital, because that was all he could think to do. Scorpius was lying there, having tried to kill himself. He could still die. He left Albus alone without a second thought. _How could he_?

He was just outside the front door of the hospital when his father caught up to him. He stuck an arm around Albus' waist to stop him from running, and Albus shouted in frustration. " _Let me go! Just let me go!_ " He was crying; when had he started crying?

"Albus," his dad said gently. "Albus, calm down. Take a breath, okay? You have to keep breathing,"

But Albus didn't want to breathe. He wanted to keep running and forget what he'd seen. He wanted to go back in time, to whenever Scorpius had planned this, and shake sense into him. He wanted to go home and cry to his mother, because she would hold him and smooth his hair and promise that everything would be alright.

He crumpled against his father, tears falling down his cheeks. For a few minutes they stayed like that, and Albus tried to pretend that this wasn't about Scorpius. That he was dreaming; maybe he was dreaming? And he would write Scorpius when he woke up and Scorpius would reply and things would be okay?

But it wasn't a dream. He was reminded when he heard the sharp sirens of an ambulance approaching. He was reminded when he looked on his dad's face and saw nothing but worry and fear. "It's going to be okay," his dad whispered, pulling Albus into a hug when he'd started to support himself again. "Somehow, Albus, it will be okay,"

It took a few more minutes for Albus to get collected enough to go back inside. He was worried about facing Mr. Malfoy after having run out like he did, but hopefully the man wouldn't care? Albus knew he probably would, but he had to hope for the best.

They ended up back inside Scorpius' room-it was weird to think of the hospital room like that. It was Scorpius'. It belonged to him now, him and his sadness and pain that Albus had been blind enough to miss. "You made him happy, you know," Mr. Malfoy said when they entered. "He was better with you,"

The man sounded broken, and Albus didn't know how to help him. So he just nodded and approached Scorpius again. Maybe if Albus grabbed his hand he would wake up? The idea felt too good to be true, but Albus grabbed the pale hand anyway. Nothing happened. "Why?" he whispered, "I just...I don't understand. Why, Scorpius. _Why_?"

Of course there was no response. Albus let go of the pale hand and backed away, settling on the floor by the wall. He would stay there all day if he had to. He would stay there until Scorpius woke up and then he would kiss the hell out of that boy. And maybe then Scorpius would have a reason to stay.

Albus hoped so, at least.

But hours passed, and nothing changed. Scorpius stayed in bed, not awake but not truly sleeping. Albus was shocked Mr. Malfoy hadn't asked they move to St. Mungos yet-he had a feeling Mr. Malfoy was in too much shock to think of moving. He could lose his wife and his son and less than six months; it was enough to shock anyone.

Albus was curled up in a chair that his father had stretched to be more comfortable. His father was there too; Albus assumed he was taking personal responsibility for this since he'd been the one to find Scorpius. His aunt Hermione had left, only after making his dad promise to let her know when Scorpius woke up. Technically he had committed a crime in the process of all this, and they weren't sure how to go about a punishment, or if they'd even need to.

Albus spent his time wondering. He wondered if this was what Scorpius really wanted. Did he really want to die? To just disappear and leave them all behind?

" _Why?_ " Albus mumbled again. His voice wasn't loud enough for anyone else to take notice. "Why couldn't I be enough for you? A reason to stay?"

Again, there was no answer. Albus felt his heart sink. Shouldn't Scorpius be awake by now, if he was going to wake up at all? If he wasn't awake, Albus was afraid that meant he was gone forever.


	17. Chapter 17

The only thing he could think of was despair. Despair and shame. He wasn't gone. _How_? How the hell had he managed to escape death when he'd brought it upon himself? It just wasn't right. It wasn't right; he should get to be dead. He wanted to be dead. He didn't want to wake up and see his father in front of him, or Mr. Potter there to-to what, exactly? Arrest him? He had robbed a drug store and attacked muggles, after all. Scorpius wondered if he could get sent to Azkaban for that. And while he was there, could he convince another inmate to kill him so that he wouldn't have to be alive?

His head hurt. It pounded and sometimes drowned out the different voices of whoever was in the room. Scorpius refused to open his eyes and actually see who was there because he couldn't stand the thought of waking up. His darkness was gone; he missed it desperately. He missed the peace and the finality of it all.

But he had to go to the bathroom. He'd been holding that for about an hour, when he first realized that he was, in fact, alive. Scorpius was going to forever hate Harry Potter for making him live. He should have been left to rot in that alley; that was all he deserved in life. He should have been a treat for rats. But instead he was alive, his head hurt, and he really, really had to use the toilet.

So he cracked an eye open. He wanted to see who was in the room and how close the bathroom was so he could run to it. If he was lucky there would be a mirror there and he could smash it and end it all by slicing into his wrists. They surely wouldn't be able to save him then.

The first person he saw was Albus. Albus was sitting in a chair staring at him, studying his arms for some odd reason. Scorpius realized they were bare; he couldn't help but blush. _Lovely_. Albus knew everything now, didn't he. That was not something Scorpius needed or could handle. After a moment though, Albus' brilliant green eyes met his one that he'd kept cracked open. Before Scorpius could think to shut it, he saw Albus' face fill with relief. Relief, and then anger, confusion, and hurt. Scorpius wanted to look away but he couldn't, not from Albus' eyes.

"Mr. Malfoy," Albus said, his voice even though almost hoarse. Scorpius couldn't imagine why. "Mr. Malfoy, he's...Scorpius is…"

His father quickly came into view. He looked like he'd walked through hell, but hell had spit him back out again for further torment. His hair was disheveled. His clothes, which were always neat and perfectly in place, were wrinkled and there was even a stain on his shirt. His face looked sad and worried all at the same time. And there was concern. There was concern for him. His father looked almost like he cared. "Scorpius?" he said quietly, as if it was too good to be true, his being awake. "Scorpius, I'm…" He trailed off and came to sit on Scorpius' bed and Scorpius felt someone grab his hand. "I'm sorry,"

Hell, Scorpius was sure, was freezing over. His father was sorry. _Sorry_! His father was actually sorry? Sorry for what, exactly, not caring, not noticing, not being a real father? "I never meant for this to happen. I...I don't handle things well. I've made mistakes. And then I almost lost you, so soon after losing your mother, and I...I can't...I don't want to imagine a world without both of you,"

"I have to go to the bathroom," was the first thing Scorpius thought to say. He sounded bitter and angry and it made everyone in the room wince. His throat hurt too, though he couldn't tell why. It felt raw, like something had been rubbing against it.

"You...You have to leave the door open," his father said. "I'm sorry. It's the rule,"

Scorpius stared at him in horror. Leave the door open? Where everyone could see him? "I won't try and-"

"I'm not sure I can trust that right now," his father answered, sounding more firm than before.

Scorpius frowned. He'd try another demand. "I want a shirt with sleeves,"

"Scorpius-"

"I don't...I want everyone to stop staring," he said, trying to sound like he was pleading instead of demanding.

"Mr. Malfoy," It was Albus; Scorpius knew his voice. "If I come with Scorpius to the bathroom, could he close the door? I would make sure he's okay. I would turn the other way so I didn't see anything," he added, probably more for Scorpius' own benefit than anyone else's.

"I'll take that," Scorpius said immediately. He didn't know what made him do it. "Please,"

His father simply nodded and helped to get him out of bed. Scorpius' legs were shaking something terrible, and he frowned at them, wishing they would just work normally. Albus put a hand on his arm and Scorpius found himself leaning into the other boy for support. "We won't be long," Albus promises as they make they way to the small bathroom.

Scorpius, instead of going to the bathroom like he wanted to, sank to the floor once the door was closed. He put his face in his hands and muttered, "You don't have to stay,"

"I want answers," Albus' voice sounded hard.

"I don't want to give them," Scorpius retorted, frowning.

"Scorpius, you don't make the rules anymore. Do you hear me? You tried to leave and you hurt yourself, and it's not happening anymore. It's not. I will not allow it,"

"You can't control me, Albus. I have blades slashed away at school and there I can do whatever I want to _my_ wrists, or legs, or stomach, or-"

He chanced a glance up at Albus, who looked horrified. "There are more?"

Scorpius nodded, suddenly feeling ashamed and small. Albus was horrified by him; of course he would be. Scorpius was horrifying; his skin was that of a monster's and no one would ever want to touch him again. "I'm...I'm sorry,"

Albus shook his head. He took a deep breath, one that sounded shaky as well, and sat down by Scorpius. "I won't pretend to like it," Albus said softly. "I won't ever pretend to like it. But I...I want to help. I want to help you get better,"

"You don't want to leave?"

"Leave? No. Definitely not. I'm...I'm not going to leave just because of this. I wouldn't ever leave you after this. I just want to help, Scorpius," Albus said softly.

Scorpius stared at his hands as Albus reached over and grabbed one. "You want to stay," Scorpius said to recap, "Because…"

"Because I really, really like you," Albus said softly. "And I'm not going anywhere," Albus sent him a small smile that Scorpius managed to return. He didn't feel like smiling, not at a time like this, but Albus always made him want to smile.

Then, of course, Scorpius froze. It seemed the only logical thing to do when Albus carefully traced the lines on his wrist. "Can I know why? Why you did this?"

"C-Control," Scorpius mumbled softly. "I wanted to control something," Albus nodded slowly, and Scorpius watched the large frown on his face. "I'm sorry," Scorpius said again, shame content to bubble up in his chest. "I'm sorry. I should have stayed away from you; I shouldn't have made you deal with a problem like this. I'm sorry,"

"It's alright," Albus promised. "I mean, doing this is not alright, but I'm...I'm going to help you make sure it never happens again. Okay?"

Scorpius nodded. For a few moments they just sat together, Albus once again studying the lines on his arms. "Albus? I...I really do have to go to the bathroom,"

"Oh!" Albus said, surprised. He seemed to have forgotten what they were doing there in the first place. "Oh, right. I'm sorry. I'll stare at the door and you can do whatever it is you need to do,"

Scorpius nodded, embarrassed and confused. Albus hated the lines on his arms. But he wasn't mad about them; he was sad? Scorpius couldn't understand why Albus would be upset by them. They were what they were; they were control and relief. Scorpius knew it was bad to cut into himself, but how could he stop himself when he couldn't control anything else?

When they exited the bathroom, it was to a tense silence. Scorpius wondered if his father had been arguing with Mr. Potter, because that seemed like exactly the kind of thing they would do. "Albus, I think it's about time we get home," Mr. Potter said. He still sounded worried; Scorpius couldn't tell why.

"No," Albus said firmly. "I'm not leaving him. He's only just woken up. It's not right,"

"I think you should go," Scorpius' father chimed in, which made Scorpius fix him with a cold glare. He didn't want anyone but Albus, because Albus wasn't spending every second judging him for what he'd done.

"Mr. Malfoy, please, I-" Albus tried, but Scorpius saw his father shake his head simply and sigh heavily. "Scorpius…"

"I won't try and off myself again, if that's what you're asking," He sounded angry; why did he sound angry? He meant to comfort Albus and make him see that leaving was okay. After all, Scorpius had tried to leave him so Albus leaving in return was only fair. "Just go," He sounded harsh. He watched as Albus stared at him, unsure of what to do. But after a few moments of hesitation, Albus nodded his head. He walked to his father and they left together, without looking back.

"Scorpius-" his father tried.

"I didn't want to wake up. _Why_ did you make me wake up?"

He slumped on to his bed, feeling like he was going to cry and hating himself more than ever before.

* * *

Albus stared at his mother and the concern on her face. He despised the look. She thought she was doing this for him? She thought forbidding him to see Scorpius again would _benefit_ him? "You're insane," Albus responded angrily. "You've gone completely bonkers and I-"

"Don't talk to her like that," his dad said quietly. He looked exhausted. "It wasn't her idea,"

"Wasn't her idea? So it was yours then? Great; now I get to hate _both_ of you for being the worst parents in the bloody world!" Albus shouted. He was furious and he wanted to run off and go find whatever hospital Scorpius had been at. He wanted to stay far away from his parents who were, in his current opinion, the biggest traitors on the face of the earth.

"Albus, it was Scorpius' father who suggested the time apart. Believe me, I tried to fight for you two to stay together, but he was set in his opinion,"

Albus stared at his father then, a fire in his eyes that they weren't used to seeing. Albus, unless he was furious, was rather easy going. He was happy and he loved his family and his life and he acted that way to make sure everyone knew. "I don't bloody _care_ whose opinion in was! I care that you're enforcing it. It's because of what I am, right? Because I'm gay?"

He watched his mother's face shift. James and Lily had joked about him being in love with Scorpius throughout the other boy's stay, but apparently she hadn't realized how much truth they were letting slip. It was the first time she'd heard Albus say anything about it, he knew. She must have thought his siblings were just teasing him.

Albus stepped away from his parents. "That's it," he said quietly. "You don't accept me because...because I'm…"

"Albus, no. Of course not. Your mother and I-" his dad started, but Albus just shook his head slowly.

"You hate me," he said, his mind jumping to conclusions. His mother still hadn't said anything to him; she was just staring at him. "W-Well I-I-I hate you too!"

He took off running up the stairs and slammed his bedroom door shut so hard that it shook. Albus slid down the wall, feeling tears fall down his cheeks, as he tried to process everything. His parents hated him because he was gay. Scorpius had attempted suicide. And now Albus wasn't even allowed to talk to him.

For a few precious days over the holiday, everything had seemed great. Scorpius had come to stay with him and they'd kissed and been happy. But it had only been a few days, and Albus couldn't help but assume that meant he didn't deserve good things like that. He couldn't even make them last for a week; how was he supposed to make good things happen for the rest of his life? It seemed completely impossible.

"Al?" Lily was knocking on his door. "Al, what's going on? I heard you shouting and Mum's crying and Dad sounds like he's about to too. What happened?"

Albus chose not to answer her. Lily was good. She was sweet and kind and he was going to ruin her if he talked to her. He was going to make their parents hate her too.

"Al, come on. I know something happened. We all get up this morning and you and Dad are both gone, without even a note. And then you come back arguing with Dad and then there's shouting and...And is someone sick? Is that it? Did someone get hurt? Al _please_. Just talk to me. Al?"

He wondered if it was feelings like this that made Scorpius cut into his own skin. Albus had no intention of doing the same, but he couldn't help but wonder. And if feelings like this were to blame, why did Scorpius have to have so many of them? He was kind too. Yet he'd spent years marking up his own skin, because he didn't feel he had control. That's what he'd said, anyway, that the cuts were a way to gain control over his life.

Albus heard more footsteps stop in front of his door. "Albus, you've made the entire house cry. Get out here and explain what the hell is going on,"

It was James this time. James sounded mad too. Albus imagined that he had an arm around Lily's shoulder, because he protected her. He always had. Lily must be crying now too, which made Albus feel worse. "Albus I swear-"

"Leave him alone, James," his father said. "Let him cool off. This isn't his fault; none of this is his fault,"

"Dad?" Lily asked, her voice sounding thicker than normal. "Dad, what's happening? Why's everyone so upset?"

She didn't get an answer. Or at least if she did, it was far away from Albus' door. He ended up crawling into bed, feeling miserable, and praying that no one in his family would force their way into his room. He just wanted to be alone, and figure out what he was supposed to do now.

He didn't emerge from his solitude for at least six hours, and when he did it was only to go to the bathroom. He could hear his family downstairs discussing something, but their voices were too low to really understand. He heard some of his aunts and uncles though, and none of them sounded happy.

Albus returned to his room. In another six hours he went to the bathroom. He ignored the knocks on his door and put a pillow over his ears so he wouldn't be able to hear people talking to him. He just wanted them all to leave him alone; was that too much to ask for?

By the next morning, he could tell that his parents were worried. They came to his room every fifteen minutes or so, but they didn't come in. They just apologized and told him that they would always love him, and that they would love to talk to him. Albus ignored them in favor of hugging his pillow tightly. He knew, in theory, that they didn't hate him for who he was. But when he closed his eyes all he could see was his mother's hesitation and his father telling him that he couldn't see Scorpius anymore. And then he was sad all over again.

It was around dinner that night when his door finally opened again. "Albus?" He recognized the voice of his uncle Charlie. That made him want to perk up, because he adored his uncle Charlie and he wasn't around all that often so Albus hardly ever got to talk to him. Still, he remembered that he was supposed to be mopping and stayed curled up in bed. "I don't remember the last time I've seen your parents so worried," he said, ignoring Albus' silence and sitting down at the end of his bed. "Maybe when you ran off in Diagon Alley and they couldn't find you anywhere? And you ended up sitting at The Leaky Cauldron with a stranger, talking about the benefits of butterflies as opposed to other flying insects. You must have been, oh, six years old?"

"Five," Albus muttered in spite of himself. "I was five, actually,"

"Oh, right. Five years old. Merlin that seems like a long time ago now,"

"What are you doing here?" Albus asked. He knew that he sounded rude, but he wanted to mope in peace and uncle Charlie was preventing that.

"Your parents asked me to come. Well, really everyone's downstairs, but they asked me to talk to you,"

"Why's everyone here?"

"Your mother insisted we all come for a family dinner. She claimed it was necessary. It took a bit of convincing to let my bosses allow me to come home for a night, but I'm glad I did. It seems like just the right time,"

Albus nodded, though he chose not to say anything else. Uncle Charlie was here to spend time with their family, not hide out in Albus' room with him. Just as he was about to tell his uncle to rejoin the get together, though, uncle Charlie said, "So you're gay, huh?"

Albus went red and sat up in bed, staring at his uncle in disbelief. "How-How did you-Why would you think-"

"Well, your parents told me. But I thought I saw some kind of connection between you and that boy you brought to Christmas. After all, people don't tend to bring just friends around to Christmas; that hasn't happened since your dad,"

Albus knows his face is a bright red color. "Well, that doesn't matter anymore. I'm not allowed to speak to him,"

"Want to talk about it?"

"No. I want to sit here by myself and think," Albus muttered.

"Which is, apparently, all you've done for the last day," uncle Charlie said easily. "Come on, Albus. Tell me what's going on?"

Albus remained silent and slowly laid back down in bed. He wasn't going to talk to his uncle, no matter how hard his uncle tried. He just wouldn't do it; it was a mistake on his uncle's part to believe that Albus would want to talk to any of them. He wanted to just sit in silence and pout. Why wouldn't anyone just let him pout? "You can't lock yourself away in your room," uncle Charlie said gently. "I know it sucks. You feel like they've turned against you because they won't let you see Scorpius. But Albus, I promise that they're on your side. We all are. Okay?"

"I don't want to go down there," Albus said firmly. "They're all going to be staring at me and judging me and trying to change my mind, as if I made the decision to have feelings for him and to be gay. I didn't choose this; I didn't want this. I hardly even like it. And then...then I said it to her, and she just...she just stared at me. Like she didn't want to believe it; like it was a huge crime for her son to be gay. I...I'm not going down there. I'd rather stay up here. I can't see anyone judging me up here,"

"I think she was just surprised," he tried. "I don't think that means she hates you for being gay. Just...Just give her a chance, Albus, okay?"

It took a good thirty minutes of convincing, but eventually Albus rejoined his family. He wanted to sneak back to his room or to see Scorpius and make sure he was still breathing, but his family kept a close eye on him all night long. When he finally did have alone time again, Albus was too tired to do much of anything other than fall into bed with heavy, tired eyes.


	18. Chapter 18

Scorpius was officially on lockdown. His father wouldn't let him out of sight; Scorpius had to go to work with him now, and he felt like a five year old. His meals were monitored, a house elf was with him everywhere he went, and he felt like he couldn't breathe anymore. That was the worst part, in his opinion. The inability to breathe terrified him. Instead of cutting into his skin when he wanted to gain control, Scorpius was left feeling completely helpless. It was suffocating him, and at the end of the night he usually ended up huddled in a ball on his bed, crying and hyperventilating and just trying to catch his breath.

But he was going back to Hogwarts soon. His stunt in London should have, by any normal circumstances, resulted in his expulsion or even some time in prison. But the Minister of Magic, Albus' aunt, had apparently taken pity on him. They'd paid hefty fines for his actions but that was really the only punishment he had to deal with, other than swearing to spend his summer working for various charity organizations. Scorpius was sure Albus had something to do with his light punishment, but he didn't know why.

Despite Albus promising that he wouldn't leave, Scorpius knew he had. He hadn't received any letters or other contact from the boy, and it had been too long to excuse it as him just being busy. Scorpius had scared off the only good thing in his life, and now he had nothing left. He hated it. He wanted to go back in time and either kill himself properly or never do it at all. If he had died, he wouldn't have to deal with the pain of living. Had he not attempted it, he would have gotten to keep Albus.

The break felt like it was years long. Scorpius wanted to go back to Hogwarts, because there he had a knife stashed in his bed and he could just give up again. He could relieve his pain. He could have control over his own life again. So when if finally came time to return to the platform at eleven in the morning, Scorpius was relieved. His house elves couldn't follow him to school, and there were too many students there to have professors watching over him every second of the day. He would fade into the background and die, and no one would care.

He sat alone on the train after his father made him swear not to hurt himself and to come home if he needed to. Scorpius did swear, but he had no intention of actually keeping his promise. His father didn't care, he just didn't want to bury another person. Scorpius was pleased to be back on the train. And because no one really liked him, no one tried to sit with him. He got to spend his time trying to pry a nail out from the window. It had been a long time since he'd cut into his skin, and he was itching to do it again.

But three hours into his train ride, things changed. There was a knock at the door. Scorpius turned to tell whoever it was to go away, but it was Arabella. And from the look on her face, she was not going anywhere.

His old friend slipped into the compartment, and the first words she said were, "I know,"

Scorpius felt himself deflate. Had someone told her, assuming they'd still be friends, so she could watch him? "I'm not a child, Arabella, I can do whatever the hell I want. Go away," he said rudely, turning again to pry at the nail. He'd hardly made any progress and his fingers had started to bleed.

"Screw you," she said, catching his attention. Scorpius looked at her again and saw that she had tears in her eyes. "I hate you. I could have helped you. Why...Why didn't you…"

Scorpius just stared at her. Her words didn't help at all; they hardly meant anything to him. All they did was add another screw-up to his list of his shortcomings. He'd be able to make a cut for that and then he'd feel better. "Just go," he said, "We both know you don't want to be here. I don't know why my father asked you to watch over me, but I'll be just fine on my own,"

"No," she stated. "Stop...Stop saying that. You're not fine. And like it or not, you're my best friend. And you're hurting. And...Please let me help you. Let someone help you,"

"Contrary to popular belief, I really don't need any help. I just want to be alone. Is that too hard for you to understand? You never were exceptionally smart,"

"Stop trying to hurt me," she said. "Scorpius, I...Please. Please just…" He noticed that she was crying, and his eyes widened slightly. Had he done that? Had he been the one to hurt her? It would make sense. He wasn't a good person who deserved a friend like Arabella. He was a jerk. He wanted to die as soon as he set foot in the castle.

"I'm…" he started to say, but he stopped and shook his head. Scorpius returned to staring out the window of the train. This wasn't a good idea; if he was going to die in the castle he couldn't let Arabella close to him again. That was going to hurt her more, and he'd done enough hurting her to last a lifetime. He'd hurt everyone he really cared about, and if he wanted any chance at being remembered fondly, he had to make sure he didn't hurt them anymore.

"Scorpius, can't you see that you have people?" Arabella asked. Scorpius wondered why she couldn't just leave him alone; did she have to torture him like this? Was it really necessary? "I care about you. Your father cares. And...And Albus Potter cares. Let us help you. Please,"

"Please just go,"

"I can't do that," Arabella said softly. "You know I can't,"

Scorpius pulled his legs up on to the seat and rested his chin on his knees. "I'm fine, Arabella," he lied. "I'm not going to go and hurt myself so you can just leave. I don't need a babysitter,"

"I don't want to be a babysitter," Arabella argued. "I want to be a friend,"

Scorpius chose not to answer. Arabella stayed in the compartment with him for the remainder of the train ride, because she refused to leave him alone. They didn't speak, which made Scorpius more comfortable with the situation. At least he didn't have to explain himself to her, or let her see his scars. His head hurt.

His head had been hurting ever since he'd woken up. It hurt more when he thought about Albus, and that hurt was accompanied by a tightness in his chest. Albus didn't care about him; he hadn't even come looking for Scorpius at the platform or on the train. It was all he could really think about. He missed Albus; he missed the days before his suicide attempt when Albus had kissed him. It had been inexperienced and awkward, but Scorpius craved it. At least then Albus had cared that Scorpius existed.

They got to school and Arabella accompanied him to the great hall. She seemed determined not to give him a minute alone, and it was frustrating. He just wanted to be alone; he wanted to crawl into bed and bleed. His second chance at life was only proving to him that he wanted to be dead more than anything else.

He didn't eat the meal; no one was there to force him so he picked at the food Arabella put on his plate and tried to ignore the people that were whispering. He knew it wasn't likely, but he felt like they were whispering about him. Like they somehow knew what he'd done and wanted him to know how pathetic he was. He knew that it wasn't likely; the Minister of Magic had kept the story out of the Daily Prophet, so the only people that knew were the Weasleys and the Potters and a few of the aurors that had been sworn to secrecy.

When the feast was over, Scorpius hurried to stand up and leave the great hall. He practically ran away from Arabella, who tried to follow him and got held up by crowds. He thought he was free from people as he hurried toward the dungeons, but then a professor stopped him. His favorite professor. And at the look on his face, the man knew exactly what Scorpius had done and what he wanted to do now. "Scorpius," Professor Longbottom said gently, "Could I have a word with you? We could walk to the greenhouses; they'll be empty,"

"I-I really don't have time right now, Professor," Scorpius said. "Maybe tomorrow?" He knew full well that he wouldn't be there tomorrow.

"I think you misunderstood; I wasn't asking," Professor Longbottom said, and he sounded firm for once. He still had compassion in his eyes, and that made Scorpius shrink down, embarrassed. He didn't have much of a choice, so he followed Professor Longbottom to the greenhouses. He caught sight of Arabella as they went, and she looked relieved when she saw him with Professor Longbottom.

Scorpius tried to stay silent the entire way down. If he didn't talk, he thought the professor might let him go back to his common room. But that didn't happen. Professor Longbottom instead talked about how the plants in the greenhouses were getting along. When they got inside, Scorpius found them warm and refreshing. He didn't say so, at least, but he felt that way. "Albus will be down here in about twenty minutes," Professor Longbottom revealed quietly. "But I wanted time to talk to you about what happened over the holidays,"

"I...I don't think there's much to discuss, Professor. Why is Albus coming?"

"He wanted to talk to you and so did I, so I told him to come down after I'd gotten my chance with you," he said simply. "And I think there is a lot to discuss,"

"I'm...I won't say I'm sorry,"

"I know," Professor Longbottom said. His voice was soft and sad and Scorpius wondered, for a moment, if the man actually cared about him. "I'm not asking for an apology,"

"So what do you want then?" Scorpius asked, confused.

The older man sighed heavily and sat down near one of the plants. He gestured for Scorpius to do the same, so he did, because he didn't want to disappoint his professor more than he already had. "I just want to give you the chance to say what you feel about it. I assume most people have been shoving their opinions at you, yes?" Scorpius nodded. "Right, well, I don't see how that and making you feel guilty will help anything. So I thought I could listen, and you could tell me whatever you need to,"

Scorpius stared at him in surprise. No one had thought to ask how he felt or why he'd done what he'd done; they'd told him they could help and then made him feel like a terrible person. For a few minutes, he just sat there in silence. He didn't want Professor Longbottom to think any less of him than he already did, because he wanted one person to think good of him when he did die.

But eventually he felt his resolve to stay silent slipping. And when it did, it was like every resolve he had fell too. Because the next thing he knew he was crying, and Professor Longbottom had an arm around his shoulders and was promising that everything would be okay, and that he would help Scorpius in whatever way he needed help.

So Scorpius told him everything. He told him how lonely he felt, how everyone at school despised him for who his father was. He talked about falling for Albus and how hurt he'd been when Albus had stopped talking to him. He talked about his mother, and how he'd worked so hard to be the perfect son after she was sick but he still disappointed his father no matter what he did. He talked about years of cutting into his skin and showed Professor Longbottom his arms. He talked about feeling disgusting, and how he didn't know how anyone could ever love him, and how he had a knife stashed under his pillow and he had planned on using it to end everything that night. He told Professor Longbottom everything, and the man just listened with his arm around Scorpius' shoulders. And somehow, all of the talking made him feel better, if only a little bit.

* * *

Albus paced impatiently outside the greenhouses. Professor Longbottom was in one with Scorpius, and he was supposed to come get Albus when Scorpius was ready to talk to him. Albus had walked in without thinking and seen Scorpius crying on the ground. He wanted nothing than to go up to the boy he cared so much for and comfort him, but Professor Longbottom had told him to wait outside. He'd followed his Professor's instructions, but that didn't mean he liked them. He wanted to get closer to Scorpius and make sure he was okay. He wanted to apologize for not writing or anything, and explain that he'd been told not to and that his owls had been monitored.

It was a good half an hour after he first arrived before Professor Longbottom approached the door to the greenhouse. Albus stood nervously, terrified that Scorpius would refuse to see him and that he would have to leave. But instead, Professor Longbottom said, "He's hurting, really badly. We're going to help him though, okay? You and I. But he wants to talk to you,"

Albus nodded, taking a deep breath and then swallowing hard. He was nervous that Scorpius wouldn't forgive him for his silence, but he had to at least try and apologize. So he walked inside the greenhouse and Professor Longbottom slipped out to wait for them to finish their discussion.

Albus approached Scorpius nervously, as Scorpius wiped at his eyes. They were read and there were glistening streaks on his face from crying. "I'm sorry," Albus said before he could think to say anything else. "They told me not to write to you and to give you time to heal on your own. They checked every letter before I sent it and I...I'm sorry. I could have found ways around it but I didn't. I don't know why; I didn't think of that until now,"

Scorpius just nodded for a moment. Albus watched him nervously, afraid that at any second he could be kicked out of Scorpius' life. "Professor Longbottom says you don't hate me. That...That you aren't disgusted by me,"

"I don't; I'm not," Albus said immediately. "He was telling the truth,"

Scorpius nodded again. Then, in a small, broken voice he asked, "Albus? What's...What's wrong with me? Why am I...Why do I…"

"I don't know," Albus said, coming over to sit down next to him after a sudden burst of courage. Scorpius, with his pale face shining with tears, leaned against Albus as if he couldn't even manage sitting up anymore. Albus put his arms around Scorpius and tried to hug him, even though the position was awkward. "I don't think there's anything wrong with you, Scorpius. I think...I think you needed help. I think you needed help all of these years and you never asked for it. But...But if you let Professor Longbottom and I help, I...I think your friend Arabella too. She was crying when you disappeared after dinner. She...She really cares about you. I know that might be hard to understand right now, that we all care for you, but it's true. And we all want to help you,"

Albus felt Scorpius nod against him, though he didn't move so Albus didn't either. He wanted to be there for Scorpius, so he was determined to stay there with Scorpius for as long as Scorpius needed him to stay there. After a while though, Professor Longbottom came back inside. Scorpius sat up but reached for Albus' hand, and Professor Longbottom said, "I think it's time to get you boys to bed. After all, classes start again tomorrow and you'll be tired. Scorpius, I've had house elves remove the item from your bed," Scorpius nodded, and Albus stood confused because he didn't know what Professor Longbottom was talking about. "Alright; I'll come with you both. And Scorpius, remember: I'm here, and Albus is too. Things can only go up from here,"

"Thank you, Professor," Scorpius said softly. "But...But you don't have to come with us; we can make it to our common rooms," He was trying to be strong, in Albus' opinion.

Albus didn't know how Scorpius managed to convince him, but Professor Longbottom eventually agreed and went to checking on his plants. They walked to the castle together, still holding hands, but Albus suddenly didn't care if everyone knew that he was in, well, something with Scorpius Malfoy. So he didn't drop Scorpius' hand, and Scorpius didn't let Albus' hand go either. As they approached the dungeons, however, Scorpius slowed down like he was dreading going back. So before Albus could really think about what he was doing, he asked, "Would you rather come back with me?"

Scorpius nodded weakly, so they changed direction and headed toward Albus' common room instead. No one paid them much attention when they walked in, probably because Scorpius looked so downtrodden and Hufflepuffs weren't the kind to be rude to someone when they looked like he did. Albus led Scorpius to his dormitory and lent him something to sleep in. He knew it was wrong, but he felt oddly excited about having Scorpius close to him. He'd missed him a lot since they'd been separated.

They were careful not to touch each other when they climbed into bed that night. Scorpius looked exhausted, so Albus didn't even try to kiss him even though he really wanted to. Scorpius fell asleep pretty quickly, and Albus wasn't too far behind him. He was glad that he could keep Scorpius close to him, because he was worried about the Slytherin. He was worried that he would wake up one morning and Scorpius would be gone; he'd been afraid of that ever since the hospital.

But the next morning he woke up to a tangle of limbs. He wasn't quite sure how he'd gotten wrapped up with Scorpius, but he wasn't about to complain about it. Albus checked the time; they still had another hour before breakfast started. Scorpius had had a rough go of things lately, and Albus wanted to give him time to rest. He looked so tired lately and Albus was convinced that he would be better if he just got some rest.

When Scorpius woke up a half hour later, he seemed confused. Albus could understand why; he'd be confused too if he woke up in a strange bed and a room that didn't look familiar. Albus could feel him start to panic for a minute, though he quickly said, "You're alright, Scorpius. You're with me; you didn't want to separate last night,"

"That...That wasn't a dream?" Scorpius asked softly. "You...You're here? You care? And...And Professor Longbottom…"

"It was all real," Albus assured him. "I promise it was all real. But hey; we should get ready. Breakfast starts soon and we have classes. And I think Professor Longbottom wanted to talk to you again this morning to make sure you were okay and to figure out how to help you get better,"

Scorpius nodded miserably, and Albus smiled sadly at him. "Hey, it'll be alright. And... And I'll be next to you the whole time you're getting better. I want to help you, and I...I still really like you, so…"

"You do?" Scorpius asked, sounding surprised. "After all this you...you still…"

"Of course I do," Albus responded. "I won't pretend to like what you did to yourself. It terrified me, if I'm being honest. But that doesn't mean I don't still like you,"

Albus was surprised when Scorpius pushed their lips together for a kiss. He was thrilled about it, because he genuinely liked kissing Scorpius, but he was afraid he was going to take advantage of the Slytherin when he wasn't in the right state of mind. But if Scorpius initiated it, then maybe it was okay? "Are you sure?" Albus asked, pulling away for a moment. "I don't want to force you to do anything you're not ready for or comfortable with,"

"Please," Scorpius begged softly. "I...I want to forget,"

"I'm not sure that's a good thing," Albus said, his voice shaking slightly. He hated turning down kisses. "Forgetting won't help you get better," Scorpius sighed heavily, and Albus tried not to wince. What if Scorpius changed his mind? What if he didn't like Albus because Albus wouldn't kiss him? "I...I want to kiss you," Albus told him hurriedly. "I just want to do it for the right reasons,"

"I know," Scorpius muttered. "Because you're a good person,"

Albus blushed slightly and brushed his hair out of his eyes. "Is that okay with you?"

Scorpius nodded. The two sat up then and were about to climb out of bed and get ready for the day when Scorpius pulled Albus in for another kiss. "Just because I like you?" He asked, and Albus could hear the hope in his voice; he didn't want to be turned down.

"I think I can handle that," Albus said with a small smile.


End file.
